Motherhood_best-achievement-spiritedmama

Do my kids really make me angry?

My kids have a set routine and we follow their routines quite efficiently. They know what to expect and when to expect it and this in turn sees them as generally “good” kids. The problem is that I feel they make me angry when they don’t do what I want them to do…when I want them to do it.

I don’t think I have the right to be angry BUT in that moment I am angry and I can’t help it! I breathe, I tell myself to calm the fuck down. It’s not the end of the world BUT to me it feels that I have lost control.

So I’ve been toying with this anger for a while and Tuesday was one of those nights… Our electricity went out just after 8pm. For the record, Troll, 1 yr, goes to bed anywhere from 6 – 7 pm. No issues, no fuss. Dudie, 8 years, goes to bed 7:30 PM but now during school holiday we leave him until generally around 9/10 PM.

Back to Tuesday. Electricity goes out just after 8PM. Granted we have a generator but we had done everything that we needed to so there was technically no reason to use the generator other than to be able to power the aircons. It’s freezing at night.

Troll sleeps in his own room and does not co-sleep with us AT ALL. We expereinced a terrible week of co-sleeping whilst on holiday earlier in teh year and I vowed that we would NOT repeat that again. So we decided it would be a good idea for the rest of the family to catch up on some sleep and turn down early.

Around 9PM, one of the neighbours switched on their generator. WTF! Both dude and I were like, “that generator is going to wake Troll” as it sounds as if it is coming from next door, closest to his window…. And BAM! Baby wakes up and is pissed as hell. So I quickly cuddle him in our bed for some warmth and pray that he just goes back to sleep. That must have lasted 20 minutes…

Troll decided he wants to play because why else would he be in our bed… The dilemma we had was that his room was freezing cos NO aircon! Troll is also a bad, all over the bed, sleeper. So in between Dude and I trying to get him to settle, Dude eventually pipes up that Troll is NOT going to sleep and we should just let him be.

Where the anger stems from?

So many possible solutions here but let me point out a few:

If I have settled my kids, then why are they not settled??? I don’t know how to help you.
I feel that I have lost control of the situation.
What am I doing wrong? Parenting is kicking my ass. If I can’t manage my kids at 8 years and 1 year, what will I do when they are teenagers…
I am tired and just want a good night’s sleep.
I’m under pressure and stressed at work.
This situation is not conducive to my current mood and is quite inconvenient and inconsiderate right now…
I expect my kids to be more mature… How I can think this crap is beyond me. Note to self – THEY ARE KIDS!

I really need to get a grip on these negative thoughts!

How I am managing my anger

I know that many parents feel this way too. It’s not intentional BUT these feelings creep up when I least expect it. Some days I manage the anger well and others NOT.

I want to start making notes of when, where and WHY I became angry. Hopefully, this might point out some triggers for similar situations.

More and more I find myself talking to myself, sometimes aloud. This is not as crazy as you might think because sometimes we need to SAY SOMETHING OUT LOUD and hear YOUR OWN VOICE. You might have that much needed ah-ha moment.

I’m trying my hardest to model good behaviour.

I need regular time-outs! Nothing fancy, just a time-out to do me… some times a walk outside the house to look at our roses bushes does wonders…

Parenting and emotions

Parenting is NOT for the faint hearted! Parenting is very very hard sometimes. It’s an emotional roller coaster. As a woman, I already have dozens of emotions and hormones doing all kinds of crazy things to me and on top of that I still have to keep my emotions in check when parenting. That being said, Parenting is also my greatest achievement!

Spirited Mama quotes

I just can’t imagine living without my offspring…

Spirited Mama

x

Random thoughts. Heart, Mind & Soul

By spiritedmama1

On September 28, 2012

In About me, Family

I was never one to have very very close relationships with anyone now that I think about it. I had a select few that I really connected with but alas I admit that “life happened” and we have some how lost touch… It’s sad really. Everyone needs a person. And as life progressed I moved through it so fast that I forgot to stop and connect with my person. My person moved away to another country almost 2 years ago…. I miss her terribly…. And I hope that sometime soon I’ll be able to pay her a surprise visit…

I’ve done some digging in my heart, mind & soul and I’ve realised that the disconnect from family life might also be why I disconnect from friends… I’m the person that would walk up to you and just talk you because I felt like, thought you were interesting, or just whatever. I’ve been classified as a “people’s person” but I think it’s more me wanting to please everyone that makes me seem like a people’s person. Dudie has this same personality of just talking to random strangers 🙂 As much as I enjoy him being a sociable child, I’m unsure how to clarify “stranger danger“. You lead by example and if Mom is talking to strangers why can’t he. Oi, we’ll cross that bridge when we get there.

