Life lately

Ok, maybe you’ve noticed that I’m in a bit of a “challenging space” in my head, it seems. And maybe you haven’t. That too is ok. We’re all human and like John Lennon said “life is what happens when you’re making other plans” or something to that effect. I’ve been pinning things/emotions/ideas/solutions/problems/etc in my head. I’m not kidding, my head is buzzing. Non Stop. I literally wake during the night processing my thoughts…. WTF!

I’ve realised that I’m delusional. I set an alarm to wake 45 mins earlier so as to squeeze in a 30min exercise session. At home. I am not a gym person, so we’ve semi converted my Dude’s lapa into our mini workout area. Trick is that no one has really actively used the workout area since… I can’t even remember when. My Dude has decided that maybe we convert our spare bedroom into our “new” workout area… Great plan! I have all these ideas about making it all funky and stuff. But will we use it? I don’t know… He probably will, I on the other hand will have a million excuses not to 🙂

Life happens

On that note, I need/want to get into shape. And I’ve decided that Winter 2012 is when I’ll pull myself towards myself and just DO IT! Well, The alarm was set on Sunday evening. Morning morning I snoozed until past the time I needed to get ready for work. Tuesday, same shit different day. Wednesday, well I attempted to lift my lovely Feather Down Duvet off me and quickly decided that tomorrow is another day. Who said you need to start a fitness programme on a Monday? Why can’t it start Thursday….

I still hear voices

On the thoughts in my head, I’m getting there. I’m battling with myself and it seems I’m losing the fight. I’ve realised that after a lengthy discussion with a relative, I’ve opened up some wounds. In me. I’m raw. And I’m trying to cover it up. It creeps through. I’m not sure how to deal with it. I’ve been picking up my pieces as I go along my day/days. I’m emotionally tired/ Spiritually drained. Physically, I’m exhausted.  But I kick my self under the butt each morning to get going.

I see the change in my behaviour, and I don’t like it. I’m less patient. Less tolerant. Abrupt. Sarcastic. I’m trying to change it. But I don’t handle change well. Why I don’t know. I just don’t.

As if I don’t have enough to deal with, I/we are also looking for a new school for Dudie. He has outgrown his current school. I/we can see that he needs more….

Spirited Mama