So I’ve worked my a$$ off to get great marks for my assignments and knowing that they count towards my year mark, I knew I had to do well. So the results are in:
82%
56%
92%
Last result – still pending – but I have a good feeling about it.
So I’ve patted myself on the back and rewarded myself
So now I keep my head down in my books. Exams are fast approaching. So if I’m not here often, please note that I will be buried under my books.
Ciao for now….
I need a bank account makeover. Like seriously! If I want to get my hands onto a few beauties, I need a volunteer to contribute to my bank account….. I’ve been oohing and ahhing over these but I can’t decide what takes preference right now. I really can’t justify spending a small fortune when I could and really should be making some wise better financial decisions….
But really how gorgeous are these:
Tip: You can find them over at ZANDO
bronx-women-6268-49003-sprite
beira-rio-0787-70882-sprite
P.S. Are there any tech savvy people out there who can assist with ads and wordpress compatability? I am just NOT that person. And it’s nerve wrecking….
Have you watched the movie If Only ?I have, several times and I ball my eyes out EVERYTIME! What gets to me is that death is inevitable… At some point, we’re all going to leave this earth. I’m relatively ok with that but the problem/fear that I battle with is the “how” you going to exit this world. Now I realise that this is beyond our control and there is no use in fussing over it but I still have this gnawing feeling about it. My grandfather and I had many many discussions about it. He passed away very peacefully in his sleep in 1997… And I still miss him dearly. I can still hear his voice and I can still see his smile….
This morning, I had a brief yet pulling-my-heart-strings conversation with one of my Aunts., on my Mom’s side of the family. My Mom is one of six children, 5 girls and the youngest a son. She is the second born. Now, both my mom and the eldest daughter, I don’t really have much of a bond with but the other three daughters (my Aunts) – well let’s just say that when you see us together you will know that we are family. Aunt T is so excited ‘cos her eldest and only daughter is getting married in April 2013. They are going dress shopping. And basically, she can’t wait for her own grankids. She treats Dudie like he’s her grandchild. Love her for that. Well, now that I think about it, all three Aunts treat Dudie like he’s their grandchild. Love you all.
I mentioned to her how I’ve always envied the relationship she had with her daughter. And then she reiterated that I have and always will hold a special place in her heart. (Total snotty cry moment on the train and I forgot my sunglasses in the car) Fact of the matter is that she makes no secret of it that “HER KIDS, all 3 of them, are her LIFE” and I relate ‘cos that’s just how I feel about Dudie. What gets to me though is that that i snot the message that I got from my Mom. We have a touch and go relationship. The entire family knows the situation. I’m not angry or upset…. I’m disappointed. How do you not want to ensure that your child knows that he/she is loved, protected, cared for, etc.
I miss my family. We don’t see each other often. We live in Pretoria. They live in Cape Town. Solution would be to move to Cape Town but that brings on a whole other can of worms…. As Dude stated earlier this week, we’re just settling in to GP now, after we’ve been here for 10 and 9 yrs respectively…
This brings me to my dilemma that I’ve been facing for almost 4 yrs years now(I’m including my pregnancy) – How to balance everything. Being a successful career woman and having a happy fulfilling family life.
NB! This is MY opinion.
Something’s gotta give. You can not do both. At some stage one or the other will take a back seat. Even if it’s temporary. I guess what I’m trying to say is that we all make our choices. And we really don’t need to justify them to anyone. It is YOUR choice afterall.
Since I knew I was to become a mother, I did some serious soul searching. Dude was of the notion that I stay at home with baby until he goes to school(roughly 7yrs). Now, as much as I enjoy my home time with Dudie, I am NOT stay at home mom material (SAHM). I will lose my shit! I enjoy working and interacting with my colleagues. I need to feel like I’m making a difference and that I’m worth something. Hats off to all SAHM but it’s just not me. But, I don’t think that I need to spend 8 hours a day away from my Dudie either. I was of the notion that Dudie will need me more when he starts “big” school. So I’ll have to work my way to a more flexi/part time JOB later.
Well, this thought has been hovering again. As Dudie approaches 3yrs, I’m more inclined to look at alternate options of employment. I have no idea where to start looking? Or what I’m looking for? But I do know that currently, I’m too attached too my salary…. The thought of giving up my financial independence scares the hibbygeebees out of me! So if anyone has any ideas on how I can free up some time, please feel free to share…
So, I’m playing the lotto this weekend. I just might have a blog post next week that’ll blow you away.
