Spirited Mama

YOU have got to take in the BAD to experience the GOOD

Category: emotions (Page 2 of 5)

When CANCER happens…MY FAMILY FIGHTS BACK!

So in my family we have been dealt a low blow this past Sunday.

Here’s a rough breakdown of the lead up to this past Sunday

2014 – My mom’s younger sister, aged 44 at the time, was diagnosed with aggressive breast cancer. Almost immediately had a mastectomy and chemotherapy followed by radiation therapy. In 2015 she was cancer free and we had a huge family celebration in her honour.

2016 – My mom’s youngest sister, also aged 44 at time of diagnosis, is diagnosed with breast cancer. Almost immediately,May 2016, had a double mastectomy. She is cancer free and will not be having chemotherapy nor radiation therapy. Last Sunday, the family had a huge celebration in her honour. Unfortunately, we missed it as we live in Gauteng and had already decided and booked flights to Cape Town for 5 August. I was sad that I missed it but something was knawing at me that we should just stick to our original dates and go to Cape Town as planned on 5 Aug.

So earlier this year I had a mammogram and sonars to check if there is anything to be concerned about… Well there are some minor issues but it’ll be monitored very closely. The doctor suggested that someone in our family should do the genetic test for CANCER. Well let’s just say that if the test results are positive and we have the cancer gene well then it’s a matter of When and not IF you get cancer. Let me just say that medical aids DO NOT cover the test and its about R10 000….So the youngest sister was waiting for confirmation from her medical aid to see if they were willing to assist with any sort of payment for this test… WE WAIT patiently.

Back to the past weekend, my Gran aka MAMMA (I literally feel as though she is my “real” mother. Dude says that I am like her 7th child) has been on/off sick with flu then apparently gall stones. On Saturday we see my Gran and we were shocked to see that she did not look well. She had lost weight and she was just not looking like her old self. She laughed and joked with us for a few hours and eventually we left. On Sunday, we get the call that she is not well and will be taken to Casualties. So most of the family treks to the hospital to go see Mamma. (Bear in mind that we have a very very  very big family. Security was taken aback that we ALL came to see the same person). We arrive to find her smiling smiling and all happy and bubbly in casualties. They do some tests and inform us that her liver is enlarged and is pushing against her lungs, which is causing difficulty breathing. Later, they discover a huge mass in her left breast and now suspect breast cancer. They run some more tests and think that it may have spread to the lungs… They have been doing tests ALL the time. We wait to hear the final results and what the way forward would be.

On Monday we visited Mamma in hospital and spend as much time as possible with her, given that we only had limited time and were  only allowed in one at a time. I got a brief period to tell her that I love her. The hardest part was saying goodbye as we had to come back to Pretoria on Monday evening. I told her that once we have more clarity on this  situation I will fly back to come see her.

Mamma is our go to person. She is the MATRIARCH of this family! She is So incredibly strong for all of us. She is happy and bubbly but I worry that none of us are there after visiting hours. None of us really sees what she is enduring. None of us knows what she is going through for as long as what I have been on this earth Mamma has always been smiling. (Hou altyd die blink kant bo – roughly translated into always keeping a brave and happy face) never letting it show if anything gets to her or gets her down.

I have been crying ALOT and as I sit here now I just can’t help myself… I have prayed and given this situation to GOD. As much as I want Mamma to make a full recovery, I don’t want her to go through any unnecessary trauma of surgeries etc…My biggest fear is her quality of life after surgery(ies)… I have seen what CANCER can do and it’s not what I want for Mamma. Mamma is the type of person who will be here the one day and gone the next. And everyone that knows her will know that that is how she wants to be remembered. All I want is for HER to make her OWN decision as to what she wants to do. This past weekend I saw that my family might not accept Mamma’s decision…and I worry that they will bully her into something that she did not want. It’s the hardest decision to just let go and let GOD be because we all want more time with a loved one but like I said it kills me to think of what quality of life she might have afterwards… Nothing has been finalised and no decisions have been made as yet.

