Spirited Mama

Living a SPIRITED life filled with wanderlust, emotions and everything in between

Category: Struggles

Derailed and binge drinking

By

On July 6, 2017

In Kids, Kids stuff, Mishaps, New baby, Parenting, Struggles

Not me…the baby…Troll is binge drinking. At first I thought it was growth spurts but it has become a daily occurrence and I guess this is just what he does. I really think I should just connect the tube from my breast pump directly from breast to Troll…

My plans are being DERAILED. Clearly I have forgotten how long it takes to get out of the house with a new baby. Just to get to PicknPay, which is literally across the road from our house, takes forever. I swear it’ll be quicker if I sent one of the dogs with a note and some cash to bring back the goods.

One Sunday I had a plan of action for the day. We would go to church, go to Checkers straight after the service because the toilet paper was on special. BabySoft hasn’t been R79.95 since forever. I wrote about our use of Toilet Paper here.

Then I wanted to stop at Woolworths because I have a gift voucher to pamper myself. And I had to change baby clothes because we had duplicates, a gift we received when I already bought the exact same outfit for Troll.

Well, this is how my plan of action actually went down:

We skipped Church because I just didn’t want to wake the sleeping baby. My 7 year old said “Mom you can just pray harder here at home.” Then my 7 year old took an eternity to get done. In between Troll kept feeding as if it was the end of the world. Me having a hissy fit because the 7 year old showers for an eternity and yet he is the first to preach that we should save water. Oh and then Dude, aka the husband, messages me that he needs to go to PicknPay after work but we should enjoy our outing. I responded that we were going nowhere slowly. At 11am I put Troll down for a nap. I hurriedly dust the bedrooms, get the eldest child dressed and ready for the day. I fold the clothes from the dryer and put the next load. I never hang the laundry. I tumble dry EVERYTHING. Even the ones that say DO NOT tumble dry. I take a quick shower. I nibble on some biltong because with a new baby you kinda forget to eat nevermind make a proper lunch. Then the 7 year old is calling for food. I waiting for Dude to get home from work, just to offer me a few minutes of respite. I look at the clock and think shit it’s only 12:35 but it feels like bedtime again.

Well that’s that. I ate some fruit and some yoghurt. I’ve learnt to stock up on food that you can snack on whilst breastfeeding or handling the baby…One-handed operations only. I never got to PicknPay, neither did I make it to Checkers or Woolworths. I sat down and realised shit I still wanted to go to Makro as well. What used to be a seamless operation now takes forever and a day, planning and coordinated movements…all just to get to the shops with two kids by my side.

I always pack two baby bags. One to take with us when we leave the house and an emergency backup if we need to rush out. My 7 year old always grabs snacks for the road, albeit just to PicknPay across the road. I kid you not. Dude will attest to that.

How do you manage with kid(s)? I only have two but some days it feels like I have twenty…

#thestruggleisreal

Spirited Mama

P.S. My 7 year old says “Mom if you don’t want to smell like the baby vomit just wash with water and soap and you can smell like you”. The honesty of this child sometimes…

 

Empowering women? Are we really ready?

By

On November 14, 2016

In Struggles, Women

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This was a random picture my Dude sent to me. Roughly translated “Once upon a time there was a woman that wasn’t full of shit. But that was a very long time ago… and it was only that one day“. Unfortunately, he caught me on a day where I felt I needed to reinforce my independence and I then replied with this

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Roughly translated “Once upon a time, men used to hunt and make fires and didn’t get involved/butt in“.

Are we really empowering women?

So the phrase “empowering women” has been on my mind for a long time. Are we, as a society, really ready to empower women? Are we giving it our best shot? Or are we doing it half heartedly because someone said we must?

More and more women are doing what was once considered “the man’s job” in previous times. Does it look like more and more men are OK with women moving into “their” domain? I am all for being a liberal independent woman. My Dude sometimes gets upset because he wants to do something for me but I am not helpless. I can do some things for myself, thank you very much. It doesn’t make me any less of a woman and it surely doesn’t make him any less of a man, well that is my opinion.

I am me. I am strong. And I am strong willed, sometimes just stubborn. I will do what I need to do for myself. Because I can. And because I like my independence.

Do women deserve to be empowered?