The crux of the matter is “how can I teach my child to value his friendships or family relationships” when I am not valuing/nurturing mine? I would love to say that it is not intentional but I’m confused and to a degree I think that I am intentionally NOT nurturing relationships. It’s not that I don’t care. It’s that I think I don’t have the time. And that it’ll all work itself out. Much like I think/hope/pray that my marriage works with minimal effort from my side. Bad attitude – I know. Work in progress. This might be the actual reason why I smother Dudie 🙂

Enough of my thoughts. I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair, still on of my all time favourites… Click here if you haven’t heard it before or even if you need a feel good song for Friday

P.S. Did I mention that Dudie is learning sign language? It’s an added extra from the school, thanks. My child conversed with me in sign language at 6am this morning…. Needless to say that I need to brush up on my signing… Oh, and he also seems to know some Sotho/Portuguese and French… Class mates, we guess…

Fragile. Beware

By spiritedmama1

On September 12, 2012

In emotions, Time out

My mind is screwing me again…. All those little voices….. All those ideas on how to fix a problem….

I’m trying a new approach. “The road less travelled” in Spiritville. I somehow end up making the same mistakes, then want to beat myself up for not seeing the signs, but then I end up sulking and I desperately try and claw my way out of the hole.

Same shit. Different Day. Same cycle???? WTF? Why? How? Am I just not wired properly?

I know that it’s going to be hard. I know that it’s going to be ugly but I’m hoping that the reward will outweigh all the hardships/obstacles on the journey….

P.S. I can feel an ugly cry coming so I’m signing off for now.

I’m here but my mind is NOT….

By spiritedmama1

On September 12, 2012

In Time out

I went all Martha on myself!

By spiritedmama1

On August 16, 2012

In Dudie, emotions, Time out

I read this post about Doing it all by Raising Men and it got me thinking about how I think pretend to be superwoman. And whilst superwoman is flying high suddenly she gets hit by some turbulence and crash lands. But she gracefully gets up, dusts herself and takes to the sky again. This process is on repeat in my world. How do I stop it? Do I want to stop it? After much deliberation, I’ve realised that “that” crash landing is my coping mechanism. I quit smoking in January this year and although I’ve been temtped when facing trying times I’ve stuck to my guns and have not smoked again.

My crash landing is generally somewhere between me having a very very FUGLY cry or me sitting alone in the dark after the everyone’s in bed not being able to focus on anything as I have a gazillion things/ideas/plans/voices wreaking havoc in my head. Sometimes I might even have a hissy fit and just let rip (read: throw my toys out the cot and scream at Dude). I really try not to take it out on Dudie but damn it’s tough. With Dudie, I kinda do and say stuff without the usual emotions involved. (True story – as Dude pointed this out to me). It really sad ‘cos I can see him distance himself from me at times.

But as we know nobody is perfect. We all have our flaws. And we all try our best. And our best is all we can give. So with that in mind, if you need to have a cry – cry. Put on some mascara and lipgloss and you’ll be ready to face the world again 🙂

Yesterday, after I missed my bus and then the next bus was delayed and then I git a later train, etc, etc, etc… Still, I got home in record time but my mood was a bit “off”. not sure why but as I walked into to the doorway, Dudie greeted me very enthusiastically with a smile but from a distance. When I approached him he ran off. Everytime I tried to get close to him, he ran off. My heart was torn, a bit. But after him showing me how he can do a tumble(bomme la kisie – for those of you that understand that term) and how the fish and oscar can too, and after telling me about his teacher and who know what else he was mumbling, he eventually let me hug him. And then he came to tell me arms stretched out that he loves me to the end of the earth and back(and then when you get to the word back – we hug). My heart melted and I forgot all about that rejection… By the way this is how I tell him how much I love him, all the time.

He saw Dude wanting to chuck the Ultramel custard and went all “Pleease can I have custard?” We tried to explain that the custard has been in the fridge for a few days, well we don’t really know how long, and we not sure that it’s still edible – He can’t have. Immediately, my light bulb came on, as I realised that I have custard powder in he cupboard. Well , I organised the Dudie, who of course offered to help.

