Spirited Mama

Living a SPIRITED life filled with wanderlust, emotions and everything in between

Category: emotions (Page 3 of 5)

Who’s eating who?

By

On September 11, 2012

In About me, emotions

Recently, I have read a few blogs that I found rather disturbing. Some people were thrashing bloggers. Some were feeling sorry for themselves (re: I’m currently in that groove too) and some were just not there optimistic selfs….

Why do we seek approval from others? We are our own worst enemies. Society dictates what a real:

1. Mom is

2. Wife is

3. Friend

4. Blogger

Etc etc etc…. My list is endless. When I only have one point to make, “I can only do my best!” It might not be ideal or conform to the “norms” of society but it’s what I can give. If you like me, then like me. If you don’t then so be it.

So as I sit here and try and pull myself towards myself, I say keep your head high! You matter to someone! Smile and breathe…..

I went all Martha on myself!

By

On August 16, 2012

In Dudie, emotions, Time out

I read this post about Doing it all by Raising Men and it got me thinking about how I think pretend to be superwoman. And whilst superwoman is flying high suddenly she gets hit by some turbulence and crash lands. But she gracefully gets up, dusts herself and takes to the sky again. This process is on repeat in my world. How do I stop it? Do I want to stop it? After much deliberation, I’ve realised that “that” crash landing is my coping mechanism. I quit smoking in January this year and although I’ve been temtped when facing trying times I’ve stuck to my guns and have not smoked again.

My crash landing is generally somewhere between me having a very very FUGLY cry or me sitting alone in the dark after the everyone’s in bed not being able to focus on anything as I have a gazillion things/ideas/plans/voices wreaking havoc in my head. Sometimes I might even have  a hissy fit and just let rip (read: throw my toys out the cot and scream at Dude). I really try not to take it out on Dudie but damn it’s tough. With Dudie, I kinda do and say stuff without the usual emotions involved. (True story – as Dude pointed this out to me). It really sad ‘cos I can see him distance himself from me at times.

But as we know nobody is perfect. We all have our flaws. And we all try our best. And our best is all we can give. So with that in mind, if you need to have a cry – cry. Put on some mascara and lipgloss and you’ll be ready to face the world again 🙂

Yesterday, after I missed my bus and then the next bus was delayed and then I git a later train, etc, etc, etc… Still, I got home in record time but my mood was a bit “off”. not sure why but as I walked into to the doorway, Dudie greeted me very enthusiastically with a smile but from a distance. When I approached him he ran off. Everytime I tried to get close to him, he ran off. My heart was torn, a bit. But after him showing me how he can do a tumble(bomme la kisie – for those of you that understand that term) and how the fish and oscar can too, and after telling me about his teacher and who know what else he was mumbling, he eventually let me hug him. And then he came to tell me arms stretched out that he loves me to the end of the earth and back(and then when you get to the word back – we hug). My heart melted and I forgot all about that rejection… By the way this is how I tell him how much I love him, all the time.

He saw Dude wanting to chuck the Ultramel custard and went all “Pleease can I  have custard?” We tried to explain that the custard has been in the fridge for a few days, well we don’t really know how long, and we not sure that it’s still edible – He can’t have. Immediately, my light bulb came on, as I realised that I have custard powder in he cupboard. Well , I organised the Dudie, who of course offered to help.

I then made a bread pudding and custard. My kid thinks I’m the greatest as I can make custard 🙂

Exhibit A

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

exhibit B – My portion

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And this is how I went all Martha Stewart on myself. I’m so proud of well I handle the “ups” but I’m not so sure about the “down” period. Luckily, in my opinion, it seems that the recovery period in “down” is so much quicker than before.

P.S. Today’s school drive conversation with Dudie

We drive past a building with animal statues every morning. And it’s the best game ever to spot as many animals as possible. I watch his reaction in my mirror whilst driving ‘cos you know I still need to keep an eye on the road too.

Me: I see the Giraffes

Dudie: I can’t see

<There was a bus driving next to us and I was trying to slow down and not influence the traffic too much but I could see my plan was not working quick enough for him.>

Dudie: The bus needs to go fast. I can’t see!!! I can’t see! Jusses(yes, I know it’s bad to use the lord’s name in vain – but who hasn’t). Come on man!

