Spirited Mama

Living a SPIRITED life filled with wanderlust, emotions and everything in between

Tag: matters of the heart Page 3 of 7

2016 the year that has been…

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On December 19, 2016

In About me, emotions, Reflections

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(image sourced from google)

As I picked up my proverbial pen to start blogging again, I had a renewed sense of “me”. It was my calm. It was and is my outlet. It is my CANVAS.

This year has at times been trying. It’s been rough. It’s been busy. It’s been great too.

We have lost loved ones…and in turn gained new family members too. It is also the year that we found out that the Spirited family is growing.

As we prepare to create memories of the festivities for 2016, we also prepare for the imminent arrival of a New Year. A new CANVAS. A new baby. A renewed sense of “us”. 2016 is the last year that we are a family of three. We said goodbye to a stalwart in my family “MAMMA”. We have had way too many CANCER diagnoses amongst family and friends. I have gone back to working my half day JOB and frankly I think if I didn’t may have lost my sanity…

Slowly but surely I am accepting “me” for me. I am enough for me. I can only do so much. I too am only human. I found that I have sort of strayed away from God, not intentionally, but I just don’t think I purposely made a great effort to affirm my faith. I am working on restoring my faith. I am taking stock of life and counting my blessings, as we have been abundantly blessed. We have helped some family through trying times but I also think that it’s time to cut myself some slack and let it go. God will take care of it now as I cannot make them do what they need to do.

We had some great holidays and even managed a trip to Hong Kong this year. We are super proud of Dudie for completing Grade 1 this year. For all his achievements in academia and sports – this kid really did work hard.

So cheers to 2016 – the year that has been. You are etched in my soul. Looking forward to 2017! To less worrying and more time for making and creating memories…

Spirited Mama

This Christmas…

By

On December 14, 2016

In Christmas, Family

 

It’s starting to look like Christmas

It’s starting to look alot like CHRISTMAS in the Spirited Household. Albeit, we were 12 days late with putting up our tree…I am just happy that it is finally up. We are counting down the days to Christmas, only 11 more sleeps…For the past 7 years we have been home for Christmas. It all started when Dudie was baptised on Christmas Eve during the midnight mass, 24 December 2009. Granted he was too young to remember any of it but from that Christmas eve we have been attending midnight mass every year since. It is our very own tradition. And this year will be no different. Every alternate year we have family with us and this year was supposed to be “the family” Christmas.

This Christmas

Well, things changed during 2016 and even though we will share Christmas with two family members, it just won’t be the same because Mamma won’t be at our table… Mamma loved McDonalds and upon returning home from midnight mass Dude always used to buy McDonalds meals for everyone. We would open our gifts and eat McDonalds until 2am sometimes 3am. Even Dudie would be wide awake by the time we get home from mass.

We were toying with the idea of just dining out this year BUT for us Christmas is about the joy, the laughter, the togethernesss, all of us cramming into our little kitchen to cook amazing dishes to be served on Christmas day. We will spend ALL day cooking on the 24th of December, only to take an afternoon siesta so that we can be fresh and bright eyed for midnight mass. We generally only wake when the sun is high up in the sky and the room gets too hot to sleep in. We always skip out on breakfast as we just had McDonalds at 2am. Normally, we are ready to eat our festive feast by lunch time, which could range anywhere from 12pm onwards. Even our dogs sleep late on Christmas morning.

This Christmas will be different. But this Christmas we will remember the good times and encourage new traditions and memories and remember those whom once shared that table with us.

What are your Christmas traditions?

Spirited Mama

x

Here’s to the Dads!!!

By

On December 12, 2016

In Male vs Female, Parenting

 

If you’re a Dad, congratulations

Kudos to YOU if you are a “hands-on or involved” Dad. It’s quite amazing to see that there are still guys out there who think their role is to implant you with their seed and VOILA they are ‘Father of the year’ because their job as “Dad” is done.

We really don’t show enough gratitude to the dads who really get involved and dirty their hands when it comes to raising their offspring. As a society, we are hell bent on naming and shaming dead beat dads BUT what about dead beat moms? Why is it shoved under a carpet or no one ever speaks about when the mom is a bad parent? There are so many bad/absent/uninvolved/negligent parents out there.

