Spirited Mama

Living a SPIRITED life filled with wanderlust, emotions and everything in between

Category: choices

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(RE)Connecting with my kids

By

On August 31, 2022

In choices, Family, Parenting

(RE)Connecting with my kids

It hit me like a ton of bricks that my tantrum throwing 5 year old and suddenly “unwell” 12 year old are wanting to CONNECT with me! They’re acting out because I AM NOT PRESENT!!! Yes, I am physically around but I am not PRESENT!

Now I have many many reasons or rather excuses for not being present but in the end it all comes down to having a remedy to this situation and RECONNECT with my kids. Even though my kids are born almost 8 years apart – they have the same basic needs they need from Mama.

After being home for two years, thanks to the COVID-19 pandemic, we are back in the busyness of routines. There are days where I feel we, as a family, need a self-imposed lockdown 🙂

Starting with the basics of reconnecting and the little things that matter the most:

It’s time for MORE Cuddles, hugs and kisses

Mama needs to LISTEN to their needs

Mama needs to PLAY on their level

Mama needs to give her UNDIVIDED ATTENTION 

Mama needs to schedule ONE-on-ONE TIME with each child

 

This time round at least I don’t feel like I’m burning myself out! (Yay for small wins) Always SO much to do but so little time to do it. And never-ending LAUNDRY!

(RE)CONNECT because there is NO work life balance

I promise you that if you have that elusive work life balance, you will be a millionaire overnight. Do I believe that work life balance exists? NO! Purely for the sake that if work life balance existed, you would be split 50/50 between the two.

Sometimes you give more towards your work and sometimes more towards your life. BUT it is never truly on equal ground. Something has got to give, somewhere, somehow. I guess it’s up to you to define what that something is…

Do you think work life balance exists?

 How to (RE)CONNECT WITH YOUR KIDS

  • Be an active Observer — have you ever just watched your kids to understand what they are doing or going through? Do you know when your kid(s) seem most open to connection? Are they morning people? Mama is learning to be a morning person 🙂 Do you know what they like or dislike? Do you know when something is “off” with them?
  • Be Open — to making it your priority to connect. Children often give you signals that they need more connection from you. My kids have mastered techniques such as whining, crying, arguing, or tantrums. Breathe and let go, observe and listen to what they are saying…
  • Be Quiet – My kids like to speak to me at the most inopportune times… But is it really an inopportune time? For me – yes. For them – NO. Sometimes, they need to muster up the courage to talk about something and as a parent, I want my kids to know that they can talk to me about anything! Yes, anything. Even if topics are age restricted.
  • Be YOU — Be the best version of YOU. Your kids love you just the way you are. They don’t need you to wear a cape because in their eyes you are their superhero anyway. They don’t need you to be a multi-tasker/juggler of note. All they need is to know that YOU love them unconditionally and that you’ve got their back!

Connecting doesn’t have to be complicated. And don’t get me wrong, NO one gets it RIGHT all the time. You will falter, you will make mistakes, you will drop the baton BUT try again! And again! And Again! Never stop trying!

I don’t ever want to be too busy to connect with my kids.

Even if it means that last email won’t be sent, dinner may be a little delayed, and my house won’t stay clean. The house was clean light years before the kids were born anyway 🙂

How do you stay CONNECTED?

Spirited Mama

x

 

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Medical Aids…what THEY don’t tell you… Part 1

By

On January 7, 2019

In choices, Health care, medical aid

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed are MY own. This is NOT a sponsored post. I am in NO way referring to any one medical aid. The aim of my post is to shed some light on the terminology referred to by medical aids and/or medical professionals and to hopefully help YOU avoid going through unnecessary drama in case you have to deal with your medical aid.

With a new year brings a healthy new balance of medical aid funds 🙂 If you have kids, you will understand how towards the end of every year you use your funds cautiously, to ensure that you are covered right up until 31 December!

Medical Aids

We JUST can’t live without it. Well, my family can’t. We have two kids. Albeit, they are NOT sickly/unhealthy, we have had our fair share or trips to the Emergency Room and being admitted to hospital. We have a comprehensive plan that cost quite a bit every month. It is becoming more prevalent that people are seeking out only hospital plans as opposed to a full comprehensive plan.

For me, the pro’s outweigh the con’s when it comes to a full comprehensive plan. I heard people saying, “save the monthly premium that you would give to the medical aid”. In my experience, even if we saved up a full year’s premiums, we would still NOT have enough money to cover everything that the medical does. Also, none of the people who say this actually have a savings plan as they advise…

I get that life happens and you might save the first month or three, but  then other expenses creep in and you suddenly use “that saving” towards something else. And before you know it, the year is gone. What have you actually saved?

