Spirited Mama

Living a SPIRITED life filled with wanderlust, emotions and everything in between

Tag: matters of the heart Page 6 of 7

If only…..

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On September 28, 2012

In About me, Family, Parenting

Have you watched the movie If Only ?I have, several times and I ball my eyes out EVERYTIME! What gets to me is that death is inevitable… At some point, we’re all going to leave this earth. I’m relatively ok with that but the problem/fear that I battle with is the “how” you going to exit this world. Now I realise that this is beyond our control and there is no use in fussing over it but I still have this gnawing feeling about it. My grandfather and I had many many discussions about it. He passed away very peacefully in his sleep in 1997… And I still miss him dearly. I can still hear his voice and I can still see his smile….

This morning, I had a brief yet pulling-my-heart-strings conversation with one of my Aunts., on my Mom’s side of the family. My Mom is one of six children, 5 girls and the youngest a son. She is the second born. Now, both my mom and the eldest daughter, I don’t really have much of a bond with but the other three daughters (my Aunts) – well let’s just say that when you see us together you will know that we are family. Aunt T is so excited ‘cos her eldest and only daughter is getting married in April 2013. They are going dress shopping. And basically, she can’t wait for her own grankids. She treats Dudie like he’s her grandchild. Love her for that. Well, now that I think about it, all three Aunts treat Dudie like he’s their grandchild. Love you all.

I mentioned to her how I’ve always envied the relationship she had with her daughter. And then she reiterated that I have and always will hold a special place in her heart. (Total snotty cry moment on the train and I forgot my sunglasses in the car) Fact of the matter is that she makes no secret of it that “HER KIDS, all 3 of them, are her LIFE” and I relate ‘cos that’s just how I feel about Dudie. What gets to me though is that that i snot the message that I got from my Mom. We have a touch and go relationship. The entire family knows the situation. I’m not angry or upset…. I’m disappointed. How do you not want to ensure that your child knows that he/she is loved, protected, cared for, etc.

I miss my family. We don’t see each other often. We live in Pretoria. They live in Cape Town. Solution would be to move to Cape Town but that brings on a whole other can of worms…. As Dude stated earlier this week, we’re just settling in to GP now, after we’ve been here for 10 and 9 yrs respectively…

This brings me to my dilemma that I’ve been facing for almost 4 yrs years now(I’m including my pregnancy) – How to balance everything. Being a successful career woman and having a happy fulfilling family life.

NB! This is MY opinion.

Something’s gotta give. You can not do both. At some stage one or the other will take a back seat. Even if it’s temporary. I guess what I’m trying to say is that we all make our choices. And we really don’t need to justify them to anyone. It is YOUR choice afterall.

Since I knew I was to become a mother, I did some serious soul searching. Dude was of the notion that I stay at home with baby until he goes to school(roughly 7yrs). Now, as much as I enjoy my home time with Dudie, I am NOT stay at home mom material (SAHM). I will lose my shit! I enjoy working and interacting with my colleagues. I need to feel like I’m making a difference and that I’m worth something. Hats off to all SAHM but it’s just not me. But, I don’t think that I need to spend 8 hours a day away from my Dudie either. I was of the notion that Dudie will need me more when he starts “big” school. So I’ll have to work my way to a more flexi/part time JOB later.

Well, this thought has been hovering again. As Dudie approaches 3yrs, I’m more inclined to look at alternate options of employment. I have no idea where to start looking? Or what I’m looking for? But I do know that currently, I’m too attached too my salary…. The thought of giving up my financial independence scares the hibbygeebees out of me! So if anyone has any ideas on how I can free up some time, please feel free to share…

So, I’m playing the lotto this weekend. I just might have a blog post next week that’ll blow you away.

Happy Friday

Spirited Mama

Who’s eating who?

By

On September 11, 2012

In About me, emotions

Recently, I have read a few blogs that I found rather disturbing. Some people were thrashing bloggers. Some were feeling sorry for themselves (re: I’m currently in that groove too) and some were just not there optimistic selfs….

Why do we seek approval from others? We are our own worst enemies. Society dictates what a real:

1. Mom is

2. Wife is

3. Friend

4. Blogger

Etc etc etc…. My list is endless. When I only have one point to make, “I can only do my best!” It might not be ideal or conform to the “norms” of society but it’s what I can give. If you like me, then like me. If you don’t then so be it.