Me: You know that’s not nice. I know that you’re frustrated but maybe you can express yourself in a different manner.

Dudie: Rolls his eyes at me… Oh my Gosh! Jusses. Come on man!

I nearly pee’d my pants trying not to laugh. This child is not even three. I sent Dude a message about the incident and very politely mentioned that “jusses, Come on man” is his saying…. I’m yet to receive a reply.

P.P.S Let me get on with being super careerwoman now.

SpiritedMama

We live here!

By

On August 15, 2012

In emotions, Family, LOVE

I have been sitting with some random thought son how to improve our situation at home. Make it “Happier”….

Well After reading a post from the Colouredfulwife, I was reminded that we create our own happiness.

This was my comment to her post:

I too ration myself. I blog and believe me what I blog about is only a fraction of the mishaps in Spiritville. We would all like to have happy perfect homes but what we forget is that we can create it for ourselves. I saw a quote somewhere, “My house was clean, sorry you missed it. We live here” ANd I love it as having a spotless house does not make it a home. Having a students doesn’t mean your kids are happy. Ask me, I used to hide in my books! Enjoy YOUR life…

I consider us to be Christians. Not your average religious christians and I’m sure some people would gasp for air when they realise we actually DO belong to  a church, which we attend sporadically. Dude is superstitious.  Me not much. He has this thing about feathers. If you find a feather then it means God is present. Well a while ago I found a feather in Dudie’s room and I decided to keep it as I’m so happy that God is present in Dudie’s life. Well yesterday I came across said feather and decided to reposition it so as to not throw it away just yet.

This morning after my normal routine and prayer I thanked God for another day of new chances and tought, even if I never get a feather it’s ok as long as Dude and Dudie are getting them. After I strapped Dudie in I found a small feather on the driver seat. I was super chuffed and thought Thank you God for being in my life too. I repositioned it in the car and went on the usual drive to drop Dudie and then catch my ride. Well, I could not stop thinking about this feather. I concluded that we are going through a rough patch in our lives at the moment. After changing schools, I’m now a frequent traveller with the Gautrain, and well let’s just say our home organisation is a bit all over the place right now. We need to figure out  a schedule that works for us.

Well, on my journey to work, I met someone incredible and I think that all of the mornings happenings is a sign of greater things to come. I reminded myself that we do not know what God has planned for us. We are merely playing out our roles. We need to stress less and let God work his magic. Because ultimately, what’s happening now is not ideal according to us but maybe it is according to God.

 

Spirited Mama

xoxoxo

Tis the season to be jolly?

By

On August 12, 2012

In emotions, Parenting, Time out

So some of you might know that we experienced real proper snow on Tuesday, last week. Ok, I’m sure the whole world knows but I was so beside myself that it actually snowed in Gauteng! Real snow, not lit bits of frost on your car or grass but real ass snow. I thought it was freakin Christmas. Well, it was close. It definitely felt like a time to be jolly.

When I got home, the first thing Dudie told me was “Mama, I saw the snow” with th biggest smile ever. Dude & I were fortunate to have experienced snow before as we’ve travelled to Switzerland. We’re now more set on taking Dudie to Switzerland. I was as excited as my Dudie when he realises that breakfast is chocolate and flings! Oh and milktart!  I kid you not, that’s what we had for breakfast on Saturday. Not sure why though, but it was all good. On and we washed it down with some cream soda. I can see some parents rolling their eyes but really have you never ever given your child junk non-nutritional food as a meal? Never ever?

Why are we as “mothers” so hell bent on feeding our kids nutritional meals when the “dads” just wing it? Why are we as mothers so hell bent on routines when dads just wing it? Why are we as mothers so set on discipline when dads just wing it? And why are we as mothers always wanting to protect/cushion or children when dads let them take a chance? This is my opinion and shoot me for generalising but in my world “mothers” just do these things. Looking in, it seems that the dads have the easy way out. Let me make an example, Dudie will ask for his dad but I will cover and make excuses for Dude as I know that he might be busy. But if Dudie requests my presence, Dude will call me immediately without batting an eyelash. I’ve asked myself a million times, and I guess I’m just a sucker for punishment but why do I feel that I have to do everything? If I don’t put in lunch no one gets lunch or if we do it’s thrown together, literally. I like structure. I don’t like my food touching. I have explained that I would really like to receive a packed lunch, the way I do it. With mini treats and surprises but I’ve given up on that pipe dream. I guess Woolworths is the only one giving me a pretty packed lunch…

Back to my point, as mothers we are very hard on ourselves. Why? I guess because I want to give Dudie the best of what I have to offer. To be a better parent than my mother was. To make sure that I raise a good young man. My best is all I’ve got. But I try. And it seems that each day I push myself a little harder. A little further.