I pray for my MAMMA…

Spirited Mama

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This was a random image I found on Pinterest…

LIFE IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU ARE MAKING OTHER PLANS…JOHN LENNON

So it was officially women’s day yesterday, 9 August  and yes I know there is alot of history behind but I will spare you the info (click here if you need to know why we celebrate women’s day). I just wanted this day for myself. You see I don’t have to do the usual school run or even go to work. Bless the government for giving WOMEN a special day and making it a public holiday. <Dear Government, My Dude is very pissed at you. He wants to know why MEN don’t have their own special day. But we will continue this conversation on another day…

So I wanted to lie in bed and have a hearty breakfast of Ferrero Rocher but alas….Let’s just say that my family has been dealt a few blows and we are still in shock and trying to just come to terms with the situation….

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On the other hand I have been receiving random emails about The Working Mothers Expo. Now initially I thought I was being spammed as usual. Probably someone wanting to hack my credit card but I ‘ve got news for you….you won’t get much >LOL! But it seems this expo is legitimate. I have been reading up on it and I am actually intrigued to find out more about it.

If you are interested go check it out The Working Mothers Expo. It’s happening 4-6 Nov 2016 in Sandton, Johannesburg.

HAPPY WOMEN’S DAY to all the WOMEN out there. Enjoy you day off…

Be beautiful. Be brave. Be YOU!

Spirited Mama

P.S. I have these little conversations with myself, in my head, all the time. So I have now resorted to giving myself an inspirational pep talk. How do you like my motto for now?

Be beautiful. Be brave. Be YOU!

P.P.S. I had a draft of this post but I just couldn’t bring myself to log on yesterday. I edited this post because of course now it was completely out of context. Many tears were shed yesterday but I read somewhere that “tears are liquid prayers”. Today I feel a sense of calm but yet the uncertainty and anxiety is eating at me…Today might not be a great day but perhaps tomorrow will be. I will try again tomorrow.

 

Mommy needs a time-out!!!!

Mommy needs a time-out!!! Mommy is tired and may I add pregnant and somewhat emotional. Mommy’s patience have run out and mommy seems to be losing her shit all the time. Mommy feels overworked, over stressed and exhausted. Did I mention PREGNANT. Oh the ALL DAY morning sickness with the actual expulsion of any food intake or whatever may be left in my tummy or first thing in the morning is just a marvelous way to get a head start to your day. I have been feeling crap and behaving badly and all I want is for my 6 year old to get done in the morning. For fuck sake, what is SO difficult about getting done. He eventually gets out of bed and if I don’t physically police him to get his shit done he will look at random photos in his room, which have been there like forever, perhaps read a book, perhaps just stand on the bed naked and just stare at the fucking wall, etc… I wish this was all in my head but alas it’s our reality. True as shit this boy will be fucking late for school everyday until I lose my shit and then have to drive as if being chased by the devil himself to make that 4km drive to school.

I have decided that I am done. I will NOT be helping with homework. I will not be checking that you have the proper attire for the day. I will NOT be checking everything that I always use to because quite frankly Mommy needs a break and she is damn well taking it. I am not sure if one day will do the trick or perhaps I need a few days but my oh my I feel as if I have to do EVERYTHING!

Being a involved, hands-on parent is extremely hard work. Hats off to all those who parent! Sometimes I need to remember that I too am a person. And I too need a break.

I could so curl up in a warm bed with a good book, some hot chocolate and lots and lots of chocolate….Oh, and someone to wait on me hand and foot and bring me room service whenever I ring my proverbial bell. I think I need a hotel stay!

Spirited Mama

Here are some random images that I had on my hard drive that made me laugh out loud with a few snot bubbles…Enjoy.Sometimes I take things way to seriously….

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Free Willy

I grew up watching Free Willy. And I’m almost certain that I’ve seen most of it. After Free Willy 2 I was not particularly interested in seeing how/why they need to save this whale again. Now, I am an animal lover but really why could they NOT just leave Willy alone? So many whales yet they always after Willy. Maybe Willy needs to move…. just saying…

But the reason for this post is that I cried for Willy. My brother cried for Willy. And Yesterday MY son, Dudie, cried for Willy. It was nothing like the soft cries of the actors in the movie. It was more the snot and trane kinda cry. I’m at the soft cry stage now. Think  I got over this Free Willy business. Point is, my brother was very young when Willy was featured. He cried and was extrememly emotional. So much so that we couldn’t even make out what he was trying to say whilst sobbing…

Yesterday, Dudie and I watched Free Willy. Thanks to DSTV for making us pay a small fortune to watch reruns of films we can get free of charge at our local Video store when you rent the latest blockbusters…

Then Dudie got extremely emotional at the exact same spot as my brother… He cried and said that he wants his whale family. HUh? Yes, we reassured him that Willy was safe and that he’s with his family and that WE are his family AND we’re here for him and with him…. But alas, he kept crying. Is there something that we’re missing in Willy?