What Dads should know

Please don’t think that my life as a mom is all roses and moonshine BUT I really cannot imagine my life without my kids(yes I am already speaking of the resident alien as if he is here). Parenting is NOT easy. There is NO handbook. We parent by trial and error. What is good for one family might not necessarily be good for another. Everyone is different. Everyone has different parenting styles. BUT they day that we, Dude & I, became parents we made a commitment to Dudie – to always try our level best and to always be there for him! It’s taken 7 years to have another child. I do NOT take this commitment lightly.

For me being a parent is a LIFELONG commitment! You cannot unparent yourself. There is no return to sender, or 7 day exchange period. Please ensure that YOU are sure that YOU want to be a parent – for your child’s sake as well as yours… Spirited Mama

I am 31 weeks pregnant and counting. Dude is doing most of our housework and taking care of us, all whilst holding down his paying JOB too. Granted he is exhausted by 8pm every night BUT hey he is doing it without any complaints…perhaps silently or in his head but he is sure not complaining to us about it.

So today DUDE we SALUTE you for being an AWESOME husband and Dad. Thank You for taking care of us! We love you LOTS!

Spirited Mama

x

P.S. Anyone MAN can father a child but it takes a FATHER to raise his child!

Competition between siblings

By

On December 8, 2016

In Kids, Parenting

Siblings

I can’t believe how competitive Dudie is with the resident alien, who is still in utero. He is literally competing with his brother even though his brother is still very comfortable and snug in my ever growing belly. Last week I was spoilt with a surprise baby shower for the resident alien. A lovely gesture from some of my colleagues. and some even took the initiative to get Dudie a gift or two.

Do you have a baby shower for your second or third child?

When I fetched Dudie from school , I had the leftover cake in the car. By the time we got home Dudie had eaten the “Baby Noah” off of the cake, dug little holes into the cake and was ready to eat the pretty blue booties. I was slightly annoyed as it just felt as if he was jealous and acting out. (How pretty is this cake and it was SO delicious!)

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When he saw all the gifts the baby received his immediate response was “he is so lucky to get all these gifts”. He was fine when he realised he also got some gifts though.

Competition between siblings is real

What gets to me is that it seems that he expects to get something if the baby gets something. How can I change that mentality? How do I make him realise that if one gets the other doesn’t necessarily HAVE to get as well. (I actually know of people who buy birthday gifts for all their kids, even if it is just the one kid’s birthday.) I’m sorry that shit just won’t fly with me. Perhaps I need to give it some time. Consistency is key here. We have had numerous conversations about it and will continue with these conversations because frankly there is no need to be competitive. We love our children and strive to treat them both equally and fairly.

I get that Dudie is only 7 years old and suddenly he needs to share his whole world with someone else, his brother. This brother that he has been yearning for… It’s a HUGE adjustment for all of us as we will now be a family of four.

How do you deal with competition among siblings? How do you handle it? Any advice?

Spirited Mama

x

 

 

Memories

By

On November 28, 2016

In About me, memories

 

Memories need to be savoured

Some days I find myself sitting quietly and reflecting and savouring my happy childhood memories. It wasn’t all moonshine and roses but I chose to remember the good old days…

I remember that fresh baked bread smell and warm biscuits smell coming from Mamma’s kitchen. Stealing half the cookie dough that was left to “rest” when Mamma wasn’t looking.

Some of my best memories were created during school holidays when we went to visit Ma, Mamma’s mom, on the farm in the Cederberg. There is nothing quite like running out in the wild, diving into God made rock pools and picking your fruit straight from the tree and collecting your veg from the garden. There is also that other side, the one that freaks me out a little, about having to slaughter your own meat. I never ate freshly slaughtered meat. Just couldn’t stomach that meat. Don’t get me started on seeing a headless chicken running around the tree – it’s great fun at the time but then they expect you to eat it. No can do.  Up until today I still don’t like freshly slaughtered meat, fresh milk and fresh eggs – it is just too rich. Nothing quite like picking those cherries from the tree – I love cherries – and I used to eat it to my heart’s content. These days they just don’t taste the same…Picking Almonds from the tree. My pockets were always filled with cherries and almonds and you would generally find me sitting on a big rock watching the pigs paly in the mud. We used to love feeding the lambs and billy goats their milk bottles.

