Spirited Mama

Living a SPIRITED life filled with wanderlust, emotions and everything in between

Tag: about me

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My kids make me angry or is it just me needing to express my emotions?

By

On July 12, 2018

In Parenting

Do my kids really make me angry?

My kids have a set routine and we follow their routines quite efficiently. They know what to expect and when to expect it and this in turn sees them as generally “good” kids. The problem is that I feel they make me angry when they don’t do what I want them to do…when I want them to do it.

I don’t think I have the right to be angry BUT in that moment I am angry and I can’t help it! I breathe, I tell myself to calm the fuck down. It’s not the end of the world BUT to me it feels that I have lost control.

So I’ve been toying with this anger for a while and Tuesday was one of those nights… Our electricity went out just after 8pm. For the record, Troll, 1 yr, goes to bed anywhere from 6 – 7 pm. No issues, no fuss. Dudie, 8 years, goes to bed 7:30 PM but now during school holiday we leave him until generally around 9/10 PM.

Back to Tuesday. Electricity goes out just after 8PM. Granted we have a generator but we had done everything that we needed to so there was technically no reason to use the generator other than to be able to power the aircons. It’s freezing at night.

Troll sleeps in his own room and does not co-sleep with us AT ALL. We expereinced a terrible week of co-sleeping whilst on holiday earlier in teh year and I vowed that we would NOT repeat that again. So we decided it would be a good idea for the rest of the family to catch up on some sleep and turn down early.

Around 9PM, one of the neighbours switched on their generator. WTF! Both dude and I were like, “that generator is going to wake Troll” as it sounds as if it is coming from next door, closest to his window…. And BAM! Baby wakes up and is pissed as hell. So I quickly cuddle him in our bed for some warmth and pray that he just goes back to sleep. That must have lasted 20 minutes…

Troll decided he wants to play because why else would he be in our bed… The dilemma we had was that his room was freezing cos NO aircon! Troll is also a bad, all over the bed, sleeper. So in between Dude and I trying to get him to settle, Dude eventually pipes up that Troll is NOT going to sleep and we should just let him be.

 Where the anger stems from?

So many possible solutions here but let me point out a few:

  • If I have settled my kids, then why are they not settled??? I don’t know how to help you.
  • I feel that I have lost control of the situation.
  • What am I doing wrong? Parenting is kicking my ass. If I can’t manage my kids at 8 years and 1 year, what will I do when they are teenagers…
  • I am tired and just want a good night’s sleep.
  • I’m under pressure and stressed at work.
  • This situation is not conducive to my current mood and is quite inconvenient and inconsiderate right now…
  • I expect my kids to be more mature… How I can think this crap is beyond me. Note to self – THEY ARE KIDS!

I really need to get a grip on these negative thoughts!

How I am managing my anger

I know that many parents feel this way too. It’s not intentional BUT these feelings creep up when I least expect it. Some days I manage the anger well and others NOT.

I want to start making notes of when, where and WHY I became angry. Hopefully, this might point out some triggers for similar situations.

More and more I find myself talking to myself, sometimes aloud. This is not as crazy as you might think because sometimes we need to SAY SOMETHING OUT LOUD and hear YOUR OWN VOICE. You might have that much needed ah-ha moment.

I’m trying my hardest to model good behaviour.

I need regular time-outs! Nothing fancy, just a time-out to do me… some times a walk outside the house to look at our roses bushes does wonders…

Parenting and emotions

Parenting is NOT for the faint hearted! Parenting is very very hard sometimes. It’s an emotional roller coaster. As a woman, I already have dozens of emotions and hormones doing all kinds of crazy things to me and on top of that I still have to keep my emotions in check when parenting. That being said, Parenting is also my greatest achievement!

Motherhood_best-achievement-spiritedmama

Spirited Mama quotes

 

I just can’t imagine living without my offspring…

Spirited Mama

x

 

The hours in my day

By

On June 14, 2017

In Parenting, Reflections

Hello, in this little Spirited Family, if you have read some of my posts, nothing is uneventful. Sometimes, I wonder if what is actually happening is real or a dream. By golly, I sometimes sit and reflect on our life and literally end up laughing out loud at some of the shit that happens. This family can be funny….but we are a herd and we love each other. That’s all that matters…

The hours

I’ve been MIA because life has been CRAY CRAY… me getting back to work after maternity leave, Troll starting at his daycare, me getting into a routine with the school run for 2 kids. WHOA! Who knew adding 1 little person can rock the boat that much. For most of it, we have fun in the mornings, even when I’m freaking out that we are running late. Some mornings it’s a screaming match. Some mornings we look like the Brady bunch.