Happy Friday
Spirited Mama
My mind is screwing me again…. All those little voices….. All those ideas on how to fix a problem….
I’m trying a new approach. “The road less travelled” in Spiritville. I somehow end up making the same mistakes, then want to beat myself up for not seeing the signs, but then I end up sulking and I desperately try and claw my way out of the hole.
Same shit. Different Day. Same cycle???? WTF? Why? How? Am I just not wired properly?
I know that it’s going to be hard. I know that it’s going to be ugly but I’m hoping that the reward will outweigh all the hardships/obstacles on the journey….
P.S. I can feel an ugly cry coming so I’m signing off for now.
OMG!!!!!! I have arrived to a rather glum overcast Cape Town but at least it’s not freezing and or raining…. My Airport transfer was late, and this after I waited 15 minutes for my bag to arrive… handluggage is a max of 8kg’s and mine was 10kgs???? Nevertheless, at least I got bumped to Business Class…>
This was probably the longest flight ever. I kept dosing off as I am slightly sleep deprived, running on empty with 3hours of sleep… I eventually got my bag only to realise that my ride has not arrived? I call, they say they’re on their way. Prior to my departure, I gave myself a peptalk about how relaxed and laidback CPT is. There is no rush. The rush only exists in GP!
The driver arrived and it took all of 20minutes to drive to the Cape Sun hotel. OMG! They open the door for you. They carry your bags. By the time you arrive at the reception, they know who you are and they’ve stored your luggage and present you with a tag! All within record time. As I arrived early for check – in and I was not about to go into a room with 300 people staring at me as I disturb a session, the friendly lady at the reception gave me an access to card to the Fitness centre, where I could freshen up. I could shower if I wanted to. I was in awe. On the 32nd floor, I stared at myself in the mirrors, sat on their plush wingbacks and then came back down to the business centre. You know, to catch up on work and all. (Read: BLOG!)
The room was disturbing quietly so I came to plop down in the lounge, ordered a coffee and did some work…. Well, there a beautiful white baby grand piano in front of me which is causing great distraction. I really really want to put on my sunglasses and go pull a “Stevie Wonder” on myself. But I’m afraid, if they see me doing that they won’t let me stay in the hotel.
I’m now preparing to join my colleagues for lunch and then I have to be enthusiastic about the Conference…. I would much rather catch the Red City Sightseeing bus, it’s constantly passing the hotel.
So on that note, have a good day peeps.
Singing out, The Queen Mother, aka Spirited Mama
P.S. I told Dude that when they arrive he must bring Dudie so that we can jump on my bed 🙂 My boys arrive tomorrow. I’m so jealous as they will be on holiday and doing tourist things whilst I sit in sessions all day!
A few years back, Dude decided that he wanted a fish tank. And if you know about fish tanks, you need to have an established stable eco system before you can add fish. Technically, you set up your tank with everything except fish. Let it run/stand for a few days then add fish. Well, my dude didn’t listen. And he added almost 30 fish instantly. And needless to say they started dying… That was an expensive exercise but a lesson well learnt.
Fast forward a few years and in November/December last year he decided to get another fish tank. He got an established tank with fish from a friend who was relocating. Well, those fish died. (I think they were neglected ‘cos they looked pretty sad when they arrived) Dude tried everything but they didn’t make it. So he decided that he’ll breed snails until he knows what he wants to do with the new tank. Then last weekend, some of the bigger fish picked and nipped a Bala shark and Dudie noticed that the shark was stuck.
Half his tail was gone. They literally bit it off. So we run to start operation shark rescue. After we all tried to catch this shark in the net, this bugger was fast, Dude eventually got him and ran to the other tank to deposit him safely into his new home. (This looked like a scene straight from ER – I kid you not)
So now Mr Bala Shark lives in peace and harmony with snails.
Last night, Dudie starts crying. So we follow the sound ‘cos you can hear that this is a seriously sad cry with snot…. We find him at the tank and he’s crying because that sharks wants to go swim with the other fish. He doesn’t want to be alone. He’s unhappy and distraught and we are trying to explain that his tail was bitten and he needs to recuperate on his own blah blah blah… Then my Dude says, Look! Do you see that his back tail is broken. “Back tail”. Really , I cracked myself and asked so how many tails does a fish have? He just smiled. Don’t you just love how silly one can get when you’re trying to explain something? I must admit, it’s not as funny when I make the mistake…. I’m don’t want to be wrong and I take things way too seriously. But hey, maybe that’s how we balance each other. Or complement one another.