Reflecting on the memories

I remember Ma making me rooibos tea, not a teabag from the shop. This was pure rooibos from the tea field complete in her home made little bag and all. And of course those “harde koekies” she used to bake. It wasn’t ginger but I’m also not entirely sure what they were.  I distinctly remember her last batch she made for me, she was in her 80’s and it was just before I moved to Gauteng. She came to visit Mamma and as we stood in the kitchen waiting for her to unpack her basket she said to me “ooh jchent “meaning kind or child” maak tog vir jou moer koffie want daai koekies is so hard en moet gedoop word. And believe me it was moer hard. I ate them with the same conviction as what I always ate those cookies. I didn’t want her to be disappointed…but fuck knows why that batch was SO hard.

Ma also had a puffadder, yes a real live snake, living in the big tree in front of the house. like right by the gate -you need to pass the tree to get to the front door. She called him Oupa. He used to slither on the stoep to wherever he went during the day and come back at night. And this was whilst Ma and the dog would sit on the stoep. They never bothered each other. They had a mutual living arrangement. I shat myself thinking we used to sleep on that stoep, in summer under the beautiful starry skies. Where was Oupa all that time… Probably sleeping on the bed next to us…

Creating new memories

After I moved to Gauteng I used to have weekly Sunday afternoon calls with Ma. I just wanted to check in on her so to say as she lived by herself. I could hear the excitement in her voice every single time as this was as important for her as it was for me. She always said that I must come visit her cos she will NEVER get into an airplane. And she never did. If there was a storm MA would end our conversation so quickly because we cannot possibly use the phone during a storm. She would close all the mirrors and the tv with a blanket because of the lightning. Before they got “Telkom lines” they had an operator system. How each resident knew whose call it was, was beyond me but apparently everyone had a different ring tone/number of rings. But let me tell you those old people were naughty – they used to listen in on each other’s conversations all the time. Sometimes we had a few calls during the week too.

Ma passed away in 2010, just before her 94th birthday. Someday we will take him back to the Cedarberg again, as he was only 5 months old when we went to the funeral. I miss those good old days. I miss her cookies and I miss her rooibos tea. I miss her cuckoo clock – this thing was the most fascinating clock ever. I even miss those rogue geese and ram that used to chase us ALL the time.

I miss Ma.

Spirited Mama

 

Empowering women? Are we really ready?

By

On November 14, 2016

In Struggles, Women

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This was a random picture my Dude sent to me. Roughly translated “Once upon a time there was a woman that wasn’t full of shit. But that was a very long time ago… and it was only that one day“. Unfortunately, he caught me on a day where I felt I needed to reinforce my independence and I then replied with this

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Roughly translated “Once upon a time, men used to hunt and make fires and didn’t get involved/butt in“.

Are we really empowering women?

So the phrase “empowering women” has been on my mind for a long time. Are we, as a society, really ready to empower women? Are we giving it our best shot? Or are we doing it half heartedly because someone said we must?

More and more women are doing what was once considered “the man’s job” in previous times. Does it look like more and more men are OK with women moving into “their” domain? I am all for being a liberal independent woman. My Dude sometimes gets upset because he wants to do something for me but I am not helpless. I can do some things for myself, thank you very much. It doesn’t make me any less of a woman and it surely doesn’t make him any less of a man, well that is my opinion.

I am me. I am strong. And I am strong willed, sometimes just stubborn. I will do what I need to do for myself. Because I can. And because I like my independence.

Do women deserve to be empowered?

Some women actually do a much better job, in different domains, than a man would do. Yet somehow women are still not seen as equals to their male counterparts. Has society indoctrinated us so badly that we only see women as being barefeet, pregnant and standing behind a stove? From personal experience, it was typical of some of my working environments, the males felt threatened by women in top positions. Are men really still intimidated by their woman’s paycheck? Is it really SO bad if she brings home the bacon?

Why do people frown upon a SAHM, stay at home mom? If you can afford it, why not? If that is what you want to do. No one will raise your kid(s) the way YOU want to. What about stay at home Dads? Has society accepted it? These dads are so few and far in between. Why is it that men are some of the biggest critics of stay at home dads? Does it really take away your manliness? Balancing family and a career is tough. In my opinion, something has got to give. Whether it is time spent with family or chasing that dream JOB. The aim is finding YOUR balance, your ZEN. What works for you and your family might not be ideal for mine.

