Second child syndrome. Hand me downs? Is it fair or OK to pass on things?Do you feel neglected as a second child? I am the eldest of two children. But I am also the only girl. I have a brother who is 9 years younger than me. Dude is the youngest of three children but granted his brother is 8/9 years older than him. In essence, we kinda grew up as “only” children or in different generations to that of our siblings. Dudie and the resident alien will have a 7 year age gap between them. Whilst I am all for sibling bonds I am most certainly NOT cut out to be a mom of two babies/small children. Hence, the age gap between my boys… I do worry that they will not “click” right away but as with anything you cannot predict the future. My wish is that my boys create and find “their own special brotherly bond”.
Is it fair or OK to pass on things?Do you feel neglected as a second child?
The competitiveness…First born vs last born? The resident alien is not even born yet and already I am picking up competitive vibes from Dudie. And No it’s not anything that we have said or done but Dudie had a problem with the name that we I have chosen for his little brother. Yes, imagine that. To quote my 6 soon to be 7 year old, in exactly 8 days he will be 7 – he promptly reminds me daily of how many days are left until his birthday “that name is too powerful for my little brother”. I shit you not. When did this boy get sooo smart? And who in the hell of it old him which names are powerful? Oh my, this is but a sliver of what I can look forward to with my spirited Dudie. This kid is song willed…
Does it create sibling rivalry? Dude and I had this conversation the other day and granted I agree that if the parent makes a fuss about it the second child might feel somewhat neglected or begin to realise that this might not be normal behaviour. Although, I have always given Dudie things to family and charity my Dude had a valid question…”Why is the stuff not good enough for the resident alien? Honestly, I couldn’t think of a valid reason. Perhaps it’s the mommy guilt of wanting to give my boys everything I possibly can. And wanting to give the resident alien his “own” things?
I foresee a journey full of discovery for the Spirited Household. I hope that we all embrace the changes with love, respect and dignity…
Happy bonding.
Spirited Mama
I chose these random images as I didn’t think anyone would want me posting pictures of their kids on my blog…and well the resident alien is still in utero so how do you think I would get a picture of my boys together…
I am a WOMAN, and yes that is most certainly my super power.
As women we tend to downplay our lives, our achievements, our dreams/ambitions/goals so that we can help others (whomever these others may be but you know who I am referring to right…others who always miraculously enter our lives just when we think ahhh let me do just this one thing for myself)
Well today there is really no beating around the bush. My blog post is dedicated to me and ALL the WOMEN out there.
I have many ideas but often stagnate and procrastinate. I lose my shit when things don’t go my way. I can have a temper tantrum…aka adult tantrum. I am not perfect but I am ME.
I am not a perfect size 8 10 12 but I have curves and a very unique physique. Oh hell right now I am not sure what my size will be next week as the resident alien is growing at a rapid pace right now. Can’t believe I am 20 weeks already. Halfway. Fck, before we know it he will be here…
I am a women, a girl, a wife,a lover, a mom, a daughter, a sister, granddaughter, a cousin, a friend, an aunt, a godmother, a colleague and soooo much more…I am phenomenal. I AM WOMAN.
Where do I even start??? I am so pissed actually. I have been hunting down Cadbury‘s Peanut Tumbles but can’t find it anywhere…Like nowhere in Pretoria can I find just one freaking packet…And what gets to me is that this hunt has been on for a long long long ass time now.
Cadbury this is my plea to you. Please bring Peanut tumbles back….
Love how you say “Let the joy find you” well I am searching and just not finding MY joy!!!!
So on Wednesday Dudie jumps in the car after soccer practise and announces that his big tooth, central incisor (did you know that it actually had a real name), is loose. I inspect, now bare in mind that teeth pulling is not my thing. I will wipe your arse and clean up after you. Hell I will even clean up blood spills and wounds BUT DO NOT ASK ME TO PULL YOUR TOOTH. It freaks me out! Just the thought of it gives me the hibbejeebees… That is Dude’s job. So I say don’t worry you can ask Dad later to pull it for you.