Medical aid is my family’s perk!

What your medical aid doesn’t tell you

Do you know what a PMB is? PMB=Prescribed minimum benefit. That means that YOU are entitled to receive the necessary medical attention and the medical aid SHOULD pay for it as long as your treating doctor deems the diagnosis as a PMB. Every medical aid has a PMB list. This list should be readily available to members on their websites or sent to members upon request. Do you know what YOU are eligible for under PMBs? READ THE FINE PRINT!

Some doctors will motivate a diagnosis and others won’t. The gist of the matter is that medical aids are slightly more inclined to pay for your expenses should your doctor motivate certain procedures and/or medication.

Co-payments for medical procedures

Do you just pay or do you question WHY you have a co-payment? Fact is that I have been told I needed to pay and then in fact it was NOT the case. Refer back to getting your doctor to motivate a procedure and/or medication. Do not just pay the co-payment. Question them. You are entitled to an explanation as to why this expense is your responsibility. You might be pleasantly surprised at the outcome.

Another situation that has surfaced is that so many doctors are contracted out and require a payment upfront from the patient or patient’s parent/guardian. I get that some medical aids will pay only the bare minimum and I also get that some doctors charge exorbitant fees. BUT can doctors and medical aids not reach a compromise? Not everyone is by means to fork out cash upfront, that’s why you pay for medical aid.

I also understand that as a patient, you are the customer, and it is your right to shop around. But what do you do when doctor X is the only doctor closest to you that can do whatever procedure is required BUT they charge 300 sometimes 500 % of medical aid rates?

 

This discussion on medical aids can go on to infinity and beyond. Hence, why I said that this is only PART 1. I know that I won’t change the situation with just one post BUT I do think that we, the customers, CAN and WILL make a difference is we SPEAK UP!

Do you have a medical aid?

Do they cover everything without you having to donate an organ?

Spirited Mama

x

P.S. Happy 2019 folks!

 

Motherhood round 2…

By

On August 21, 2017

In About me, choices, happiness, Parenting

Round 2

Becoming a mom for the second time, albeit 7 years later, was like becoming a mom for the first time. The adjustment from 1 to 2 children, for me, was and is major. It feels like I have a house full of kids now.

Never ending laundry…how can we have SO much laundry? Even though Troll sleeps 10 hours straight every night, thank heavens, I don’t. Because I don’t go to bed when he does!

Bring on the routine

Both kids have the same routine. Our supper time is 18:00 – 19:00. Bath time for both kids is 19:00 and then it’s bedtime at 19:30. For my own sanity, my kids MUST go to bed at 19:30 otherwise Mommy is going to lose her shit. We as parents also need a timeout and when the kids go to bed it’s “Adult Timeout”.

BUT during adult timeout we don’t get a timeout, in fact, we hurriedly try and finish whatever needs to be done. Laundry, kitchen, quick spot cleans here and there, and whatever else needs to be done.

Round 2 I thought I had this

Both my kids were induced. I clearly remember the day when Dudie was born. The nurse asking me to sign the epidural consent forms and all I could think about was how nervous I was to birth my child. I didn’t get that epidural as once the show was on a roll there was no stopping Dudie from making his entrance. That baby was born ALL natural, drug-free weighing a 3.4kgs.

With Troll it was SO different. When the nurse asked me if I wanted an epidural, I declined. She reminded me that it was, in fact, an Induction and that labour could get very intense. I said I know. Been there, done that and got the 7-year-old to show for it. I wasn’t as nervous for the birth as I was the first time. What was freaking me out was what about “the happily ever after” when that little person is forever part of our family. The birth seemed like the easy part. The hard part is raising my kids. Troll was born ALL natural, drug-free weighing 4.04kgs.

Same same, yet different

My boys are so similar yet so different. Both unique little beings with their own personalities. What I do know is that my boys are happy. Joy beams from their little faces, so surely it is within them. Don’t get me wrong, they can be monstrous at times but thankfully those moments are few and far in between.

Our lives are busy. And we like it that way but sometimes we need to take a step back and just enjoy the moment. I battle with this and I’m running things in my head and sometimes find myself way ahead of where my family actually is. I am trying to make a conscious effort to be present in the moment. I am making small changes.  I try and spend one on one time with each of my sons even if it’s only a few minutes at a time.

Last week, Dudie told me that he knows that we really love him. Also, he reasoned that I love him 50% and Troll 50%. I said nope, I love you both 100%. His response, well then you have 200% love to give. You have got to love this child’s analytical ability, no thanks to his paternal genes 🙂

Round 2 concludes…

Thinking back I was very scared of having another child. Purely because I just didn’t want Dudie to share me with anyone else. It is a major adjustment for ALL of us but we are gracefully embracing our new life. We welcomed Troll with so much love that it almost seems like he has been with us forever. He was made for our family. He is the last piece to this puzzle.