So as I sit here and try and pull myself towards myself, I say keep your head high! You matter to someone! Smile and breathe…..

Tis the season to be jolly?

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On August 12, 2012

In emotions, Parenting, Time out

So some of you might know that we experienced real proper snow on Tuesday, last week. Ok, I’m sure the whole world knows but I was so beside myself that it actually snowed in Gauteng! Real snow, not lit bits of frost on your car or grass but real ass snow. I thought it was freakin Christmas. Well, it was close. It definitely felt like a time to be jolly.

When I got home, the first thing Dudie told me was “Mama, I saw the snow” with th biggest smile ever. Dude & I were fortunate to have experienced snow before as we’ve travelled to Switzerland. We’re now more set on taking Dudie to Switzerland. I was as excited as my Dudie when he realises that breakfast is chocolate and flings! Oh and milktart!  I kid you not, that’s what we had for breakfast on Saturday. Not sure why though, but it was all good. On and we washed it down with some cream soda. I can see some parents rolling their eyes but really have you never ever given your child junk non-nutritional food as a meal? Never ever?

Why are we as “mothers” so hell bent on feeding our kids nutritional meals when the “dads” just wing it? Why are we as mothers so hell bent on routines when dads just wing it? Why are we as mothers so set on discipline when dads just wing it? And why are we as mothers always wanting to protect/cushion or children when dads let them take a chance? This is my opinion and shoot me for generalising but in my world “mothers” just do these things. Looking in, it seems that the dads have the easy way out. Let me make an example, Dudie will ask for his dad but I will cover and make excuses for Dude as I know that he might be busy. But if Dudie requests my presence, Dude will call me immediately without batting an eyelash. I’ve asked myself a million times, and I guess I’m just a sucker for punishment but why do I feel that I have to do everything? If I don’t put in lunch no one gets lunch or if we do it’s thrown together, literally. I like structure. I don’t like my food touching. I have explained that I would really like to receive a packed lunch, the way I do it. With mini treats and surprises but I’ve given up on that pipe dream. I guess Woolworths is the only one giving me a pretty packed lunch…

Back to my point, as mothers we are very hard on ourselves. Why? I guess because I want to give Dudie the best of what I have to offer. To be a better parent than my mother was. To make sure that I raise a good young man. My best is all I’ve got. But I try. And it seems that each day I push myself a little harder. A little further.

Somedays, I just need a time out. I often sit and wonder what I did for the day, then I recall, oh, you cooked/cleaned/did the washing,/made the beds/laughed at joke/ lent an ear when there were important things to discuss/crammed some studying/picked up legos for the millionth time/the list can go on and on…. Somedays it just feels meaningless. That my life has no real purpose. That I’m not making a difference. That I’m just here……………

I too am important. And I do have a purpose. I just need to figure out what that actually is. Maybe it’s being a mother/wife/friend/confidant? Who knows? I know that Dudie seems to think that I mean the world to him. And for now that’s all that matters.

 

My Bonny lies over the ocean….

By

On August 12, 2012

In About me, Dudie, emotions

Hi I’m SpiritedMama and I’ve been having a really hard time surviving LIFE! Life has been extreme lately. Extreme highs and some very low lows… From my last post I was suppose to give you a breakdown of the adventures of Spiritville. So let’s recap and see where we end up today.

<I said that I would not get into/onto social media at home but hey tomorrow’s Monday and a whole new adventure awaits.>

In bullet form:

  • I’ve been looking wanting to find a new school for Dudie for next year but after a few minor incidents and me no longer trusting the Principal/owner I removed Dudie from his school without even batting my eyelids. I took two days leave. Day 1, I had a meeting with his previous teacher and principal, sorted out a few issues and withdrew my child from that school directly after our meeting. Contractually, we are bound to serve a month’s notice but I’d rather pay them and not leave my child there for another month. It just makes me uncomfortable. The “what ifs”. It’s like serving notice at your workplace. We know you’re just killing time and not really doing anything constructive.
  • Day 2, I enrolled Dudie into his new school and he started immediately. He loved it and still does. His teacher says that he has adapted so well and if you looked at him you’d think he’s been there for years 🙂 I love how sociable he is and almost simultaneously he could be very shy if he wanted to be….
  • On the work front, I now face a dilemma,as I can only drop Dudie off 30 minutes later than what I used to and the traffic is just killing me right now. I can either change my working hours, which in turn messes with my swimming schedule for Dudie or I can take a pay cut and work less hours. I’m still weighing up the options, as I’m one of those peeps who feels that money is not the be all and end all….
  • On the home front, taken some time out from work and Dudie adjusting to his new school gave me some time to reorganise our home. I started staining Dudie’s chest of drawers. I repainted our street number, as the idiot who did it never came back to fix it. I did some artwork on the walls. And I repacked some cupoards. Needless to say, I was exhausted after doing everything in a couple of hours but it felt good to let go…. And just clean/declutter/beautify/reorganise…
  • So with Dudie being in a new school and me getting to work later everyday, it’s been a bit hectic. The to add that Dude and I have not been in the greatest of spaces either. There’s nothing wrong it’s just that we’re just not in synce with one another right now….  And it’s not an easy situation to be in.
  • I need support right now and maybe a few drinks………………….

That’s it for now. Catch you on the sane side!

Spirited Mama

P.S. Lately Dudie has requested that I do his bed time drill, i.e. lie down with him for a bit. I’m loving it! We cuddle and hugs and laugh in the dark until I put on my stern voice and tell him it’s way past bedtime and that he needs to sleep. He then curls his hand around my neck and says Mama, you love me! My heart melts everytime. Lately, he has been calling me Mama again. Not sure why. He did it for while then he reverted back to Mommy but now it’s Mama again.

P.P.S. Apart from everything else, I’m prepping for exams too. As I write this post I still need to read two chapters in my prescribed book. I don’t even know when last I even read a book for my leisure.

 

When Life happens

By

On July 18, 2012

In About me, emotions

Life lately

Ok, maybe you’ve noticed that I’m in a bit of a “challenging space” in my head, it seems. And maybe you haven’t. That too is ok. We’re all human and like John Lennon said “life is what happens when you’re making other plans” or something to that effect. I’ve been pinning things/emotions/ideas/solutions/problems/etc in my head. I’m not kidding, my head is buzzing. Non Stop. I literally wake during the night processing my thoughts…. WTF!

I’ve realised that I’m delusional. I set an alarm to wake 45 mins earlier so as to squeeze in a 30min exercise session. At home. I am not a gym person, so we’ve semi converted my Dude’s lapa into our mini workout area. Trick is that no one has really actively used the workout area since… I can’t even remember when. My Dude has decided that maybe we convert our spare bedroom into our “new” workout area… Great plan! I have all these ideas about making it all funky and stuff. But will we use it? I don’t know… He probably will, I on the other hand will have a million excuses not to 🙂

Life happens

On that note, I need/want to get into shape. And I’ve decided that Winter 2012 is when I’ll pull myself towards myself and just DO IT! Well, The alarm was set on Sunday evening. Morning morning I snoozed until past the time I needed to get ready for work. Tuesday, same shit different day. Wednesday, well I attempted to lift my lovely Feather Down Duvet off me and quickly decided that tomorrow is another day. Who said you need to start a fitness programme on a Monday? Why can’t it start Thursday….

I still hear voices

On the thoughts in my head, I’m getting there. I’m battling with myself and it seems I’m losing the fight. I’ve realised that after a lengthy discussion with a relative, I’ve opened up some wounds. In me. I’m raw. And I’m trying to cover it up. It creeps through. I’m not sure how to deal with it. I’ve been picking up my pieces as I go along my day/days. I’m emotionally tired/ Spiritually drained. Physically, I’m exhausted.  But I kick my self under the butt each morning to get going.

I see the change in my behaviour, and I don’t like it. I’m less patient. Less tolerant. Abrupt. Sarcastic. I’m trying to change it. But I don’t handle change well. Why I don’t know. I just don’t.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As if I don’t have enough to deal with, I/we are also looking for a new school for Dudie. He has outgrown his current school. I/we can see that he needs more….