Fast forward all other extra mural activities and this is how it went down at home…I say can you guys not pull that tooth before we have supper then that way Dudie can eat properly without having to worry about this loose tooth…So Dude and Dudie go off to the bathroom, with Dudie yelling Come on Mom come see…
No thank you Mom is happily setting the table for dinner. I hear the moaning and arguing because now the tooth seems to be tight and slipping and now they are looking for a pliers. I STAY AWAY! Next minute Dude comes out of the bathroom, looking like a surgeon who just completed a 12hour surgery and Dudie comes racing to the table, blood dripping from his mouth I kid you not, but so ecstatic that his tooth is out. I am just elated that shit is over and I did not have to witness any of it. Oh my greatness, I am beyond scared that if anything happens to Dude what the fuck am I going to do??? And the resident alien will also have to go through this process. I am not scared of a dentist, not at all. In fact I have very good teeth. Up to today, I still have my own teeth and NO fillings whatsoever. I will religiously brush my teeth, to point where Dude has told me I am going to brush the enamel off.
During our dinner conversation, Dude says wow that tooth is so big maybe the tooth fairy will bring you R50. I choked a little but thought, Fuck am I glad it’s not my turn to be the tooth fairy! Later I say to Dude, don’t you think it’s a bit much? But he feels the kid deserved a royal treat. Then I say, well does the tooth fairy even have cash? Now, please note that I never carry cash, like never. The money that you do find in my possession is probably just the daily aftercare fee that I have to withdraw else my kid and teachers get confused about when he has casual aftercare days…(Tried paying upfront but they fucked up my system so now I withdraw the exact amount and ensure that I have the exact denominations per day for casual aftercare) Anyway, so I had to borrow Dude, aka Tooth fairy dad, R50.
You may have read about our mishap with the tooth fairy last time, if not you can read it here
This time I was so not going to mess this up. When I went to bed Dudie was most likely having his 3rd or 4th dream, so I carefully removed the tooth from under his pillow and placed the R50 there instead.
Can I just say that this kid was so chuffed when he woke up the next morning. Why? Because Daddy was right. The tooth fairy also thought that that was a big tooth and that he deserved R50.
Let’s just hope the next tooth he loses is a smaller one, else I am fucked….just saying…
Happy Friday!
Spirited Mama
P.S. My Tooth Fairy will be standing at the traffic light with a cardboard sign…
( I randomly sourced this image on the net and just inserted my own words…)
Whoa!!!! this shit just got real…I can’t believe how expensive things are….
I don’t even know who is more shocked…me or my bank balance. 7 years ago I almost died at the sight of the price tags of baby essentials but walking into Baby City a few weeks ago was mind boggling. I left with….nothing. I kid you not I was so shocked that I decided that I needed to regroup and clear my head. I needed a game plan and essential shopping list.
OMG, Thank goodness I still have my babysense sling and sleepy sack that I bought for Dudie when he was born. This child of mine only used his sling until he could peep out and actually see that there is activity beyond that sling so he needs to be sitting upright and checking out his surroundings. And that was the beginning of the end. Thereafter he only ever wanted to be on the floor so I packed away our sling. Here’s hoping that we will put it to good use when the new baby arrives… Now, although this is only my opinion of the essentials one would require for a new baby, in no way am I saying that your offspring will become the next president or world renowned scientist, please remember that we all have different needs and priorities. Of course as parents we only want the best for our offspring but hell man it can break your bank account.
Essential must haves:
Jogger Pram/stroller – sorted as I still have Dudie’s.