Watching the boys together warms my heart. Not only do they share genetics BUT they have an actual bond. A brotherhood. And no one can take that from them. As their parents, we will encourage and strengthen the bond. EVen though Troll is only 6 months old he already searches the room for Dudie.

Motherhood can kick my arse on most days but I am happy knowing that even on those not so great days I am doing the best I can…for my boys.

Motherhood definitely is my best achievement!

Spirited Mama

 

Comfortable in my own skin and body image

By

On June 26, 2017

In About me, choices, I am Beautiful

I used to be the “skin”ny girl

Once upon a time, I was the skinny girl. In fact all throughout my schooling. BUT I’ve always loved food. There is WAY too much good food in this world to NOT try it.

I used to be able to eat whatever I wanted, I even had cake for breakfast on most days, until my metabolism kicked my ass and slowed down tremendously. Now that extra piece of chocolate shows up on my hips/thighs/tummy and/or ass. But I am comfortable in my skin. I like who I am even though those dressing room mirrors are very unflattering. My Dude loves my muffin grip. Me not so much but it is a part of me and I do love myself.

Why do we say we need to accept people as they are but we can’t accept ourselves? Is this struggle greater for women that men? Actually, I’d be quite interested in a male point of view. Dude is so proud of his “Dad” physique. He says I took years to get into his shape.

 

Becoming comfortable in my skin

At this stage I am in between sizes😁 Well that’s how I term it. So I don’t have a standard size. One particular cut might be smaller/bigger. I can never just take a size without fitting the item first… I mean come on ONE SIZE DOES NOT FIT ALL. I buy what fits me. My body. It reminds me of when I bought my wedding dress 10 years ago. I bought an imported dress but it was too big in some places and needed to be altered. The resident tailor in this Boutique store almost had a heart attack as I was drinking a Coca Cola and eating a BarOne…all whilst she was taking my measurements. Her exact words, “What are you doing? You should be drinking water and eating vegetables!” I responded “Excuse me! This dress will fit me NOT the other way round“.

That statement of hers always reminds me to laugh out loud, literally😂. And to NOT take life so seriously. My kids don’t care whether I’m skinny or not. They care that I spend time with them. My husband doesn’t want a skinny wife. He wants a happy wife. And reminds me ALL the time that he loves me and he loves my body just the way it is. Oh, and did I mention that I grew 2 babies with this body?

Body image and what we portray as normal

Back to the point. Kids are so hard on themselves about what the perfect body image is or should. Why? Aren’t we preaching that we are supposed to love ourselves just the way we are? Believe me, I am my WORST CRITIC. I too was in a space of “I need to look a certain way and I’d be happier/enjoy life more/etc”. Blah blah blah. Thankfully, as I get wiser, I seem to care less and less about what I see on TV/Magazines/Instagram/Twitter etc. I do love seeing the “real” people, you know the #nofilter images, no editing. I have nothing against anyone for living a healthy lifestyle and keeping fit. When people ask me if I go to the gym, I aptly respond with I lift 8kgs daily. But it’s not in a gym, it’s at home when lifting Troll. What gets to me is when you are pushed to the point where you feel:

“I must eat this or that”

“I must be on a diet”

“I must go to gym”

“I must lose weight”

The pressure for some is just too much. Some people are just not strong enough to BE THEMSELVES. Some people are blessed with great genes…others not so much. I see the craze about #wellness trending all the time. But what is YOUR wellness? My #wellness is being the best I can be, in whatever shape or form that suits ME. And another thing “who are these people judging you anyway?” What merit do they have? Do they live YOUR life?

Being a wife/mom/employee/etc takes up ALL my time. I’m just happy at the end of the day to sit down and eat my chocolate in peace… Let me be. I’m a fuller version of myself right now🤘

GO LIVE YOUR LIFE. Whichever way you see fit. In the end, only YOU will be answerable for your life anyway.

I am BEAUTIFUL. I am ME. I am UNIQUE.

I don’t want to fit in. I want to STAND out.

Spirited Mama

x

Calories and my fitness Apps

By

On June 9, 2017

In About me, choices, Fitness, Health, Reflections, Tech stuff, Time out

I never have to worry about calories….

Because I never get the full calorie intake for anything anyway. I.KID.YOU.NOT. Someone always wants what I’m having. A consumable can lie in the cupboard heck even on the table in plain sight and NO one will take it…until I do. Then everyone wants it/some of it.