Some women actually do a much better job, in different domains, than a man would do. Yet somehow women are still not seen as equals to their male counterparts. Has society indoctrinated us so badly that we only see women as being barefeet, pregnant and standing behind a stove? From personal experience, it was typical of some of my working environments, the males felt threatened by women in top positions. Are men really still intimidated by their woman’s paycheck? Is it really SO bad if she brings home the bacon?

Why do people frown upon a SAHM, stay at home mom? If you can afford it, why not? If that is what you want to do. No one will raise your kid(s) the way YOU want to. What about stay at home Dads? Has society accepted it? These dads are so few and far in between. Why is it that men are some of the biggest critics of stay at home dads? Does it really take away your manliness? Balancing family and a career is tough. In my opinion, something has got to give. Whether it is time spent with family or chasing that dream JOB. The aim is finding YOUR balance, your ZEN. What works for you and your family might not be ideal for mine.

Whatever happened to having an equal partnership with your spouse? Co-existing in unison, peace and harmony. And hopefully surrounded by love… Spirited Mama

Spirited Mama

P.S. I suspect that the USA wasn’t quite ready for such a liberal move as having a female president. Were they scared? Who knows why America got TRUMPED.

Mamma….you know I love you

By

On October 25, 2016

In About me, emotions, LOVE, Mamma, Struggles

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Image found at www.w-dog.net/wallpaper

Mamma, YOU abandoned our ship. (in case you missed it CANCER WON Mamma lost)

Mamma

Remember how excited you were to plan our September holiday? Remember how excited you were when I called with the news about the resident alien? Remember how excited you were when you decided we should go on a boat cruise to Namibia? And we were planning for 2017 because we had to wait for the resident alien to arrive? I remember the very first time we drove, me being the driver, on the N1 highway in Cape Town. I was the learner driver, you were the licensed driver – although you never drove. That was just the start of our many drives and adventures. Just the two of us. I miss those drives – which never really had a particular destination.

Then I moved to Pretoria. And we stayed in touch via the phone. Since 2015 you even started using whatsapp – I was so proud of you – keeping in touch with me and technology. You visited and often stayed for 3 months at a time. It wasn’t perfect but we loved you nonetheless. We argued/disagreed/fought but still remained true and loyal to one another. Nothing and no one could break our bond. Our droves continued in Pretoria.

Then started my morning peak hour drive conversations with you. Almost daily we spent an hour talking whilst I was in transit – don’t worry you were on “speaker phone”. When I changed my job to work 7kms from home that hour long conversation was still an hour –  only difference is I used to sit in the parking lot finishing my conversation with you. So many times I was late for work – not because of traffic but because I had to finish my conversation with you. And it was SO worth it. Our random ramblings, some things trivial and some so important and meaningful to us.

Our lives changed

Well things have changed. “Life happens when you are making other plans… John Lennon” My LIFE has changed. YOU are no longer here to physically share it with me or my family. We miss. I MISS you. Always! They say that grief gets better with time. I say it doesn’t. We just find ways to live and/or cope with the grief.

Who knew that our holiday in April 2016 would have been our last one together. That this was one of our last breakfasts together.breakfast

That week was so special. One week of just the two of us alone at night, once more sharing a bed. Much like the last week before you became an angel. Just the two of us. A game of Checkers we played – And YOU won. A game of Putt Putt we played in the afternoon rain. And then you chickened out of our night swim that you requested. Was it because you were scared I would see your lump?  Our last supper – your infamous roosterkoekdinner

We talked and laughed so much that night that we hardly slept. The boys came knocking on our door to wake us for breakfast the next day. Those memories are forever in my heart and soul.

The hardest thing in my life

Losing you was one of the hardest things that I have to deal with. You are forever etched in my heart, mind and soul. I am a part of you as much as you are a part of me. Your last message to me was cryptic. I still don’t understand but perhaps with time all will be revealed.

Thank you for what you have done for me. But also for what you have taught me. I will do that Namibian boat cruise for you. For us. 

Love and miss you ALWAYS!

L

Spirited Mama

P.S. I sometimes wonder now that you are an angel are you spending time with my resident alien?

 

Second child syndrome..and hand me downs

By

On September 23, 2016

In brothers, Family, New baby, Parenting, siblings, Struggles

 

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Second child syndrome. Hand me downs? Is it fair or OK to pass on things?Do you feel neglected as a second child? I am the eldest of two children. But I am also the only girl. I have a brother who is 9 years younger than me. Dude is the youngest of three children but granted his brother is 8/9 years older than him. In essence, we kinda grew up as “only” children or in different generations to that of our siblings. Dudie and the resident alien will have a 7 year age gap between them. Whilst I am all for sibling bonds I am most certainly NOT cut out to be a mom of two babies/small children. Hence, the age gap between my boys… I do worry that they will not “click” right away but as with anything you cannot predict the future. My wish is that my boys create and find “their own special brotherly bond”.