Spirited Mama

Ta DA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

By

On July 9, 2012

In About me, Marriage, Parenting

 I am trying to get myself out of somewhat of a “bad” space. It’s mostly in my head but it’s there none the less. <I’m not my usual “happy camper” self and the effects are rubbing off onto my family. Trouble is, I just couldn’t put a finger on it and say “Ta Da! That’s what’s wrong or needs fixing.>

I’ve decided that for the sake of the greater good maybe I should just abstain from blogging as my equilibrium was/is shifting. And I really did not want to rant/vent here.

 

I’ve been finding it a tad bit difficult to see that light at the end of the tunnel. But let me assure myself that I see a faint one none the less. And I think that with perseverance and hard work, I just might get closer and closer to that light. Mommy.ville has been challenging as Dudie challenges me around each and every corner. I very rarely give a pat on the bum/hand as I prefer the “1-2-3 time-out” method.  This was going swimmingly until recently. When I start with 1, he says 2-3 and then waits for my response. My response now is 1 – get the chair and put in time-out. I don’t even get to 2.

Wife.ville has been challenging. Dude is feeling neglected. He doesn’t feel the sense of “belonging”. I get that. And I’ve taken stock as to how/where tis happens. Oh my Gloria, it happens so easily. I get on with “my stuff” without him. And I feel less guilty when he’s working on a weekend as I then have justification for my behaviour. I’m trotting into dangerous territory here, as we had a very blunt argument/venting discussion about it.  I’m numb to the core. Part of me wants to be a stubborn biatch and tell him to go fck himself but when I think about how I feel about him, I’m seriously not willing to part ways with him. I really need to work at my marriage!

Work has been work. Filled with mundane tasks yet also I feel that my cup desk runneth over with admin. I’m yet to sort out some crap with some people.

 I’ve assessed my situation, and it’s pretty fcked up. If you walked in my front door tomorrow, you’d think that we were a well balanced household. I’m a crafty wife too. But on the back burner, if you stayed awhile and paid attention, you’d see that I’m actually finding it extremely difficult to balance life/marriage/mommy.ville/work/etc….

 Something’s gotta give. And for a while it’s been work. And my Dude. I need to fix this. Work can stay exactly where it is. But I need to fix my relationship with Dude.

 <We’ve been existing in the same house. How is that even possible? Just putting these thoughts out is making me emotional again. I don’t want to exist. I want to live!>

Why God made Mums!!!!

By

On June 22, 2012

In Kids stuff, Parenting

I received this from a friend. I’m not sure who to credit for this. So, whoever you are – Cheers to you!

WHY GOD MADE MUMS

Answers given by second year school children to the following questions:

Why did God make mothers?

1.    She’s the only one who knows where the selotape is.

2.   Mostly to clean the house.

3.    To help us out of there when we were getting born..

How did God make mothers?

1.    He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.

2.   Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.

3.    God made my mum just the same like he made me.

He just used bigger parts.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other mum?

1.    We’re related.

2.   God knew she likes me a lot more than other people’s mum like me.

What kind of a little girl was your mum?

1.    My mum has always been my mum and none of that other stuff.

2.   I don’t know because I wasn’t there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.

3.    They say she used to be nice.


What did mum need to know about dad before she married him?

1.    His last name.

2.   She had to know his background.

Like is he a crook?

Does he get drunk on beer?

3.    Does he make at least one million a year?

Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your mum marry your dad?

1.    My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my mum eats a lot.

2.   She got too old to do anything else with him.

3.    My grandma says that mum didn’t have her thinking cap on.

Who’s the boss at your house?

1.    Mum doesn’t want to be boss, but she has to because dad’s such an idiot.

2.   Mum.

You can tell by room inspection.

She sees the stuff under the bed.

3.    I guess mum is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

What’s the difference between mums and dads?

1.    Mums work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.

2.   Mums know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.

3.    Dads are taller and stronger, but mums have all the real power ’cause that’s who you have to ask if you want to sleep over at your friends.

4.   Mums have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.

What does your mum do in her spare time?

1.    Mothers don’t do spare time.

2.   To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your mum perfect?

1.    On the inside she’s already perfect.

Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.

2. Diet.

You know, her hair. I’d diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your mum, what would it be?