So Dude promised Dudie that they’ll go buy a fish friend for the shark tomorrow. And Dudie was happy tat Mr Shark will have a friend. Alls well that ends well.
Happy Friday Folks.
P.S. This morning Dudie sounded like he was chanting a spell of some sort… When I asked him what he was saying, he responded “Daddy, please can I have my puppy? I want to play with my puppy” I promise I had nothing to do with it and I did not in any way indicate to this child that he will get a puppy today. (We have discussed it way way way before but Dude wa snot keen as we already have dogs.) He practised how he was going to ask his Dad for a puppy???
I alerted Dude, after I dropped Dudie, and Dude responded with a ‘Maybe we get a rabbit for now”???? We’ll see how that goes down with Dudie…
I read this post about Doing it all by Raising Men and it got me thinking about how I think pretend to be superwoman. And whilst superwoman is flying high suddenly she gets hit by some turbulence and crash lands. But she gracefully gets up, dusts herself and takes to the sky again. This process is on repeat in my world. How do I stop it? Do I want to stop it? After much deliberation, I’ve realised that “that” crash landing is my coping mechanism. I quit smoking in January this year and although I’ve been temtped when facing trying times I’ve stuck to my guns and have not smoked again.
My crash landing is generally somewhere between me having a very very FUGLY cry or me sitting alone in the dark after the everyone’s in bed not being able to focus on anything as I have a gazillion things/ideas/plans/voices wreaking havoc in my head. Sometimes I might even have a hissy fit and just let rip (read: throw my toys out the cot and scream at Dude). I really try not to take it out on Dudie but damn it’s tough. With Dudie, I kinda do and say stuff without the usual emotions involved. (True story – as Dude pointed this out to me). It really sad ‘cos I can see him distance himself from me at times.
But as we know nobody is perfect. We all have our flaws. And we all try our best. And our best is all we can give. So with that in mind, if you need to have a cry – cry. Put on some mascara and lipgloss and you’ll be ready to face the world again 🙂
Yesterday, after I missed my bus and then the next bus was delayed and then I git a later train, etc, etc, etc… Still, I got home in record time but my mood was a bit “off”. not sure why but as I walked into to the doorway, Dudie greeted me very enthusiastically with a smile but from a distance. When I approached him he ran off. Everytime I tried to get close to him, he ran off. My heart was torn, a bit. But after him showing me how he can do a tumble(bomme la kisie – for those of you that understand that term) and how the fish and oscar can too, and after telling me about his teacher and who know what else he was mumbling, he eventually let me hug him. And then he came to tell me arms stretched out that he loves me to the end of the earth and back(and then when you get to the word back – we hug). My heart melted and I forgot all about that rejection… By the way this is how I tell him how much I love him, all the time.
He saw Dude wanting to chuck the Ultramel custard and went all “Pleease can I have custard?” We tried to explain that the custard has been in the fridge for a few days, well we don’t really know how long, and we not sure that it’s still edible – He can’t have. Immediately, my light bulb came on, as I realised that I have custard powder in he cupboard. Well , I organised the Dudie, who of course offered to help.
I then made a bread pudding and custard. My kid thinks I’m the greatest as I can make custard 🙂
Exhibit A
exhibit B – My portion
And this is how I went all Martha Stewart on myself. I’m so proud of well I handle the “ups” but I’m not so sure about the “down” period. Luckily, in my opinion, it seems that the recovery period in “down” is so much quicker than before.
P.S. Today’s school drive conversation with Dudie
We drive past a building with animal statues every morning. And it’s the best game ever to spot as many animals as possible. I watch his reaction in my mirror whilst driving ‘cos you know I still need to keep an eye on the road too.
Me: I see the Giraffes
Dudie: I can’t see
<There was a bus driving next to us and I was trying to slow down and not influence the traffic too much but I could see my plan was not working quick enough for him.>
Dudie: The bus needs to go fast. I can’t see!!! I can’t see! Jusses(yes, I know it’s bad to use the lord’s name in vain – but who hasn’t). Come on man!
Me: You know that’s not nice. I know that you’re frustrated but maybe you can express yourself in a different manner.
Dudie: Rolls his eyes at me… Oh my Gosh! Jusses. Come on man!
I nearly pee’d my pants trying not to laugh. This child is not even three. I sent Dude a message about the incident and very politely mentioned that “jusses, Come on man” is his saying…. I’m yet to receive a reply.
P.P.S Let me get on with being super careerwoman now.
SpiritedMama
I have been sitting with some random thought son how to improve our situation at home. Make it “Happier”….