Somedays, I just need a time out. I often sit and wonder what I did for the day, then I recall, oh, you cooked/cleaned/did the washing,/made the beds/laughed at joke/ lent an ear when there were important things to discuss/crammed some studying/picked up legos for the millionth time/the list can go on and on…. Somedays it just feels meaningless. That my life has no real purpose. That I’m not making a difference. That I’m just here……………

I too am important. And I do have a purpose. I just need to figure out what that actually is. Maybe it’s being a mother/wife/friend/confidant? Who knows? I know that Dudie seems to think that I mean the world to him. And for now that’s all that matters.

 

My Bonny lies over the ocean….

By

On August 12, 2012

In About me, Dudie, emotions

Hi I’m SpiritedMama and I’ve been having a really hard time surviving LIFE! Life has been extreme lately. Extreme highs and some very low lows… From my last post I was suppose to give you a breakdown of the adventures of Spiritville. So let’s recap and see where we end up today.

<I said that I would not get into/onto social media at home but hey tomorrow’s Monday and a whole new adventure awaits.>

In bullet form:

  • I’ve been looking wanting to find a new school for Dudie for next year but after a few minor incidents and me no longer trusting the Principal/owner I removed Dudie from his school without even batting my eyelids. I took two days leave. Day 1, I had a meeting with his previous teacher and principal, sorted out a few issues and withdrew my child from that school directly after our meeting. Contractually, we are bound to serve a month’s notice but I’d rather pay them and not leave my child there for another month. It just makes me uncomfortable. The “what ifs”. It’s like serving notice at your workplace. We know you’re just killing time and not really doing anything constructive.
  • Day 2, I enrolled Dudie into his new school and he started immediately. He loved it and still does. His teacher says that he has adapted so well and if you looked at him you’d think he’s been there for years 🙂 I love how sociable he is and almost simultaneously he could be very shy if he wanted to be….
  • On the work front, I now face a dilemma,as I can only drop Dudie off 30 minutes later than what I used to and the traffic is just killing me right now. I can either change my working hours, which in turn messes with my swimming schedule for Dudie or I can take a pay cut and work less hours. I’m still weighing up the options, as I’m one of those peeps who feels that money is not the be all and end all….
  • On the home front, taken some time out from work and Dudie adjusting to his new school gave me some time to reorganise our home. I started staining Dudie’s chest of drawers. I repainted our street number, as the idiot who did it never came back to fix it. I did some artwork on the walls. And I repacked some cupoards. Needless to say, I was exhausted after doing everything in a couple of hours but it felt good to let go…. And just clean/declutter/beautify/reorganise…
  • So with Dudie being in a new school and me getting to work later everyday, it’s been a bit hectic. The to add that Dude and I have not been in the greatest of spaces either. There’s nothing wrong it’s just that we’re just not in synce with one another right now….  And it’s not an easy situation to be in.
  • I need support right now and maybe a few drinks………………….

That’s it for now. Catch you on the sane side!

Spirited Mama

P.S. Lately Dudie has requested that I do his bed time drill, i.e. lie down with him for a bit. I’m loving it! We cuddle and hugs and laugh in the dark until I put on my stern voice and tell him it’s way past bedtime and that he needs to sleep. He then curls his hand around my neck and says Mama, you love me! My heart melts everytime. Lately, he has been calling me Mama again. Not sure why. He did it for while then he reverted back to Mommy but now it’s Mama again.

P.P.S. Apart from everything else, I’m prepping for exams too. As I write this post I still need to read two chapters in my prescribed book. I don’t even know when last I even read a book for my leisure.