Is it fair or OK to pass on things?Do you feel neglected as a second child?

The competitiveness…First born vs last born? The resident alien is not even born yet and already I am picking up competitive vibes from Dudie. And No it’s not anything that we have said or done but Dudie had a problem with the name that we I have chosen for his little brother. Yes, imagine that. To quote my 6 soon to be 7 year old, in exactly 8 days he will be 7 – he promptly reminds me daily of how many days are left until his birthday “that name is too powerful for my little brother”. I shit you not. When did this boy get sooo smart? And who in the hell of it old him which names are powerful? Oh my, this is but a sliver of what I can look forward to with my spirited Dudie. This kid is song willed…
Does it create sibling rivalry? Dude and I had this conversation the other day and granted I agree that if the parent makes a fuss about it the second child might feel somewhat neglected or begin to realise that this might not be normal behaviour. Although, I have always given Dudie things to family and charity my Dude had a valid question…”Why is the stuff not good enough for the resident alien? Honestly, I couldn’t think of a valid reason. Perhaps it’s the mommy guilt of wanting to give my boys everything I possibly can. And wanting to give the resident alien his “own” things?

I foresee a journey full of discovery for the Spirited Household. I hope that we all embrace the changes with love, respect and dignity…

Happy bonding.

Spirited Mama

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I chose these random images as I didn’t think anyone would want me posting pictures of their kids on my blog…and well the resident alien is still in utero so how do you think I would get a picture of my boys together…

Tooth fairy never visited us last night….

By

On July 28, 2016

In Dudie, Parenting, Struggles

Omg, the tooth fairy never visited us last night. It was a complete fail on us as the parents as we totally forgot about the tooth fairy….

Now, Dudie is 6 and happily believes in the tooth fairy. And for our own sanity we let him. I mean I was shattered when I found out that the Tooth Fairy, Santa and the Easter Bunny were not real….I will let him believe as long as his imagination will allow.

So Dude and I fetch Dudie at school yesterday and Dudie pipes up “Mom, look at my tooth.” Now this very incisor has been loose for a while but not quite ready to be removed sans Dentist. So I said ok that tooth is ready to come out, let Dad take it out. For the record I don’t pull teeth. Never have. Never will. I will nurture and teach you the importance of hygiene and how to take care of those pearly whites but I WILL NoT pull teeth….

So in the school parking lot Dude takes on the mission of “Incisor extraction”. I say guys really there will be blood and we are in the parking can this not wait until we get home? Dude says  no cos he wants to go to Pick n Pay Hypermarket and Dudie says Mom, you try pulling my tooth…. I very firmly tell this child that I will not pull that tooth and 1,2,3 Dude pulls the tooth and Dudie yells, “Is there blood? Mom let me borrow your little mirror.” Yes there was blood. Yes I took a very quick look and said well done Dudie another tooth is out and soon another big boy tooth will be there.

We proceeded to go do some random shopping for light bulbs at Pick n Pay Hyper, yes we drove past many smaller shops where we could have found required light bulbs but Dude NEEDED to go to Hyper. Alas we bought a trolley of food and unnecessary things but hey let me not complain about being blessed.

back to the tooth fairy. So Dudie puts the tooth in a little box and under his pillow and goes to bed last night, with high hopes of a visit from the tooth fairy.

This morning low and behold Dudie was a complete monster when we had to get ready for school and work, bear in mind Dude leaves very early so we don’t see him in the morning. So I had a complete WTF moment, we have been having these mornings more often than not and I just had enough. Now, I pray for patience and I thought Lord, is this where I exercise patience? Well, after a altercation with mom and a very stern loud voice, Dudie shedding crocodile tears and feeling sorry for himself shouting I hate you, you the worst mommy I ever knew. I find this child sitting in the bathroom all sad. He says the tooth fairy gave me nothing. Omg, we completely forgot!!!

I jumped at the opportunity and explained, “remember I told you before that the tooth fairy watches your behavior. Maybe she wasn’t happy with your behavior and thought maybe you needed some reminding to behave better?” So let’s get done and get you to school. Perhaps think about your behavior and attitude and try again tonight. Maybe the tooth fairy will come by tonight.