Well After reading a post from the Colouredfulwife, I was reminded that we create our own happiness.
This was my comment to her post:
I too ration myself. I blog and believe me what I blog about is only a fraction of the mishaps in Spiritville. We would all like to have happy perfect homes but what we forget is that we can create it for ourselves. I saw a quote somewhere, “My house was clean, sorry you missed it. We live here” ANd I love it as having a spotless house does not make it a home. Having a students doesn’t mean your kids are happy. Ask me, I used to hide in my books! Enjoy YOUR life…
I consider us to be Christians. Not your average religious christians and I’m sure some people would gasp for air when they realise we actually DO belong to a church, which we attend sporadically. Dude is superstitious. Me not much. He has this thing about feathers. If you find a feather then it means God is present. Well a while ago I found a feather in Dudie’s room and I decided to keep it as I’m so happy that God is present in Dudie’s life. Well yesterday I came across said feather and decided to reposition it so as to not throw it away just yet.
This morning after my normal routine and prayer I thanked God for another day of new chances and tought, even if I never get a feather it’s ok as long as Dude and Dudie are getting them. After I strapped Dudie in I found a small feather on the driver seat. I was super chuffed and thought Thank you God for being in my life too. I repositioned it in the car and went on the usual drive to drop Dudie and then catch my ride. Well, I could not stop thinking about this feather. I concluded that we are going through a rough patch in our lives at the moment. After changing schools, I’m now a frequent traveller with the Gautrain, and well let’s just say our home organisation is a bit all over the place right now. We need to figure out a schedule that works for us.
Well, on my journey to work, I met someone incredible and I think that all of the mornings happenings is a sign of greater things to come. I reminded myself that we do not know what God has planned for us. We are merely playing out our roles. We need to stress less and let God work his magic. Because ultimately, what’s happening now is not ideal according to us but maybe it is according to God.
Spirited Mama
xoxoxo
Ok, maybe you’ve noticed that I’m in a bit of a “challenging space” in my head, it seems. And maybe you haven’t. That too is ok. We’re all human and like John Lennon said “life is what happens when you’re making other plans” or something to that effect. I’ve been pinning things/emotions/ideas/solutions/problems/etc in my head. I’m not kidding, my head is buzzing. Non Stop. I literally wake during the night processing my thoughts…. WTF!
I’ve realised that I’m delusional. I set an alarm to wake 45 mins earlier so as to squeeze in a 30min exercise session. At home. I am not a gym person, so we’ve semi converted my Dude’s lapa into our mini workout area. Trick is that no one has really actively used the workout area since… I can’t even remember when. My Dude has decided that maybe we convert our spare bedroom into our “new” workout area… Great plan! I have all these ideas about making it all funky and stuff. But will we use it? I don’t know… He probably will, I on the other hand will have a million excuses not to 🙂
On that note, I need/want to get into shape. And I’ve decided that Winter 2012 is when I’ll pull myself towards myself and just DO IT! Well, The alarm was set on Sunday evening. Morning morning I snoozed until past the time I needed to get ready for work. Tuesday, same shit different day. Wednesday, well I attempted to lift my lovely Feather Down Duvet off me and quickly decided that tomorrow is another day. Who said you need to start a fitness programme on a Monday? Why can’t it start Thursday….
On the thoughts in my head, I’m getting there. I’m battling with myself and it seems I’m losing the fight. I’ve realised that after a lengthy discussion with a relative, I’ve opened up some wounds. In me. I’m raw. And I’m trying to cover it up. It creeps through. I’m not sure how to deal with it. I’ve been picking up my pieces as I go along my day/days. I’m emotionally tired/ Spiritually drained. Physically, I’m exhausted. But I kick my self under the butt each morning to get going.
I see the change in my behaviour, and I don’t like it. I’m less patient. Less tolerant. Abrupt. Sarcastic. I’m trying to change it. But I don’t handle change well. Why I don’t know. I just don’t.
As if I don’t have enough to deal with, I/we are also looking for a new school for Dudie. He has outgrown his current school. I/we can see that he needs more….
Spirited Mama
Words for Women to Live By
P.S. I’m having a really difficult time at work with my Senior. I seriously need to sit this woman down and tell her to get off her high horse!!!! She has an aura of “Self-importance” that I bet you’ll be blown away by. It.Is. That.Bad….. The Head of Dept just took me out for a coffee ‘cos she said that she can see that I’m going to explode….
P.P.S I got this in am email so have no idea where it stems from. Cheers to the Author!
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