Whatever happened to having an equal partnership with your spouse? Co-existing in unison, peace and harmony. And hopefully surrounded by love… Spirited Mama

Spirited Mama

P.S. I suspect that the USA wasn’t quite ready for such a liberal move as having a female president. Were they scared? Who knows why America got TRUMPED.

Recharge….

By

On November 7, 2016

In About me, emotions, GOD, Holidays, Time out

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I am writing this post whilst sitting on a blue bench at Uvongo Beach. It is a sunny but overcast breezy day at the ocean. The breeze is exactly what I need as I feel like I suddenly have hot flushes. The ocean spray feels soft and cooling on my sunkissed face.

It is magnificent. It is breath taking. It is GOD’s creation. And I am basking in its glow. I am humbled and grateful for a weekend of connecting with myself, Dude, Dudie and God. Somehow, spiritually I am at peace. I woke up everyday feeling extremely grateful for a new day, for our blessings but also just for another beautiful day.

Our car is packed to make our way back to Gauteng but we are not done with Kwazulu Natal just yet. As I write this post Dude and Dudie are fiahing from the pier. We are still on our way to Durban itself, for a stopover at UShaka. We can never be this close and NOT stop at Gorimas at UShaka. They have the yummiest butter biscuits as well as spices.

For now I am signing off to enjoy every bit of This magnificent view. To soak up the sun and to wet my feet in this warm ocean current. What a way to start a MONDAY. I feel alive.

Spirited Mama

P.S. Dude and I were having the discussion at the fireside lat night about how recharged we feel. He feels like he has been on holiday for six months.

This is how we roll. We take frequent breaks. Because we know how draining life can be. We often need a recharge. Sometimes we just need to be reminded of God’s grace.

Mamma….you know I love you

By

On October 25, 2016

In About me, emotions, LOVE, Mamma, Struggles

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Image found at www.w-dog.net/wallpaper

Mamma, YOU abandoned our ship. (in case you missed it CANCER WON Mamma lost)

Mamma

Remember how excited you were to plan our September holiday? Remember how excited you were when I called with the news about the resident alien? Remember how excited you were when you decided we should go on a boat cruise to Namibia? And we were planning for 2017 because we had to wait for the resident alien to arrive? I remember the very first time we drove, me being the driver, on the N1 highway in Cape Town. I was the learner driver, you were the licensed driver – although you never drove. That was just the start of our many drives and adventures. Just the two of us. I miss those drives – which never really had a particular destination.

Then I moved to Pretoria. And we stayed in touch via the phone. Since 2015 you even started using whatsapp – I was so proud of you – keeping in touch with me and technology. You visited and often stayed for 3 months at a time. It wasn’t perfect but we loved you nonetheless. We argued/disagreed/fought but still remained true and loyal to one another. Nothing and no one could break our bond. Our droves continued in Pretoria.

Then started my morning peak hour drive conversations with you. Almost daily we spent an hour talking whilst I was in transit – don’t worry you were on “speaker phone”. When I changed my job to work 7kms from home that hour long conversation was still an hour –  only difference is I used to sit in the parking lot finishing my conversation with you. So many times I was late for work – not because of traffic but because I had to finish my conversation with you. And it was SO worth it. Our random ramblings, some things trivial and some so important and meaningful to us.

Our lives changed

Well things have changed. “Life happens when you are making other plans… John Lennon” My LIFE has changed. YOU are no longer here to physically share it with me or my family. We miss. I MISS you. Always! They say that grief gets better with time. I say it doesn’t. We just find ways to live and/or cope with the grief.

Who knew that our holiday in April 2016 would have been our last one together. That this was one of our last breakfasts together.breakfast

That week was so special. One week of just the two of us alone at night, once more sharing a bed. Much like the last week before you became an angel. Just the two of us. A game of Checkers we played – And YOU won. A game of Putt Putt we played in the afternoon rain. And then you chickened out of our night swim that you requested. Was it because you were scared I would see your lump?  Our last supper – your infamous roosterkoekdinner

We talked and laughed so much that night that we hardly slept. The boys came knocking on our door to wake us for breakfast the next day. Those memories are forever in my heart and soul.