But here’s a rundown of the day before I started working again:

The day started off fairly well. Dudie didn’t have too many issues getting up or getting ready for school. Dude sends me a message “Enjoy your last day at home”. I have been taking Troll to his daycare every morning for a week to get used to his new environment too. I generally sit in the office and watch him on the monitors fro an hour of so. Then we leave for home. After the school run, I dash back to Dudie’s school to buy books on his wishlist from the Travelling Bookshop. (I never carry cash so I had to go swipe my card myself – imagine me giving Dudie all that cash – Uhm I think NOT!). Then my Aunt calls to say they are in the city for a few hours, can we have a quick visit? I say sure but I have a few errands and will call when I’m home. Then Troll decides to be miserable and make a monster poop. I quickly calculate and decide we are only 5 km’s from home, let’s go home.

How do the hours in a day go by so quickly?

At home, I change Troll and give him a solid feed. I make myself a warm steaming cup of coffee. One of our dogs seems to think she is a cat. So the cat decided to become Houdini, and jumped the wall or escaped somehow… Troll decides to make an explosive poop AGAIN! I change him, and voila as I pick him up he vomits all over both of us. So I change him and myself… My phone keeps ringing. It’s the neighbour to tell me the dog is casually lying outside in front of their gate…WTF? How did she get there? I rush outside to take her back in. Give her a stern scolding and let it be.

Troll decides to nap and I think, fuck it, let me enjoy this coffee. Then the estate agent calls, she has a potential tenant for us but urgently needs the key to the flat. So I say ok I will bring the key in a bit. By now, it’s 11am and I now need to race all the way to the other end of Pretoria and drop the keys and then race back for Dudie’s pickup. Then I remembered I needed stuff for Troll. I pack up the sleeping baby and stop at Clicks. OMG!!!! This Clicks is becoming notorious for the lack of “efficient” customer service in the checkout queue. I’m not even kidding. They are by far the slowest I have ever seen.  Whether it is busy or not, they will work at the same snail pace as they usually do. Eventually, I am out of there and hitting the road. Why is it that when you are in a hurry seems everyone else is on a “go slow”?

I make it to the estate agent in record time. I didn’t even switch the car off. I just gave her the keys outside the estate. LOKL. Back in the car – thankfully Troll is sleeping through ALL of this. I rush to meet my family. I managed to hug and greet properly and down a Chai Latté in a few minutes. Ticked that off my list, now to rush to pick up Dudie. On route, I decide to pop a chocolate eclair sweet in my mouth. Now, this is NOT a sweet that you can eat very fast. I get to school and damn this sweet is still in my mouth. As I approach the gate, the teacher wants to talk to me and I can’t open my mouth as the damn sweet is now stuck between my top and bottom back molars… As I try to speak I have drool dripping on the side of my mouth. Thankfully, I just raised the baby to my right cheek and avoided a very embarrassing situation. As I collect Dudie, he announces that he needs to go back for his water bottles. I’m thinking of chaining the damn thing to him, as lately he just seems very blasé about its whereabouts…Well until I ask about it.

What’s another hour in my day…

One more stop. We arrive at swimming school. Dudie has his lesson and I drift off whilst the other moms ooh and aah over Troll in the waiting area. Back in the car, I cover Troll with his warm blanket and tell Dudie to wrap himself with ALL his clothes. I put the aircon on full blast just so that I can stay awake whilst driving home.

I told Dude that if I am passed out by the time he gets home; it’s because I have had 25 days worth of crazy in one day.

Some days I have this all sorted and some days…well it’s all CRAY CRAY.

Spirited Mama

P.S. Dudie tells me, “Mom if you don’t want to smell like the baby’s vomit just wash with soap and water”. Me: Thanks my child, I’ll remember that…

 

10 Years ago…

By

On February 3, 2017

In Marriage, Reflections

10 years ago

Today, 10 years ago….we became Mr & Mrs ❤ To be joined together as one.