Some days I just feel that parenting is soooooo hard. It tests me, it pushes me, it grills me, it tires me, it challenges my being, emotionally, spiritually and physically. I love my child but whoa sometimes I feel like I have no idea of what I’m doing….

How much does the tooth fairy give per tooth these days? I used to get 20cents and that was a small fortune back then. Sometimes even up to R1/R2 per tooth. Lol….

cheers

Spirited Mama

P.S. So Dudie was late for school. I walked him to his class and told him that he can own up for his actions and explain to his teacher why he is late today. I will not be going into the class as I am not responsible for this action. At least my child knows to man up for his actions.

Out of town as well as mind. Thanks MIL…..

By

On February 19, 2013

In JOBS, Struggles, Uncategorized

So im in the  Free State for work matters. Im staying in the Anta Boga Boutique Hotel. What a lovely little place. So as i now lay myself to rest, i must add that it is under plush goose downs, i was informed that meetings have been postponed and i get to lie in and enjoy a late breakfast.

i miss my Dude and Dudie….

Cheers for now

Spirited Mama

P.S ive been missing due to work but also some major drama with the mother in law. Lets just say that our relationship has gone sour and i dont know if we could ever be whole again. We will be civil but thats it. I’ll do a post soon….

 

The Struggle…

By

On February 4, 2013

In emotions, Family, Struggles

Today was one of those day s where I needed motivation, and to just keep calm, etc etc. Briefly, Dudie decided to pee in my bed… of course this happened after Dude left for work. I felt the warm sensation against my leg. I got up, showered and then woke the sleeping child who was not in the least disturbed by sleeping on his pee????

I bath child, ask 100 times that he please brush his front teeth! This is my daily battle. I proceed to put sheets and jammies, mind you I just put fresh linen on the bed yesterday!!!!, in the washing machine. Eventually, Dudie gets going and I try to get dressed. Well first pants I put on, too big, second pants hugs in all the areas I DID not want it too, third time lucky I choose my normal black pants and grey top.

I hurriedly look for the car keys only to realise that my darling husband had them yesterday and drove off this morning with car keys in his bakkie! Thank Gloria we have spare keys. I locate them and proceed to pack car. I get the Dudie out of the house and TA DA!!!! The freaking fuel reserve is on! WTF! I swear that thing is faulty. Saturday I had a 1/4 tank but this morning it was empty? We did not drive the car yesterday?(Note to self – get car checked)

I decided that I’m late as it is… MIght as well stop now for fuel. Garage 1 – the queue stretches into the main road. Garage 2 – success. We get helped almost immediately. One guy fuels us up and one starts cleaning the windscreen. Only the guy was done with fuel, swiped my card, only to have his colleague dash off to help someone else and leaving me with a half washed windscreen. I left with a half washed windscreen!

I drive 200m and I’m stuck in gridlocked traffic. Up until now, I don’t know why! BUT my 7km drive took 55 mins this morning!!!!! I get to school, only to confront the Vice-Principal about a bullying incident. (I’ll post on that later) My Dudie is soft spoken and loveable, he will not fight just because! So we wait to hear the outcome on Thursday after all the meetings!!!!

Thank Gloria Dudie was happy and merry and a pleasant fellow passenger. I get to the Gautrain station. Now, I’ve missed 3 trains and I’ve made peace that I’m running late…. But our train made an unscheduled stop outside a station and there we sat on the tracks.  So apart from my brother’s shocking news that he’ll be getting married in 4 weeks and my Dude’s sister being a biatch…. my day was rather eventful.

Upon getting to work, I decided enough already… We always try and solve the world’s problems, ok mainly family but you get the point. And it ALWAYS impacts US as a couple/family. We stress and fret and worry and they carry on. Happily living their lives. Well I’ve had enough. I will NOT bend over backwards for my brother and his girlfriend, who just told me that she insisted that they get married!!!! WTF! They have a child who’s turning 1 in April. So why rush into a wedding? I told my Dude that his sister is a mental biatch!

And then I remembered this….

The struggle you are in today is developing the strength you need for tomorrow. Don’t give up!

So I keep my head high. I’m going home to MY Dude and Dudie. And I will bask in the magic of MY family! We are a spirited family but we LOVE hard!

Spirited Mama

xoxox

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