The hardest thing in my life

Losing you was one of the hardest things that I have to deal with. You are forever etched in my heart, mind and soul. I am a part of you as much as you are a part of me. Your last message to me was cryptic. I still don’t understand but perhaps with time all will be revealed.

Thank you for what you have done for me. But also for what you have taught me. I will do that Namibian boat cruise for you. For us. 

Love and miss you ALWAYS!

L

Spirited Mama

P.S. I sometimes wonder now that you are an angel are you spending time with my resident alien?

 

Today is rough

By

On October 20, 2016

In About me, emotions

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(Really can’t remember where I got this quote from but I’m sure you will find it on Google)

Today is rough. I am still raw with emotion but getting better. I actually didn’t realise how raw my emotional hurt for Mamma still was…. The hurt, the pain, the longing for Mamma is as fierce as my LOVE for Mamma. It’s only been 52 days since CANCER WON.

Yesterday was my birthday. It started as a great day and ended as a great day. In between is where I buckled…

We went out to dinner to our favourite Mimmos, funny how we have shared that place with Mamma too before. As we walked in there was an older lady with short grey hair wearing the exact same blue top that was indeed one of Mamma’s favourites. Well I cried for more than half the dinner. I even cried after she had left. I cried when I got home and I cried some more when I went to bed. Dude feels it was a sign that Mamma was there celebrating with us.

The hurt doesn’t get better with time. We only find ways to live and cope with it!

Spirited Mama

Miss you always Mamma!

Happiness vs my full time salary…

By

On October 12, 2016

In Expos, JOBS, Parenting, Women

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Money is not everything BUT it sure does make everything a bit easier!

I am battling with a huge decision to go back to working half day. Working half day = half the salary

Now, this is not a new venture as I had this same debacle when I changed jobs in 2013… It was very beneficial to my family as Dudie got the best of his mom. Now here I sit at the crossroads again

The resident alien is due in February 2017. Of course I can justify taking the half day job to give the resident alien the best of me too. I am just scared shitless as I would again take half a salary. Only difference this time – I have another person to take care of. Yes my Dude is AMAZING. And happily supports our family but I have this huge chip on my shoulder called “Independence”!

In January this year, I started working full time again and boy oh boy did my extra salary come in handy…SHit we even acquired another property…

What kills me is that for me my family comes first. I have a flexible work environment but I do feel that I am doing the resident alien an injustice by working full time. In more ways than one, I have technically made my decision already but I just can’t help but worry about balance sheets and bank statements.

This morning I came across this post, Being a stay at home parent is a luxury, on Harassed Mom’s facebook page and people the lights went on! This describes how I have been feeling. How I am currently feeling. Why do I need to prove anything to anyone? I had my cushy fancy job at Wits Univeristy and I traded it for a half day job. I must admit I felt worthless. Some days I still feel as if I am wasting my talents in this job BUT if I look at what it means for my family the benefits outweigh the title

Why do I need to prove anything to anyone? I had my cushy fancy job at Wits Univeristy and I traded it for a half day job. I must admit I felt worthless. Some days I still feel as if I am wasting my talents in this job BUT if I look at what it means for my family the benefits outweigh the title any day!  I am there for every match, practise, knee scrape and concert! Dudie is sooo flabbergasted if I say I  won’t be able to come watch something that fo him it is incomprehensible…how can Mom NOT be there? I just can’t imagine having the crazy full-time job and 2 kids at home, homework, supper, bath time and hope and pray that the husband and I can squeeze in some “us” time too.

The resident alien is coming. I think I need to give him the best of me too. Who knows perhaps I can find alternative income sources soon. At this point, my brain is fried but I need to take stock and perhaps sit in a quiet spot somewhere and figure out what is out there/ what I can bring to the “proverbial” table in the world.

I have been doing some research and perhaps I am looking in all the wrong places. I found the workingmothersexpo. Think I need to get myself there to find some inspiration!

Why is it so hard to be a working mom???? Change is inevitable. CHANGE is coming! I am scared BUT I am excited!

Spirited Mama

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