The one phrase that stuck in my head since 10 years ago is “They are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man put asunder” Matthew 19.6 (Dude seems confused. As if this is the first time he hears this verse…was he not at our wedding😂)

We have grown so much…it amazes me. We have so much to be grateful for and we are most definitely abundantly blessed. We even gained 2 beautiful sons in our marriage.

Here’s to the next 10 years and the next, and the next, etc

Dude is sitting next to me as I write this post this is what he just said…”Our marriage is like our tortoise…slow and steady wins the race”.

Cheers to us. To a lifetime of us. Always and forever❤

Spirited Mama

x

P.S. The resident alien arrived on 24 January 2017. So in celebrating our 10 years of marriage, we also celebrate the resident alien being 10 days old today.

 

Currently in the Spirited household…

By

On January 20, 2017

In Currently, Pregnancy

Here’s an update of life in Spiritville currently:

  • I am currently #37weekspregnant and awaiting the arrival of our resident alien. I saw my doctor on Wednesday and it seems things are starting to happen, I.e. My cervix is softened and I am 1-2cm dilated…eek this boy might be here by the weekend.
  • Having healthy breakfasts, as seen in the picture above, muesli and fresh pressed beetroot, carrot, Apple and ginger juice. Dude loves making fresh juices for us. He randomly decided that he needs to boost my immunity. Love this man!
  • Dudie has settled in so well in Grade 2. He seems to be liking his new teacher very much.
  • We haven’t quite gotten to scheduling all Dudie’s activities as things have changed, new schedules and time slots etc. We will be reloading his schedule…
  • Dudie is swimming in the school gala next week. My kid! At 7years old!
  • I am on sick leave until my maternity leave kicks in now…so technically I will only go back to work in the second half of the year.
  • I am registering for my final year of my studies. So excited!
  • The wait for the resident alien is killing Dude and Dudie. Seems I’m the only patient one at this stage.
  • I’m finally catching up on series and pvr’d programmes.

Happy Friday folks!

Spirited Mama

x

7 Tips to make your hospital stay more comfortable and enjoyable

By

On January 11, 2017

In choices, Hospitals

When you are admitted to hospital for an extended stay, like I currently am – I am on Day 6 now, #36weekspregnant and all is good with my and baby’s health- you may want to make your stay as comfortable and enjoyable as possible. Well, otherwise you may very well stand with your face pressed against your glass door, albeit in your private room, with a deep longing to run outside and be free.

These are my 7 tips for making your hospital stay more comfortable and enjoyable:

1. Try to stick to your normal routine as if you were at home, e.g. My beauty routine – not that you can even call it that but let’s go with it for now. I packed my beloved Garnier Micellar cleansing water as well as my Garnier Hydramatch moisturiser. Yes, I use my moisturiser as a night cream too, well when I remember to use it at night.  My skin always feels dehydrated in hospital so luckily I still had some Vitamen E body butter from the Bodyshop(by far one of my favourites to use for the whole family). My labello is a life saver. Dudie also uses it daily as he swims 5 times a week and his lips take a beating with the harsh chemicals in the swimming pool.

2. Take a roll or two of BabySoft toilet paper from home. The last thing you want is to be wiping daily with that awful hard Kimberley Clark dispensing toilet paper. Your ass will thank you…

3. Bring your own pillow, if you must. I use a special memory pillow and I know as soon as I use a different pillow my spine/neck or is always fucked. I really don’t need further treatment for things that can be avoided in hospital.

4. Bring loads of books to read. I love reading and can practically read anything. I am currently on some sort of Vampire book, which has been lying at home forever. Just figured now would be a great time to read it.

5. Catch up on personal admin. I have loads of things that I’m busy doing in my head but you know sometimes life get so busy that we never get around to it. I am taking it easy but also setting out some time each day to catch up on my admin.