1.    She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean.

I’d get rid of that.

2. I’d make my mum smarter.

Then she would know it was my sister who did it not me.

3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.

PRICELESS!!!

Spirited Mama

To Infinity and Beyond…

By

On May 22, 2012

In emotions, LOVE, Parenting

For a while I’ve been toying with the idea of doing a “Bucket List”. I’m a professional procrastinator… So after A LOT of consideration, and reading the last post from Kelle Hampton’s Blog “Enjoying the Small Things” I decided to break it down into smaller chunks. Rather than having a long list and weekly list seems more doable.

I’ve made a conscious decision to try and see the positive in each situation. <IF you read my first post, it seems all doom and gloom. And let’s not forget the issues that I have with my Mom. That’ll probably never change. But I’ve made peace with it. And I choose to see the positive! I choose HAPPY! I choose LIFE!>

I have a son and for what it’s worth I will try my very best not to let him experience the hurt/sadness/disappointment/trauma that I faced growing up. I consciously choose to do thing s for him and with him. I want to create happy memories for him. <Now, I’m not saying that growing up was all bad but I remember mostly negative things – Maybe this is all my brain processed???And I’ve blocked out the rest?>

I try to soak up my son every chance I get.  I want to remember him. I want him to remember me. And our moments together. <I feel that I need to find a way to incorporate Dude as we have kinda left him out of many of our bonding sessions. But Dude has his own sessions with Dudie.>

Life is too short to be stressing about things that are beyond my control. <On Mother’s day my dude told me How he noticed the difference in me. A positive shift in my being… That was the nicest thing that he could have told me as I felt happier, was more relaxed but couldn’t pin it for some reason. And then it struck me… I a while ago I told myself that I need to enjoy the “Here and Now” and just enjoy the small things. Those are the things that matter!>

This morning at 12:05 am Dudie came to sleep in our bed. We were uncomfortable and cold, as Dudie doesn’t like to be covered but we didn’t care. We bonded as a family. So with stiff bodies we rose to this beautiful day. Amongst our morning chaos and Dudie trying to snuggle with Dude so that I can’t take him to school, we still managed to leave the house 15minutes earlier than usual! I still have no idea how we did that! So as I pull out the driveway with an unhappy 2yr old telling me that he doesn’t want to go to school anymore and that Mommy must take care of him… My heart broke. Am I doing my child an injustice by working full time? I am an independent woman. I need want need to work. Maybe I just need to find a JOB that only requires my attention for a few hours… But how? I had all these thoughts racing through my head… And then I decided, I’ve changed our world by enjoying the small things and by creating time for us. Let  me not stop now… So I did it.

We went to McDonalds drive thru and ordered a Sausage McMuffin to share… Dudie had his Milo and I had my coffee and off we went to school. The look on my child’s face when we got out food from the drive thru was unbelievable. You’d swear someone handed me a bag of diamonds or cash!!! We arrived at school. I parked in the bay, looked at my watch and decided fck this, I’ll leave when Dudie is done eating. I’ll get to work when I get there. We sat in his classroom, on little red chairs at the green table. Drinking our coffee and sharing a McMuffin. All whilst Dudie pointed out the pictures and objects on the wall. That right there was where my heart burst with love and joy. That was Priceless!!!!!

 P.S. I was going to do a Bucket List post but I got carried away here. So I’ll do the list in the next post…

 

Ciao

Blowing bubbles

By

On May 18, 2012

In Dudie, emotions, Parenting

So update on the frog and it’s going swimmingly. Remember he has two different instructors, the guy on Tuesdays and the girl on Thursdays… Well, it’s really great to see how this frog is progressing. If you want to, you can read about the frog here.

Last nite we had the girl instructor and albeit she’s happy with his progress and all that, she feels that the Dudie needs to practice blowing bubbles at home. I responded with “ But he does. And he’s so proud of himself. And shows off this skill in the bath and all” Well, she said maybe he’s just shy around her…

This left me thinking;

Do I just let him take lessons with the guy? They seem to get on very well. Kindred spirits and all. Or do I try just once more with the girl?