 

When Life happens

By

On July 18, 2012

In About me, emotions

Life lately

Ok, maybe you’ve noticed that I’m in a bit of a “challenging space” in my head, it seems. And maybe you haven’t. That too is ok. We’re all human and like John Lennon said “life is what happens when you’re making other plans” or something to that effect. I’ve been pinning things/emotions/ideas/solutions/problems/etc in my head. I’m not kidding, my head is buzzing. Non Stop. I literally wake during the night processing my thoughts…. WTF!

I’ve realised that I’m delusional. I set an alarm to wake 45 mins earlier so as to squeeze in a 30min exercise session. At home. I am not a gym person, so we’ve semi converted my Dude’s lapa into our mini workout area. Trick is that no one has really actively used the workout area since… I can’t even remember when. My Dude has decided that maybe we convert our spare bedroom into our “new” workout area… Great plan! I have all these ideas about making it all funky and stuff. But will we use it? I don’t know… He probably will, I on the other hand will have a million excuses not to 🙂

Life happens

On that note, I need/want to get into shape. And I’ve decided that Winter 2012 is when I’ll pull myself towards myself and just DO IT! Well, The alarm was set on Sunday evening. Morning morning I snoozed until past the time I needed to get ready for work. Tuesday, same shit different day. Wednesday, well I attempted to lift my lovely Feather Down Duvet off me and quickly decided that tomorrow is another day. Who said you need to start a fitness programme on a Monday? Why can’t it start Thursday….

I still hear voices

On the thoughts in my head, I’m getting there. I’m battling with myself and it seems I’m losing the fight. I’ve realised that after a lengthy discussion with a relative, I’ve opened up some wounds. In me. I’m raw. And I’m trying to cover it up. It creeps through. I’m not sure how to deal with it. I’ve been picking up my pieces as I go along my day/days. I’m emotionally tired/ Spiritually drained. Physically, I’m exhausted.  But I kick my self under the butt each morning to get going.

I see the change in my behaviour, and I don’t like it. I’m less patient. Less tolerant. Abrupt. Sarcastic. I’m trying to change it. But I don’t handle change well. Why I don’t know. I just don’t.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As if I don’t have enough to deal with, I/we are also looking for a new school for Dudie. He has outgrown his current school. I/we can see that he needs more….

Spirited Mama

I was NOT born That way!

By

On June 20, 2012

In About me, emotions, Parenting

I just need to vent a bit.

I have been trying to catch up with work/family/blogging/readers/life/flu….

Last week Monday, we got back from Cape Town. <Thank you for the awesome weather. We were overdressed. I kid you not>

I get to work on Tuesday, and just like that, that sniffly cold that I had before we left turned green and ugly. FAST!

On Wednesday, I go to the doctor’s rooms to try to sneak in early. But there were probably 50 people there, who all seemed to have something very contagious. I backed out and asked the friendly receptionist to give me call when it’s safe to return.

Oh, did I mention that the Dudie also showed symptoms of a cold. Well we got to see the doctor at 6pm that evening! I wa son my way to flu and Dudie was still on the “cold” front. We happily take our meds and take the rest of the week off….

On Thursday, Dudie made a miraculous recovery and every time I gave him his meds he seemed to get energised??? WTF! When I took my meds I became more and more drowsy! On Thursday, my Dude got a speech from hell, not sure what it was about but I blame my dementia on the flu meds… Dude proceeded to suggest that I take the Dudie to school half day on Friday.

<I had other plans>

I am not Stay at Home Mom (SAHM)material. I shit you not! I could be a SAHM everyday! The Dude and Dudie enjoy the fact that when I am home for a day they get spoilt with home made goodies etc. But Reality check boys – If I were a SAHM – you will NOT get those treats everyday! The novelty will wear off so quickly you’ll be begging me to go back to work! I need to work – for my own sanity. I enjoy working and I do love financial freedom! I sit on the edge of my seat monthly waiting for my sms that my salary has been paid!

On Friday morning, I drag myself out of bed. Bear in my Dudie came to lie in my bed from 7am until 8:30ish. I take him to school, return home and drop on the bed. I woke at 3pm with boots and all under the covers…

Dude had to work this weekend. So, Dudie and I got to sleep a lit later than usual, 9:15, on Saturday. By the time we got to the market, which is across the road from our house, it was 10am and they had packed up. Dudie was pissed cos he didn’t get his Saturday pancakes. So we only fed the ducks, geese & turkeys and left.