6. Work and rework your budget. New Year = New Commitments.   For me January is the start of my financial year, why the fuck SARS starts in March and Government in July is beyond me. Along with the new year comes a crap load of things that need to be bought/paid etc. For starters, we settle Dudie’s annual tuition in January. Fuck its like buying a small car every year but at least then we know we never see an invoice about tuition again. Don’t get me wrong, we get numerous invoices throughout the year. Why? Because he is at an independent/private school and YOU as  the parents have to PAY for everything. So just pat yourself on the back for settling the tuition fees in January, grow some balls and pay whatever invoices comes your way. We also have all the extra mural activities, golf, cricket, violin and private swimming lessons. Let’s not even go into our general monthly household running expenses. Ooh, did I mention we are paying the unborn baby’s school fees into a savings account already? Well, cos we are proactive like that you know.

7. Discuss your food/dietary requirements with the hospital staff. I have been here before. I know the menu, it hasn’t changed since November when I was here. I have selected various options from all the different menu types available. Albeit the food is really good, I have designed my own menu. I eat the normal food, vegetatian food, the gluten and wheat free food, banting options and even some stuff from the gastro menu😂 I am currently eating from the long stay menu, who even knew that such a menu existed, but man I’ve have crumbed pork chops, schnitzels and schwarmas….I am not a big red meat fan so most of the vegetarian options have worked out fantastic. No I’m not vegetarian although Dudie and I prefer seafood than red meat.

Only you can make your stay as enjoyable as you want, given you have the right attitude and mindset. There is no point in fighting  the situation, if this is where you need to be. So my advice to you….Take care of YOU and YOUR needs.

Some other observations from my hospital bed:

  • Some people just shouldn’t be nurses. I mean if they don’t have a passion for nursing rather find another career please. Some people are born with the innate passion of caring for others. I am very lucky that I have an excellent day and night team at my hospital taking care of me and my unborn baby right now.
  • Get as much R&R as possible. I know its easier said than done, and I’m the last person to be lying in a bed but it is necessary.
  • If reading is not your thing then bring an Ipad or Notebook and catch up on some series.
  • Bring snacks…I nibble throughout the day so I packed On the go snack packs, Pringles, chocolate and some energade.
  • I got Dude to bring my hairdryer and GHD and voila I did my hair in hospital. I look better and feel better.
  • I made peace with my situation and only now starting to sleep, albeit interuppted stints,at least I’m getting some sleep.
  • I’m using this time to research some investment opportunites…

Ciao for now.

Spirited Mama

x

Starting 2017 from my hospital bed

By

On January 9, 2017

In Hospitals, Pregnancy

Starting 2017

I’m amazed at how calm and accepting I am of my current situation, being hospitalised at #35weekspregnant. My doctor has been monitoring me closely, as I’ve had traces of protein in my urine since 29weeks of my pregnancy. I’ve had more than average swelling but my blood pressure has been stable. Just last week, on 1 January 2017 to be exact at 3am Dude and I were discussing the possibility of taking a drive to Durban just because… well We went to bed just after 4am and I woke up with a very strong conviction that I should stay close to my doctor as well as my hospital of choice. It was something that couldn’t be explained but I knew that I had to believe in my sixth sense.

Dude: Why you worried about who catches the baby, if he decides to come? There should be good doctors and hospitals in Durban. 

Me: Not wanting to sound rude but the next time you carry the baby/are pregnant we can take that drive. All I can think about is that horrid episode on Carte Blanche about the lack of service delivery in the hospitals on the N3….

We chilled at home, and I burnt myself to a crisp in the swimming pool. No amount of sunscreen of playing in the shade helped. I am still peeling, face, arms, shoulders, back etc….but it was sooo worth it. I don’t think I have swam this much when I was pregnant with Dudie, 7 years ago. And it helped that Dudie loved being in the pool with me.

The 2nd of January, I decided that we needed to get out of the house. I rallied the troops, even though I had no idea what we would do for the day. I eventually got them all out the house at 1pm. We headed out to Hartebeespoort dam for an ice-cream, cos man alive I was wishing for that bubblegum ice-cream at the Chameleon village. It was so worth the drive.

I ended up buying some lovely trinkets and just stuff because I was in the mood. We ended the afternoon with the most deliciously early supper at Woody’s family grill. Omg, my burger was to die for.img_0629

Back to hospital, not a fun way to start 2017

I went back to work on 4 January as I wanted to sort out the last couple of things in my office before I go on maternity leave. That first day was soooo incredibly hard. I managed to get through the 4 days. On route home on Friday, my doctor calls with some test results which we did the day before, and says “You need to be admitted ASAP”. Me, ok….I am on my way home now so let me get my bags and stuff and I will be at the hospital later.