I think I’ll try once more. But then make my final decision. <Even the Dude feels we need to try once more>

We got home a little earlier than usual; our lesson was moved up as someone didn’t pitch. We ate left over Lasagne and shared some Nesquick… I gave him his bath and we polished brushed his teeth.  We then proceeded to his room where I tried to dress him but tonight this task was not smooth sailing… Dudie kept jumping up and down, trying to wiggle off the bed, anything to just not get dressed… The air was filled with laughter… And Dude making home videos. Then Dudie asked me to lie there with him. I soaked you up, albeit my tolerance level was low and my patience running out. I tried to focus on the “happy”. I filed your smiling happy face in my memory box, forever to treasure…

We played hide and seek under the covers and eventually we just fell asleep. Well not before you poked my nose, and pulled my ears and played with my hair and opening my eyes and telling me “Wake up, Mamma…” You haven’t called me Mamma in forever. And I loved it.

I need to remember to focus on the “happy”, the “here and now”….

Xoxoxox

P.S. My brother is almost ten years younger than me. He had a nesquick addiction, like I think I have and Dudie is developing… My brother uses to call Nesquick,… BUNNY! He always wanted BUNNY!

Whilst you were celebrating Mothers on Mother’s Day…

By

On May 15, 2012

In About me, emotions

I didn’t celebrate MY mother!

I did celebrate Mother’s Day though, as I am a mother too. My Dude and Dudie spoilt me. It was relaxed and chilled. We had such a nice day, just the 3 of us…

Back to my mother. When I say that I have issues with my mother, it’s an understatement. Currently, we don’t even have normal conversations. Let me give you an example:

Me: Hello

Her: Hi, how are you?

Me: Good <Sometimes I ask how she’s doing>

Her: How’s Dudie?

Me: He’s fine

Her: Can I talk to him, please?

Me: This response varies according to Dudie’s schedule…

  1. Ok, hold
  2. He doesn’t want to talk right now
  3. HE ran off
  4. He’s busy with his Dad

And that’s more or less it. But coming back to why I did not even call her… A few weeks ago we were in Cape Town.  Now, I haven’t been to their (my parents) house in a long time… <That’s another story! Ai, so many stories…> and this trip was no different.

And here’s why I didn’t celebrate MY mother

I called and told her that we’ll be in Cape Town, gave her our itinerary and pointed out when and where it would be suitable to see the Dudie. On the Sunday, when they were suppose to come see him, she called to say that it’s too far to drive???? WTF? If you want to see him, you’ll come to him.

<I know all about the “But why don’t you take Dudie to them? Or “It’s your mom, you’re the child… Yada yada bullshit! I’ve bent over in all directions. I’m done. I can’t live like that.>

On Monday, we couldn’t get a flight home so we decided to drive 100km’s to visit strategic family members. We were within 5km’s of her, and then she calls my brother (we were oohing and aahing over his daughter at the time) that they going to overnight somewhere. This venue is probably 200kms from them, but it’s too far to drive to see your grandson!

And that, Ladies & Gentlemen, was the straw that broke the camel’s back!

Up until now, she doesn’t know that we were with my brother.  And this is how my life with MY Mother goes… I’ve set my boundaries and I’ve stuck to them. And I can honestly say that the rest of my family has noticed a change in my behaviour, for the better. I am happier and not half as moody. I’m more relaxed and I’m enjoying the small things in life… <Thanks Kelle Hampton for an awesome blog>

I’m taking it one day at a time. It’s difficult to tell myself that somethings are just not worth worrying/stressing about.  There’s nothing I can do to change them. Accept it. And move on.

I am so blessed. And I choose to look at the positives. Thank you to everyone who’s in my life right now.

To all of the Moms out there- Hope you had a Fab Mother’s Day!

Spirited Mama

P.S. I’m blessed to have many mothers in my life, albeit they’re non-maternal.

P.P.S I had this recurring thought on Sunday – “Just because you birthed me doesn’t mean that you’re job is done. Being a mother is forever…” – Spirited Mama

I think the thing that hurt me the most is the fact that she chooses her husband (yes, he is my biological father but that’s as far as the connection goes) or work over her kids (my brother & I). My brother is in his final year of studies and can’t wait to move out on his own.

I am always in awe of mom/daughter relationships as I do not know what that’s like BUT I have other moms/friends/family that fill that void in my life….

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