Also, my family controls my portion size for me so there is no need to worry about over eating when they are around. The problem I face is when I am alone…I love to indulge.

Dudie throws me the “sharing is caring” card. Dude throws me the “I always share with you” card. Troll, aka the baby, is just being himself. If he could eat my boob he probably would… #breastfeedingmom

I must admit, I think I bounced back to my pre preggy body much quicker with Troll than with Dudie, 7 years ago. I guess it’s because now I have to juggle 2 kids, a husband, my job and of course Dudie’s schedule. I know it’s terrible but there are days where I only realise when I am on the verge of chewing my own hand that I haven’t had a proper meal for the day.

Somedays I remember to make a shake and drink it during the school run so that I at least have something. Problem is sometimes I forget to drink it too. Recently, I made a conscious effort to drink more water again. Somehow I got to busy to do that too.

My body is signalling me that it needs fuels but my mind is already planning the next to do list. Even though I am through with the current to do list. Life is busy but sometimes I think I just want to be so in control of my life that I forget to stop and take some time out.

My fitness apps are going bonkers with results of “do you want to adjust your fitness goals?, you did not meet your target number f daily steps, you have many inactive periods (granted this is because I don’t always have the damn phone with me)”. BUT it commends me for waking up on time! That’s a plus right? Even though it shows my sleep records are very poor. Somedays I want to crawl into bed at 9am and just sleep but hey life has to happen in between. There’s being mom & wife, running a house, creating a home, etc. We all do it. And somehow we survive.

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I need my #momcation

I think I need to take a time out. To reflect. To analyse. To gain perspective. To breathe. I know where my priorities lie but I also need to prioritise MYSELF. I need to show myself some self love.

Exciting times lie ahead.

Spirited Mama

When you live up to your name…

By

On February 20, 2017

In choices, Parenting

What’s in a name?

Do you know what your child’s name means? Did you choose it or did you give someone else the honour of naming your child or children? Did you choose his/her name before they were born? Or are you one of those parents who waited until your child was born, to see what “name” they looked like?

I have 2 sons. Dudie is now 7 years old and the new baby is currently 3 weeks going on 4. I can’t believe how quickly the past three weeks have flown by. Where is time rushing to?

When I was pregnant with Dudie, my Dude and I discussed several names. With both pregnancies our kids were planned. We had a few options but none that really resonated and made me feel “aaahhh that’s the name of my child”. Dude is the 4th generation of family names and when Dudie was in utero I decided that we will not continue the tradition. Don’t worry Dude was totally on board with the decision. One day on my commute to work I sought of had an epiphany. Now I am not the very religious type but I do believe in God and I do regard myself as a Christian. Somehow I had a sense of something around me and I knew in that moment that my child’s name was “Joshua”. Nowhere had I ever dreamt or intended for my child/children to have biblical names. But that feeling was so strong and reassuring that I knew he is destined to be “Joshua”.

Some might know and for those who don’t, for a very very very long time I was convinced that Joshua would be my only child. Albeit that I had relatively fuss free pregnancy and what many believe to be an easy birth too. But in 2015, Dude threw me a curveball wanting or rather longing for another baby. I wasn’t quite ready. I wasn’t convinced. And the whole baby thing was left hanging. I spent alot of time considering having another baby. Many people commented that its because I waited so long. The gap is too big. Blah blah blah… I always knew that I was not cut out to have two babies close in age… I couldn’t handle the thought of two nappy bags, bottles, diapers, etc.

Dude is very superstitious. When I told him that our first born’s name is Joshua, he told me that he needed to think about it and thoroughly do his research. He is a firm believer that one lives up to your name. It took him a while to agree that we will name our first son Joshua.

My sons live up to their names

Joshua means “God saves”. Joshua was and still is my happy child. When we looked into the meaning of his name it described my child to the core. We have witnessed how Joshua has transformed our extended families. We have witnessed how Joshua has impacted our families and brought them together. This child is a hellavu kind of special person and I know he is destined to be great, no matter what he does, no matter what he chooses to be one day.

I joked about how if we ever had another child he will be Noah. Never did I imagine that it would be a reality. But in 2017, 2 weeks earlier than anticipated, we welcomed Noah into our little family. From the onset he crept into my heart and I reAlised that indeed I had a sense of longing, just as much as Dude, for Noah. Dudie is as happy as a pig in mud about having a brother. He is super proud and completely “in love” just like us with Noah.

Noah means rest and comfort. Even though he can make his voice as loud and clear as any baby, he is a peaceful child. It is yet to be seen if he lives up to his name but already he has brought comfort into our souls…

Ironically, I named both our boys, and both have Hebrew names. First and middle names but Dude did add the SURNAME😂

Little did I know that this is my destiny. My family feels complete. It’s me and my guy and our boys ❤

This is my legacy.