Well thank goodness i had packed our hospital bags 2days prior, albeit not entirely complete but at least it was packed. I informed my family and we had a late lunch/very early supper at home one last time as a family of 3 + my Great Aunt. (thankfully she is still visiting and can assist Dude and Dudie with keeping our home fires burning).

I was admitted on Friday, 6 January. Diagnosis is Pre-eclampsia. This is all new to me, never had this before. But I’m taking it in my stride and doing what I need to do for this littlest member of of family to have a better chance at a quality life. My doctor has informed me that I will remain in hospital until the baby is born, as she is just not willing to take any chances. I am constantly bring monitored. I love the fact that we are on the same page, and in no way do I feel pressurised, as we want to wait as long as possible so that this boy can stay in utero a bit longer. For now our aim is to get to 37 weeks perhaps even 38, but thats more me than the dr….I guess that technically I am on leave now until Winter 2017 😁

I am sad that I will be missing Dudie’s first day of Gr.2 this week but Dude will be making his day special for him. Just the thought of being away from one another, we are a close Spirited family, rocked our boat a bit. 2-3weeks in hospital, them visiting everyday -thankfully the hospital allows a spouse and own kids to visit any time of the day. I can see my Dude and Dudie is tkaing strain but doing the best they can. They are very independent but I think its just knowing that we are not together at home which is taking its toll on them.

How my hospital stays are affecting my older child

Last night Dude and I discussed how this situation is affecting Dudie. Even though he knows it is necessary for my and his brother’s health and well-being to be in hospital, we can see that it has affected his stability, his environment, his life. He even said that his brother shouldn’t come looking for attention, he should just sort himself out😂. Smart kid this one, baby listen to your brother…

I am on day 4 of my extended hospital stay. I won’t lie-it’s not easy just lying in this bed. But I’m being forced to take it easy and just rest for my and my baby’s well-being. From my previous post, Goodbye 2016, I decided that I was going to live my best life. Well if this is how I have to start off to get to my best life, so be it. I am ready and willing and able to bring my part.

Cheers for now from my hospital bed. Here’s to #roomservice

How’s your Monday?

Spirited Mama

P.S. I made Dude bring my hairdryer and GHD as I can at least look presentable whilst lying here 😂 Just need to get him to buy me some more pjamas as I really think I need some more right now. What would we do without modern technology. He video calls from home/shop so that I can decide what I need. Love this Dude.

 

Goodbye 2016

By

On December 31, 2016

In Goals, New Years Eve

image

Goodbye 2016

I loved you and hated you simultaneously. You pushed me to do things I wasn’t sure that I was capable of. BUT I did it. And I came out stronger, more centered, focused. And somewhat wiser.

2017 will see me taking some people with a pinch of salt, in small doses and limited quantities. I refuse to let others’ negativity consume me. I WILL be living MY life’s. Possibly my best life. Time to live intentionally but for ME. Cheers to 2016 but here is to welcoming 2017 with open arms.

2017

I will be completing my studies. God knows how fearful I was when I started as a fresh first year student in 2015.
Dudie will be starting Grade 2. This kid amazes us everyday. He is intelligent beyond his years, resilient and tougher than I give him credit for.

Dude wants to start studying again. We may even start brewing some life changing plans for our little family.

We will be welcoming our resident alien to our Spirited family. Less than 6 weeks to go now. #34weekspregnant

So cheers for now. Be safe wherever you may find yourselves tonight as we welcome 2017. We will be welcoming 2017 from the comfort of our home.

Enjoy the last day of 2016. Here’s to HEALTH, SUCCESS & HOPE! 

See you in 2017.

Spirited Mama

P.S. I don’t do New Years Resolutions as I think people are too pressured into making resolutions that may quite possibly not even be their own goals. I never conformed to the norms….so I like to do my own thing.

What to expect during a “Brain EEG”

By

On December 9, 2016

In medical procedures, Pregnancy

12-20_brainwaves

Have you ever had a brain EEG?

No, not a brain egg…but a brain EEG.