I then made a bread pudding and custard. My kid thinks I’m the greatest as I can make custard 🙂

Exhibit A

exhibit B – My portion

And this is how I went all Martha Stewart on myself. I’m so proud of well I handle the “ups” but I’m not so sure about the “down” period. Luckily, in my opinion, it seems that the recovery period in “down” is so much quicker than before.

P.S. Today’s school drive conversation with Dudie

We drive past a building with animal statues every morning. And it’s the best game ever to spot as many animals as possible. I watch his reaction in my mirror whilst driving ‘cos you know I still need to keep an eye on the road too.

Me: I see the Giraffes

Dudie: I can’t see

Dudie: The bus needs to go fast. I can’t see!!! I can’t see! Jusses(yes, I know it’s bad to use the lord’s name in vain – but who hasn’t). Come on man!

Me: You know that’s not nice. I know that you’re frustrated but maybe you can express yourself in a different manner.

Dudie: Rolls his eyes at me… Oh my Gosh! Jusses. Come on man!

I nearly pee’d my pants trying not to laugh. This child is not even three. I sent Dude a message about the incident and very politely mentioned that “jusses, Come on man” is his saying…. I’m yet to receive a reply.

P.P.S Let me get on with being super careerwoman now.

SpiritedMama

When Life happens

By spiritedmama1

On July 18, 2012

In About me, emotions

Life lately

Ok, maybe you’ve noticed that I’m in a bit of a “challenging space” in my head, it seems. And maybe you haven’t. That too is ok. We’re all human and like John Lennon said “life is what happens when you’re making other plans” or something to that effect. I’ve been pinning things/emotions/ideas/solutions/problems/etc in my head. I’m not kidding, my head is buzzing. Non Stop. I literally wake during the night processing my thoughts…. WTF!

I’ve realised that I’m delusional. I set an alarm to wake 45 mins earlier so as to squeeze in a 30min exercise session. At home. I am not a gym person, so we’ve semi converted my Dude’s lapa into our mini workout area. Trick is that no one has really actively used the workout area since… I can’t even remember when. My Dude has decided that maybe we convert our spare bedroom into our “new” workout area… Great plan! I have all these ideas about making it all funky and stuff. But will we use it? I don’t know… He probably will, I on the other hand will have a million excuses not to 🙂

Life happens

On that note, I need/want to get into shape. And I’ve decided that Winter 2012 is when I’ll pull myself towards myself and just DO IT! Well, The alarm was set on Sunday evening. Morning morning I snoozed until past the time I needed to get ready for work. Tuesday, same shit different day. Wednesday, well I attempted to lift my lovely Feather Down Duvet off me and quickly decided that tomorrow is another day. Who said you need to start a fitness programme on a Monday? Why can’t it start Thursday….

I still hear voices

On the thoughts in my head, I’m getting there. I’m battling with myself and it seems I’m losing the fight. I’ve realised that after a lengthy discussion with a relative, I’ve opened up some wounds. In me. I’m raw. And I’m trying to cover it up. It creeps through. I’m not sure how to deal with it. I’ve been picking up my pieces as I go along my day/days. I’m emotionally tired/ Spiritually drained. Physically, I’m exhausted. But I kick my self under the butt each morning to get going.

I see the change in my behaviour, and I don’t like it. I’m less patient. Less tolerant. Abrupt. Sarcastic. I’m trying to change it. But I don’t handle change well. Why I don’t know. I just don’t.

As if I don’t have enough to deal with, I/we are also looking for a new school for Dudie. He has outgrown his current school. I/we can see that he needs more….

Spirited Mama

I call it multi-skilling

By spiritedmama1

On February 2, 2012

In About me, emotions

My husband has reminded me that I have conversations in my head and then proceed to finish these conversations with him all whilst he was not included from the start. I’d say something and he’d be like… What? and I’d be like but I told you this. And then the debate <read: argument> commences. He said she said, you know how it goes.

My question is: Do you think that your behaviour rubs off onto your spouse and vice versa?

<I realised that my husband internalised certain conversations too>

Nevertheless, I always defend myself when accused of having internal conversations. And then this morning I realised, Fck! I’m having a full-blown conversation with myself. Like I’m talking aloud to myself. Asking questions and then answering and then disagreeing with myself…

Then, I wondered if this would be classified as having multiple personalities? I haven’t googled it yet but probably will later. I just decided that for now: I CALL IT MULTI-SKILLING!

Spirited Mama

Spirited Mama

Living a SPIRITED life filled with wanderlust, emotions and everything in between

Tag: psychology

My kids make me angry or is it just me needing to express my emotions?

Do my kids really make me angry?