Then we watched Free Willy 2. DSTV – Back to Back Free Willy movies…. Bleh!> This went down somewhat better… Minimal signs of distress but no crying. He actually laughed during the movie. Then it was bedtime… .And he was sad for his whale family. Yes, he still wants his whale family too. He eventually asked me to please get him a whale family too.

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As much as I enjoyed watching Free Willy, it’s time to move on. Hopefully, I haven’t scarred Dudie for life.

<Mommy fail>

Spirited Mama

Be happy take 1059*87692374896255…..

Ok, so I haven’t blogged in a while…. I’ve missed it.

I was stuck in Bloemfontein for an extra night as the flight that I was booked on was cancelled…..3 weeks ago! The travel agent did not see that the airline re-validated my ticket to get me booked on the earlier flight! So I spent another night away from home but I did make up for it when I got home on Friday 🙂 I went home from the airport got the car and went to collect Dudie. As I walked in he was just dozing off for after lunch nap. Boy oh boy the look on my child’s face was priceless.

(He did ask me on Thursday evening, when I called to say I’m NOT coming home, if I could fetch him from school. I said I would try my best.) He immediately requested an afternoon swim and a movie :-). We played some cricket, badminton, had a swim(it was excruciatingly hot), we sang along to a song book, and we cuddled and watched “Happy Feet2” on my bed. Needless to say when he Dude came home at 4pm we were both asleep 🙂 I missed my boys. I think the “time-out” did us good as a family, if you know what I mean.

Apart from all the drama happening right now, we’re off to my brother’s wedding next Friday. (My baby bother is getting married) So tickets to Cape Town are booked. Car is on standby at the Rental company. And now we hope for the best because coincidentally it is the Argus Cycle Tour weekend too.

I chose a word for 2013 – Accept

THis year is just kicking into gear and already it has been very challenging. I’m trying to “Accept” the things I can not  change. And to live my life for me, and my family.

So on that note, I say cheers to 2013! I’ve been hearing and reading the same type of message, not the exact same phrase but it comes down to the same message,  over and over that “Many things in life we can’t control BUT we can choose to be HAPPY!!!!!

Happy Friday

Spirited Mama

The Struggle…

Today was one of those day s where I needed motivation, and to just keep calm, etc etc. Briefly, Dudie decided to pee in my bed… of course this happened after Dude left for work. I felt the warm sensation against my leg. I got up, showered and then woke the sleeping child who was not in the least disturbed by sleeping on his pee????

I bath child, ask 100 times that he please brush his front teeth! This is my daily battle. I proceed to put sheets and jammies, mind you I just put fresh linen on the bed yesterday!!!!, in the washing machine. Eventually, Dudie gets going and I try to get dressed. Well first pants I put on, too big, second pants hugs in all the areas I DID not want it too, third time lucky I choose my normal black pants and grey top.

I hurriedly look for the car keys only to realise that my darling husband had them yesterday and drove off this morning with car keys in his bakkie! Thank Gloria we have spare keys. I locate them and proceed to pack car. I get the Dudie out of the house and TA DA!!!! The freaking fuel reserve is on! WTF! I swear that thing is faulty. Saturday I had a 1/4 tank but this morning it was empty? We did not drive the car yesterday?(Note to self – get car checked)

I decided that I’m late as it is… MIght as well stop now for fuel. Garage 1 – the queue stretches into the main road. Garage 2 – success. We get helped almost immediately. One guy fuels us up and one starts cleaning the windscreen. Only the guy was done with fuel, swiped my card, only to have his colleague dash off to help someone else and leaving me with a half washed windscreen. I left with a half washed windscreen!

I drive 200m and I’m stuck in gridlocked traffic. Up until now, I don’t know why! BUT my 7km drive took 55 mins this morning!!!!! I get to school, only to confront the Vice-Principal about a bullying incident. (I’ll post on that later) My Dudie is soft spoken and loveable, he will not fight just because! So we wait to hear the outcome on Thursday after all the meetings!!!!