An electroencephalogram (EEG) is a test used to detect abnormalities related to electrical activity of the brain. This procedure tracks and records brain wave patterns. Small metal discs with thin wires (electrodes) are placed on the scalp, and then send signals to a computer to record the results. Normal electrical activity in the brain makes a recognizable pattern. Through an EEG, doctors can look for abnormal patterns that indicate seizures and other problems. http://kidshealth.org/en/parents/eeg.html

A few weeks ago I had one. I had the weirdest symptoms, we put it down to being pregnancy related, and my doctor decided to schedule an EEG. This was my first time and I had absolutely no idea what to expect, I didn’t have time to google prior to having the EEG. (I know that I shouldn’t google medical procedures BUT I just can’t help myself. I like to be prepared…Someday I will tell you about other medical procedures I had done – thankfully I only googled it AFTER the surgery otherwise they would have had to put me in a straight jacket to perform that surgery)

Do you remember that scene from the movie Hannibal – where the guy eats his own brain?

Well, that was the only thought I had whilst this EEG was performed. I wondered if the doctor could detect what I was thinking or feeling. Perhaps he did cos he just kept looking at me strangely. I felt as if the doctor was about to serve me a slice of my brain on a side plate. But alas, it is a painless exercise. All I felt was the cold gel in my hair and on my scalp and having dozens of electrodes stuck to my head everywhere.

It is quite fascinating and scary at the same time. What if they detect abnormalities? What if they find that I have lost some of my marbles? BUT I am happy to report that all is well and normal with my brain function. Albeit that it might not always seem that way, I can assure you my brain is functioning normally. Medical technology is so advanced, thankfully. So many conditions can be treated way before they become too serious.

Have you ever had a Brain EEG? What was the weirdest medical procedure you have ever had? If they could detect your thoughts – what would they find?

It’s Friday! Let’s take a moment to breathe and go bonkers ‘cos it’s the WEEKEND BABY!!!! Being 31 weeks pregnant just the thought of sleeping late, or rather lying in bed without getting up for work gets me excited.

Spirited Mama

Empowering women? Are we really ready?

By

On November 14, 2016

In Struggles, Women

img_0616

This was a random picture my Dude sent to me. Roughly translated “Once upon a time there was a woman that wasn’t full of shit. But that was a very long time ago… and it was only that one day“. Unfortunately, he caught me on a day where I felt I needed to reinforce my independence and I then replied with this

img_0617

Roughly translated “Once upon a time, men used to hunt and make fires and didn’t get involved/butt in“.

Are we really empowering women?

So the phrase “empowering women” has been on my mind for a long time. Are we, as a society, really ready to empower women? Are we giving it our best shot? Or are we doing it half heartedly because someone said we must?

More and more women are doing what was once considered “the man’s job” in previous times. Does it look like more and more men are OK with women moving into “their” domain? I am all for being a liberal independent woman. My Dude sometimes gets upset because he wants to do something for me but I am not helpless. I can do some things for myself, thank you very much. It doesn’t make me any less of a woman and it surely doesn’t make him any less of a man, well that is my opinion.

I am me. I am strong. And I am strong willed, sometimes just stubborn. I will do what I need to do for myself. Because I can. And because I like my independence.

Do women deserve to be empowered?

Some women actually do a much better job, in different domains, than a man would do. Yet somehow women are still not seen as equals to their male counterparts. Has society indoctrinated us so badly that we only see women as being barefeet, pregnant and standing behind a stove? From personal experience, it was typical of some of my working environments, the males felt threatened by women in top positions. Are men really still intimidated by their woman’s paycheck? Is it really SO bad if she brings home the bacon?

Why do people frown upon a SAHM, stay at home mom? If you can afford it, why not? If that is what you want to do. No one will raise your kid(s) the way YOU want to. What about stay at home Dads? Has society accepted it? These dads are so few and far in between. Why is it that men are some of the biggest critics of stay at home dads? Does it really take away your manliness? Balancing family and a career is tough. In my opinion, something has got to give. Whether it is time spent with family or chasing that dream JOB. The aim is finding YOUR balance, your ZEN. What works for you and your family might not be ideal for mine.

Whatever happened to having an equal partnership with your spouse? Co-existing in unison, peace and harmony. And hopefully surrounded by love… Spirited Mama

Spirited Mama

P.S. I suspect that the USA wasn’t quite ready for such a liberal move as having a female president. Were they scared? Who knows why America got TRUMPED.

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