Do my kids really make me angry?
My kids have a set routine and we follow their routines quite efficiently. They know what to expect and when to expect it and this in turn sees them as generally “good” kids. The problem is that I feel they make me angry when they don’t do what I want them to do…when I want them to do it.
I don’t think I have the right to be angry BUT in that moment I am angry and I can’t help it! I breathe, I tell myself to calm the fuck down. It’s not the end of the world BUT to me it feels that I have lost control.
So I’ve been toying with this anger for a while and Tuesday was one of those nights… Our electricity went out just after 8pm. For the record, Troll, 1 yr, goes to bed anywhere from 6 – 7 pm. No issues, no fuss. Dudie, 8 years, goes to bed 7:30 PM but now during school holiday we leave him until generally around 9/10 PM.
Back to Tuesday. Electricity goes out just after 8PM. Granted we have a generator but we had done everything that we needed to so there was technically no reason to use the generator other than to be able to power the aircons. It’s freezing at night.
Troll sleeps in his own room and does not co-sleep with us AT ALL. We expereinced a terrible week of co-sleeping whilst on holiday earlier in teh year and I vowed that we would NOT repeat that again. So we decided it would be a good idea for the rest of the family to catch up on some sleep and turn down early.
Around 9PM, one of the neighbours switched on their generator. WTF! Both dude and I were like, “that generator is going to wake Troll” as it sounds as if it is coming from next door, closest to his window…. And BAM! Baby wakes up and is pissed as hell. So I quickly cuddle him in our bed for some warmth and pray that he just goes back to sleep. That must have lasted 20 minutes…
Troll decided he wants to play because why else would he be in our bed… The dilemma we had was that his room was freezing cos NO aircon! Troll is also a bad, all over the bed, sleeper. So in between Dude and I trying to get him to settle, Dude eventually pipes up that Troll is NOT going to sleep and we should just let him be.
Where the anger stems from?
So many possible solutions here but let me point out a few:
- If I have settled my kids, then why are they not settled??? I don’t know how to help you.
- I feel that I have lost control of the situation.
- What am I doing wrong? Parenting is kicking my ass. If I can’t manage my kids at 8 years and 1 year, what will I do when they are teenagers…
- I am tired and just want a good night’s sleep.
- I’m under pressure and stressed at work.
- This situation is not conducive to my current mood and is quite inconvenient and inconsiderate right now…
- I expect my kids to be more mature… How I can think this crap is beyond me. Note to self – THEY ARE KIDS!
I really need to get a grip on these negative thoughts!
How I am managing my anger
I know that many parents feel this way too. It’s not intentional BUT these feelings creep up when I least expect it. Some days I manage the anger well and others NOT.
I want to start making notes of when, where and WHY I became angry. Hopefully, this might point out some triggers for similar situations.
More and more I find myself talking to myself, sometimes aloud. This is not as crazy as you might think because sometimes we need to SAY SOMETHING OUT LOUD and hear YOUR OWN VOICE. You might have that much needed ah-ha moment.
I’m trying my hardest to model good behaviour.
I need regular time-outs! Nothing fancy, just a time-out to do me… some times a walk outside the house to look at our roses bushes does wonders…
Parenting and emotions
Parenting is NOT for the faint hearted! Parenting is very very hard sometimes. It’s an emotional roller coaster. As a woman, I already have dozens of emotions and hormones doing all kinds of crazy things to me and on top of that I still have to keep my emotions in check when parenting. That being said, Parenting is also my greatest achievement!
I just can’t imagine living without my offspring…