This is my BEST life.

Spirited Mama

x

p.s. The sign featured is one that I bought for Dudie to hang in his bedroom.

7 Tips to make your hospital stay more comfortable and enjoyable

By

On January 11, 2017

In choices, Hospitals

When you are admitted to hospital for an extended stay, like I currently am – I am on Day 6 now, #36weekspregnant and all is good with my and baby’s health- you may want to make your stay as comfortable and enjoyable as possible. Well, otherwise you may very well stand with your face pressed against your glass door, albeit in your private room, with a deep longing to run outside and be free.

These are my 7 tips for making your hospital stay more comfortable and enjoyable:

1. Try to stick to your normal routine as if you were at home, e.g. My beauty routine – not that you can even call it that but let’s go with it for now. I packed my beloved Garnier Micellar cleansing water as well as my Garnier Hydramatch moisturiser. Yes, I use my moisturiser as a night cream too, well when I remember to use it at night.  My skin always feels dehydrated in hospital so luckily I still had some Vitamen E body butter from the Bodyshop(by far one of my favourites to use for the whole family). My labello is a life saver. Dudie also uses it daily as he swims 5 times a week and his lips take a beating with the harsh chemicals in the swimming pool.

2. Take a roll or two of BabySoft toilet paper from home. The last thing you want is to be wiping daily with that awful hard Kimberley Clark dispensing toilet paper. Your ass will thank you…

3. Bring your own pillow, if you must. I use a special memory pillow and I know as soon as I use a different pillow my spine/neck or is always fucked. I really don’t need further treatment for things that can be avoided in hospital.

4. Bring loads of books to read. I love reading and can practically read anything. I am currently on some sort of Vampire book, which has been lying at home forever. Just figured now would be a great time to read it.

5. Catch up on personal admin. I have loads of things that I’m busy doing in my head but you know sometimes life get so busy that we never get around to it. I am taking it easy but also setting out some time each day to catch up on my admin.

6. Work and rework your budget. New Year = New Commitments.   For me January is the start of my financial year, why the fuck SARS starts in March and Government in July is beyond me. Along with the new year comes a crap load of things that need to be bought/paid etc. For starters, we settle Dudie’s annual tuition in January. Fuck its like buying a small car every year but at least then we know we never see an invoice about tuition again. Don’t get me wrong, we get numerous invoices throughout the year. Why? Because he is at an independent/private school and YOU as  the parents have to PAY for everything. So just pat yourself on the back for settling the tuition fees in January, grow some balls and pay whatever invoices comes your way. We also have all the extra mural activities, golf, cricket, violin and private swimming lessons. Let’s not even go into our general monthly household running expenses. Ooh, did I mention we are paying the unborn baby’s school fees into a savings account already? Well, cos we are proactive like that you know.

7. Discuss your food/dietary requirements with the hospital staff. I have been here before. I know the menu, it hasn’t changed since November when I was here. I have selected various options from all the different menu types available. Albeit the food is really good, I have designed my own menu. I eat the normal food, vegetatian food, the gluten and wheat free food, banting options and even some stuff from the gastro menu😂 I am currently eating from the long stay menu, who even knew that such a menu existed, but man I’ve have crumbed pork chops, schnitzels and schwarmas….I am not a big red meat fan so most of the vegetarian options have worked out fantastic. No I’m not vegetarian although Dudie and I prefer seafood than red meat.

Only you can make your stay as enjoyable as you want, given you have the right attitude and mindset. There is no point in fighting  the situation, if this is where you need to be. So my advice to you….Take care of YOU and YOUR needs.

Some other observations from my hospital bed:

  • Some people just shouldn’t be nurses. I mean if they don’t have a passion for nursing rather find another career please. Some people are born with the innate passion of caring for others. I am very lucky that I have an excellent day and night team at my hospital taking care of me and my unborn baby right now.
  • Get as much R&R as possible. I know its easier said than done, and I’m the last person to be lying in a bed but it is necessary.
  • If reading is not your thing then bring an Ipad or Notebook and catch up on some series.
  • Bring snacks…I nibble throughout the day so I packed On the go snack packs, Pringles, chocolate and some energade.
  • I got Dude to bring my hairdryer and GHD and voila I did my hair in hospital. I look better and feel better.
  • I made peace with my situation and only now starting to sleep, albeit interuppted stints,at least I’m getting some sleep.
  • I’m using this time to research some investment opportunites…

Ciao for now.

Spirited Mama

x

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