Thank Gloria Dudie was happy and merry and a pleasant fellow passenger. I get to the Gautrain station. Now, I’ve missed 3 trains and I’ve made peace that I’m running late…. But our train made an unscheduled stop outside a station and there we sat on the tracks.  So apart from my brother’s shocking news that he’ll be getting married in 4 weeks and my Dude’s sister being a biatch…. my day was rather eventful.

Upon getting to work, I decided enough already… We always try and solve the world’s problems, ok mainly family but you get the point. And it ALWAYS impacts US as a couple/family. We stress and fret and worry and they carry on. Happily living their lives. Well I’ve had enough. I will NOT bend over backwards for my brother and his girlfriend, who just told me that she insisted that they get married!!!! WTF! They have a child who’s turning 1 in April. So why rush into a wedding? I told my Dude that his sister is a mental biatch!

And then I remembered this….

The struggle you are in today is developing the strength you need for tomorrow. Don’t give up!

So I keep my head high. I’m going home to MY Dude and Dudie. And I will bask in the magic of MY family! We are a spirited family but we LOVE hard!

Spirited Mama

xoxox

2013???? Already!!!!

Phew, to say that this festive season flew by is an understatement. Where did the time go??? For part of my festive season I do wish I can “rewind” and just relive that moment. Some moments were priceless and they are etched in my soul so deep that no can remove them. Family time is important but nothing comes close to “Quality Family Time”.  The love, laughter, joy and happiness that comes along with it is truly magical.

This Christmas I truly had a magical Christmas! We just soaked up one another. It wasn’t all rosy but the good definitely out weighed the bad.

Yesterday, I started working again. It’s was horrible yet liberating at the same time. As much as I adore Dudie, we all need that “alone ” time form one another. So when I announced that it’s school time he wasn’t overjoyed but wasn’t exactly sad about it either. This morning he had a skip in his step as we walked to his class. He was happy, singing and bare feet ‘cos his Teacher said that he can leave his shoes off….

SO for now, I’m catching up to 400 emails. Trying to snack on healthy stuff and keep myself well hydrated ‘cos damn it’s HOT in Gauteng!!!!!

Happy 2013 All!!!!!

Spirited Mama

Be happy

My package arrived. Whoop whoop!!!

So I got my package from Santa’s little helper, aka lovely lady who partook in the secret Santa bloggers party that Charlotte arranged. Thank you so much, Lady. I was all over that package. I have managed to contain myself but today I will web using my gift. And of course acting my Turkish delight. (My Grandfather loved Turkish delight, and we used to sit together sharing his sweets. This brings so much fond memories back. Thank you a millio times. You have no idea of how happy you have made my heart. Also my gran is arriving in 1hour. So I will be sure to tell her about it. Maybe she have some sweets too) This is what I got: imageThe package was addressed to Spiritedmama1, so firstly Dude thought it was his book from Leisure Books, then I said that it’s my gift! He said so how will you prove it’s you. Luckily the address matches perfectly on the receipt in my ID. And I kinda had to explain to the lady why it is addressed in my pseudo name. The big reveal:

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Feel Good moments

So I saw this on someone’s profile and absolutely had to steal it 🙂

This sums up exactly how I feel each and every time I look at Dudie, and being showered with hugs and kisses….. Gets me everytime. tehre was ever a spontaneous hug/kiss/holding hands/etc from either parent…. But that’s one of those sad posts and definitely not fit for today.>

 I love you to the end of the earth and back, baby boy! ALways and forever. Never too much!

Love

Your Mom

P.S. I adore the fact that he makes me late every single morning because he makes me walk back to his door, because he didn’t “good morning me”… That means he wants to kiss me again. This can take a while some mornings!!! And even though I think that we are so late, I still share “our” moment.

P.P.S. The Dudie has now resorted to calling Dude and I by our first names. BUT only in public spaces. At home we are mom and dad. This child is way to smart 🙂

 

Fragile. Beware

My mind is screwing me again…. All those little voices….. All those ideas on how to fix a problem….

I’m trying a new approach. “The road less travelled” in Spiritville. I somehow end up making the same mistakes, then want to beat myself up for not seeing the signs, but then I end up sulking and I desperately try and claw my way out of the hole.

Same shit. Different Day. Same cycle???? WTF? Why? How? Am I just not wired properly?

I know that it’s going to be hard. I know that it’s going to be ugly but I’m hoping that the reward will outweigh all the hardships/obstacles on the journey….

P.S. I can feel an ugly cry coming so I’m signing off for now.

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