We went to Woolies and got pancakes, yoghurt, sparberry cooldrinks, cocktail sausage rolls and sweets and we had a picnic in the parking lot.  BLISS!

We got home 20mins before Dude. I put the leftovers in the kitchen for Dude. The helper was there to do her weekly thing and Dudie & I proceeded to go and have a siesta. We were sick remember. So were need to rest. It’s Wednesday, and I’m still sick. This is going on 2 weeks now. How long will this take???

This Mama needs a break!

P.S. I’m an emotional wreck when I’m sick. More like a ticking time bomb. As a mom, when do we get a sick day? Just a fckin day to be sick? Why do we always need to be the go to person?

Last nite at 9:45pm, whilst my Dude & Dudie had been in sleep heaven for over an hour already, I was still folding the washing/making fish cakes – that can just be fried today/cleaning the dishes/packing lunch/loading the machine with more washing/picking up papers/cleaning the bird cage/telling the dogs to shut the fck up/eating frozen strawberries & bananas/having tea/etc

I was wondering what other moms do to balance their lives and daily tasks…. My body needs 5-6 hours sleep to function. I can run on 1-2 hours but that’s not a pretty sight so let’s not even go there. I don’t do interruptions well either! How do you balance life/family/work/marriage? Somethings gotta give and currently my Dude is taking strain. He aint getting my attention. By the time I was done last night, it was well after 11 and I slumped on the couch to watch a really bad movie on DSTV and just sip my tea and enjoy the peace and quiet!

Enough of my rambling…. I need to take a road trip! I’m already looking at possibilities. Also this will be just in time for our annual increase…

Happiness is

By

On June 6, 2012

In emotions, Family, LOVE, Parenting

Do you believe in fate/destiny? Are you more the “factual” type. Or you don’t believe anything if you can’t see/touch it?

Do you know how hard it is to see the silver lining/positive in any and every situation ALL the time? <This is my greatest challenge as I naturally worry about EVERYTHING! But I’m trying and it’s been a few weeks now. I can honestly say that I feel better. We live better. We seem happier in general….>

My child has brought out some childlike qualities in me, again. And I’m loving it! He reminds me to just live… Just be happy.

Enjoy the moment! Create the memories….

My hope is that when I cease to exist, my child will remember our moments together….

And with that I leave you with this quote I found on P.Int.erest.

P.S. I have no idea who to credit for this, and I’m not in the mood to do a detailed search… So if this was yours – Cheers to you!

 

Me and Mrs Jones….

By

On May 29, 2012

In emotions, LOVE, Marriage, Parenting

Dude and I loved love dancing. Albeit he’s the better dancer, I still think I rock!

<A few years ago we were invited to an open day at a dance school. We had so much fun! The instructors told bith Dude and I that we need to be more stiff??? Apparently we move our hips to much? Well, my hips don’t lie!!!!>

Dudie has always liked music. And just like his mom, he enjoys a wide variety. Different genres. We even have Dude enjoying genres other than his norm.

I got home last night, granted I just needed to touch up dinner, as I had cooked on Sunday evening already. Within 5 minutes of me being there, the Dudie puts on some music. 2yr old knows exactly how to work the CD/DVD player.>  He, Dudie, chose the CD and the very first song to play is: Me & Mrs Jones… My Dude was within 2 metres of me, I give my Dude a bear hug and we slow dance in the kitchen…. We progressed through the kitchen to the living room, where Dudie was leaning against the couch. Dudie gets extremely shy when his Dad shows any affection towards me.

We invite Dudie to join in our dance but he point-blank refuses. But he did end up dancing with mommy, all by himself. See neither one of my boys wants to share me with the other. 🙂

Dudie and I ended up dancing for 20 minutes. He was so impressed with his Mommy’s dancing skills, albeit it was spinning and twirling etc… Those are the memories I want my child to have of me.
And again I embedded the smiling face of my son in my memory box…

P.S. I am well aware that as I age my metabolism slows down. I am NOT a gym person. You will NOt get me to sign up for Gym membership. I don’t care about your stupid specials. I believe that if i just get dancing again, maybe I’ll shed some kilos??? Dudie has me dancing for 20 – 30 minutes almost everyday now! I’m well aware of how unfit I am but I’ll get there….

