This is good. This resonates with me. This is exactly why I need to find me.
I read this over at Dear Max: http://www.dearmax.org/2012/02/why-you-should-focus-more-on-your-life-than-others/
I am that person who likes to please others. I “need” to please others. It’s in my genetic make-up and I’m trying struggling to change it. And it’s getting the better of me…
I don’t know how long this search will be but I’m thinking probably a long long time. I don’t like the me that has been for the past 28yrs. Of course there are good memories that I wouldn’t trade for anything but wow, I need to find “me”. I don’t think that I’ve ever really been true to me.
<I sat here staring at this post wanting to add something but didn’t know what. Really, I was empty.>
P.S. I copied this image from a blog. I can’t remember whose. Sorry. If it’s yours please free to take the credit.
I have a sign <when I saw it I had to get it> outside the front door that reads:
I can only please one person per day and today is not your day. Tomorrow doesn’t look good either.
Currently, I’m finding it extremely difficult to please me. Maybe it’s because I’m not sure what me wants now…
I feel as if the life is being sucked out of me probably by me as everyone else seems seemingly happy and care-free. It feels as if everyone is out to get me. Bombard me with their opinions/choices.
When faced with confrontation – I run! No wait, I don’t face confrontation. I go into a paralytic state. I kid you not. I’m good with work and all but matters of the heart is another story. I can’t face anyone who’s emotionally involved with me. I work myself into a frenzy and really want the earth to swallow me temporarily and spit me back up when the confrontations are over.
Why? I don’t know. I’ve lived like this forever.
Spirited Mama
P.S. And then I married a man who faces confrontation before it even surfaces…
My life
My choices
My mistakes
My lessons
NOT YOUR BUSINESS
<Sometimes I just want to be left alone>
I’m going to take over the world tonight. Well I hope to get some proper rest and then I have a pedi tomorrow morning! Yay! Hubby is on toddler duty tomorrow. I’ve made peacce with the fact that flings/chocolate/sweets can also be served as breakfast. Happiness to all.
We woke up very happy and bubbly, granted the kid was still asleep. You know that feeling you get when you just know that something is amiss…
Well, I woke up when exactly when I was suppose to be leaving the front door!
<I’ve had dreams about doing my morning routine and believe me it’s so “real” that I think that it’s actually happening. And then, the horror, when I wake up to realise that I did absolutely jack shit and now need to do everything in high gear. Shower, oh I brush my teeth in the shower to save time, get dressed, brush hair (sometime I do this in the car), pack car (i get everything ready the night before – I even put the bags close to the door) and then get the kid ready. Oh that’s another story!>
Well, I got to work 20 mins late…
Spirited Mama
So now as the work starts to slow down, my mind starts to wonder. I always end up having the same thoughts about my “CAREER”
<It sounds better than saying I have a JOB>
I always have and still want to be the “VOICE” at the Terminal Building in any Airport. Really, if you know of any vacancies, let me know please. Even, if I could do that job for a day/week/month I’d be happy.
<I’m in the market if anyone is hiring – will even settle for voice overs>
I want to be that person that calls you, yes-you (the person who’s causing the fcking delay) over the PA system.
This is how I’m suppose to do it:
Mr/Mrs Smith, please report to Boarding Gate D5.
2mins later:
Mr/Mrs Smith, this is your final boarding call. Please report to Gate D5.
BUT this is how I say it in my world (head):
Mr/Mrs Smith, we really don’t give a shit why you’re being delayed. But could you please get a move on???
2mins later:
Mr/Mrs Smith, we’ve left without you. Try another airline. Peace!
I’m rational/sane/diplomatic most of the time so if you have any vacancies, please drop me a note and I’ll contact you.
Thanks in advance.
Spirited Mama
My husband has reminded me that I have conversations in my head and then proceed to finish these conversations with him all whilst he was not included from the start. I’d say something and he’d be like… What? and I’d be like but I told you this. And then the debate <read: argument> commences. He said she said, you know how it goes.
My question is: Do you think that your behaviour rubs off onto your spouse and vice versa?
<I realised that my husband internalised certain conversations too>
Nevertheless, I always defend myself when accused of having internal conversations. And then this morning I realised, Fck! I’m having a full-blown conversation with myself. Like I’m talking aloud to myself. Asking questions and then answering and then disagreeing with myself…
Then, I wondered if this would be classified as having multiple personalities? I haven’t googled it yet but probably will later. I just decided that for now: I CALL IT MULTI-SKILLING!
Spirited Mama
Dear All
Please bear with me as my blog is still in it’s teething phase.
I’m trying… I hope that I get to the end of the tunnel
Why do we say that we need to see a light at the end of a tunnel? I don’t see that light… <I don’t mean that in a negative way> I just don’t see it. And why should I when I’m relatively ok being in the dark…
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