Camp cot – sorted as I still have Dudie’s.
infant/newborn car seat – sorted still Dudie’s, but I could get a new more padded version
bath compactum – sorted still Dudie’s.
bath seat and pillow – sorted still Dudie’s.
baby monitor – you guessed it, still Dudie’s.
thermometer – Dudie’s but need to check if it is still in a good working condition.
breast pump – frantically looking for it in the house as OMG it costs a small fortune.
pacifier -Dudie used his for 8weeks and the weaned himself off of it. Will buy some…
bottles- I used Dr Browns and Nuk with Dudie… Will buy new ones as I haven’t even checked what the old one’s look like…maybe I should just leave it at that and buy new ones.
wet wipes you can never have enough wet wipes. Dudie is 6 and at any given time you can walk into our house and you’d be guaranteed to find random packets of wet wipes in the house and even cars.
nappies, nappies, nappies
telement drops
telement gripewater
lansinoh nipple cream – it saved my nipples the last time.
bio oil – I guess its just my genetics but those stretchmarks still make their appearance….but love the bio oil nonetheless.
Now no list would be complete without a few tons of nice to haves….
baby rocker – still need to investigate this but love the concept
activity playmat -I only found the poles of our previous one….no mat but I did find the monkey that hangs from the bars. I could just make my own and connect those pipes to each other and let the resident alien lie on a mat soft mattress…but someone might just report me to the welfare
those pretty babysense burp cloths
babywrap because I love the idea of wearing my offspring. I loved my sling, pity Dudie didn’t want to use it longer.
a baby bag which will double as Mom’s handbag for the next 12 months…We all dream of this glamorous image of a new mom but in reality it is just convenient and much much less time consuming to pop your own essentials into the baby bag.
a new car seat – even though we kind of have this sorted I would like a new one though…just died at the sight of the price tags…
a new baby monitor – we have the very basic one but wow have you seen the fancy monitors these days.
shares in Pampers because you won’t believe how much money you will spend on nappies…I kid you not. Can someone let me know how I can buy shares in Pampers….
A decorator to do the new baby room….we seriously need some inspiration/ideas for a nursery/little boy’s room.
a few breakaways for mom….just me time…a peaceful night’s sleep, uninterrupted, preferably in a high end hotel with amazing room service so that I can just stay in my pjs the whole day.
a new car- ok maybe this is taking it too far but I can dream can’t I?
a Personal trainer to get back my pre preggie body…
A chef/cook, like that little old lady from the fattis and Monis tv ad. The one they used to keep locked away in the broom closet. She would make life so much easier and we could literally just ooh and aahhh over the baby all day long. (found the ad on Youtube)
In essence, you don’t need all those fancy designer clothes as your precious baby grows out it so fast. Sometimes they outgrow clothes they never even wore…don’t get me wrong it’s lovely to dress this new sweet smelling baby but believe me they poop and puke all the same in ordinary clothes just as they will in designer brands…
Currently, I am trying to figure out should I go get that wax at Sorbet or buy the damn PregOmega….Newly waxed vjay jay vs fishy burps daily…Just kidding…I will get the PregOmega vitamins. I used it with Dudie and it definitely made a difference then and now. Just got back from my wax
I am already actively looking for a nursery school even whilst the resident alien is still in utero. It baffles me that I need to pay a deposit to secure his spot for 2017….its days liked these that I feel I should have a money tree in the backyard. Just go pick some money as and when I need it.
Sadly on Sunday 28 August 2016 at 04:22 am Mamma breathed her last breath of life over my fingers. It was a bittersweet, surreal, peaceful, quiet, but so very special moment that we shared. One last moment with my Mamma. I will miss you ALWAYS!!!!
Only two weeks after the diagnosis was confirmed Mamma had lost the battle. She was a brave and strong willed woman. If you missed it you can read When Cancer happens
I LOVE YOU ALWAYS. L
My heart is broken. I cannot do not want to imagine my life without you….but it is a bitter reality I must face. My heart breaks for Dudie who cries and cries for you.
It seems like a bad dream but everytime I want to call you up and remind you to pack something for our upcoming holiday at the end of September….I remember that I will never speak to you again. I will never hear your voice again. I will never hear you laugh again. And I will never see you smile again.
We have so many wonderful memories. And those memories I will treasure forever. But what I wouldn’t do just to have one more day with you…
Spirited Mama
P.S. I will do a proper post dedicated to Mamma soon. Right now my whole being is broken.