P.P.S If you haven’t seen/bought it already you need to get Happy Feet 2. The soundtrack is amazing. We copy the dance in the intro and by the time the routine is done, I need to wipe the sweat…

 Watch the trailer here. How can your spirits not be lifted after that? Bridge of Light is one of my all time favourites to sing to Dudie…<It also helps him to vent his anger/frustrations cos he understands somehow what little Eric is going through>

 

To Infinity and Beyond…

By

On May 22, 2012

In emotions, LOVE, Parenting

For a while I’ve been toying with the idea of doing a “Bucket List”. I’m a professional procrastinator… So after A LOT of consideration, and reading the last post from Kelle Hampton’s Blog “Enjoying the Small Things” I decided to break it down into smaller chunks. Rather than having a long list and weekly list seems more doable.

I’ve made a conscious decision to try and see the positive in each situation. <IF you read my first post, it seems all doom and gloom. And let’s not forget the issues that I have with my Mom. That’ll probably never change. But I’ve made peace with it. And I choose to see the positive! I choose HAPPY! I choose LIFE!>

I have a son and for what it’s worth I will try my very best not to let him experience the hurt/sadness/disappointment/trauma that I faced growing up. I consciously choose to do thing s for him and with him. I want to create happy memories for him. <Now, I’m not saying that growing up was all bad but I remember mostly negative things – Maybe this is all my brain processed???And I’ve blocked out the rest?>

I try to soak up my son every chance I get.  I want to remember him. I want him to remember me. And our moments together. <I feel that I need to find a way to incorporate Dude as we have kinda left him out of many of our bonding sessions. But Dude has his own sessions with Dudie.>

Life is too short to be stressing about things that are beyond my control. <On Mother’s day my dude told me How he noticed the difference in me. A positive shift in my being… That was the nicest thing that he could have told me as I felt happier, was more relaxed but couldn’t pin it for some reason. And then it struck me… I a while ago I told myself that I need to enjoy the “Here and Now” and just enjoy the small things. Those are the things that matter!>

This morning at 12:05 am Dudie came to sleep in our bed. We were uncomfortable and cold, as Dudie doesn’t like to be covered but we didn’t care. We bonded as a family. So with stiff bodies we rose to this beautiful day. Amongst our morning chaos and Dudie trying to snuggle with Dude so that I can’t take him to school, we still managed to leave the house 15minutes earlier than usual! I still have no idea how we did that! So as I pull out the driveway with an unhappy 2yr old telling me that he doesn’t want to go to school anymore and that Mommy must take care of him… My heart broke. Am I doing my child an injustice by working full time? I am an independent woman. I need want need to work. Maybe I just need to find a JOB that only requires my attention for a few hours… But how? I had all these thoughts racing through my head… And then I decided, I’ve changed our world by enjoying the small things and by creating time for us. Let  me not stop now… So I did it.

We went to McDonalds drive thru and ordered a Sausage McMuffin to share… Dudie had his Milo and I had my coffee and off we went to school. The look on my child’s face when we got out food from the drive thru was unbelievable. You’d swear someone handed me a bag of diamonds or cash!!! We arrived at school. I parked in the bay, looked at my watch and decided fck this, I’ll leave when Dudie is done eating. I’ll get to work when I get there. We sat in his classroom, on little red chairs at the green table. Drinking our coffee and sharing a McMuffin. All whilst Dudie pointed out the pictures and objects on the wall. That right there was where my heart burst with love and joy. That was Priceless!!!!!

 P.S. I was going to do a Bucket List post but I got carried away here. So I’ll do the list in the next post…

 

Ciao

Page 3 of 5

← Previous

Next →

About SpiritedMama

Recent posts

Subscribe to Blog via Email

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Follow

Follow Spirited Mama on X

Featured On CTInsider
We Blog For Love

Spiritedmama

Follow Spirited Mama on Facebook

Meta

Find Spirited Mama on your preferred platform

© 2012-2023 spiritedmama.co.za All Rights Reserved

%d bloggers like this: