Spirited Mama

Living a SPIRITED life filled with wanderlust, emotions and everything in between


Cancer was the reason I never ate birthday cake yet

Cancer took over

Little did I know the magnitude of emotions that the past few weeks had in store. Dude planned a getaway to Cape Town for us. Among all the schedules, we had planned on visiting my aunt, she was more like my big sister though. She was diagnosed with Cancer in 2104. She underwent a mastectomy and received aggressive treatment and was given the all clear in 2015. As a family, we exhaled. She was in remission. Then… earlier this year, the cancer was back and even more aggressive than before. The plan was to spend part of my birthday, 19 October, with her…

Cancer is not new to us But it’s not something one can ever get used to. I wrote about When Cancer happens in our family. In September, I hopped on a plane to spend the day with my big sister/aunt. Although very few words were said, in her fragile state, I still had the best time with her.

I never ate birthday cake yet

On my birthday, I got a call from my cousins, aunt’s kids… you need to come see mom… we got there and I was so numb seeing her like that. She knew I was there, she even held my hand. No words were spoken as I just had NOTHING… My heart was broken as I knew what was inevitable.

Sadly, she passed away on Saturday, 20 October. The day after my birthday. My heart is shattered. The past few days have been a roller coaster of emotions. But Wednesday, after she had passed, was hard. As I left my office, I had Mamma on my mind. I wrote about her here and a few other places too. When I turned on the ignition in the car, at that exact moment the radio played “Home” by Michael Bublé.

In that moment, I couldn’t hold it together, I broke. But my heart was also filled with JOY. When Mamma passed it was this song, but sung by Ruben Studdard, that ripped through me. So when I heard the original song by Michael Bublé, I knew Esmé had gone home to be with Mamma…

She was laid to rest on Saturday, 27 October. Only 3 rows behind Mamma…

Rest in Peace my Esmé ❤ I miss you more than words could ever say. I miss our late night chats and our hour long conversations in the afternoons as I cooked/went out to run errands/run after the kids at home. I miss waking up to your messages as I fell asleep during our chats.

You put up one helluva fight!


Spirited Mama


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  1. So sorry for your loss. Amazing how songs on the radio come at these times to help us through. Thinking and praying for you and your family. ⚘

    • spiritedmama1

      Thank you Heather xx. Music is a big part of me and ironically, I have particular songs linked to certain deaths in my family.

  2. So sorry for your loss. Cancer is not new to family either – I have lost many family members and friends to cancer. This year alone I lost 2 close friends to cancer. All the best and strongs during this difficult time.

    • spiritedmama1

      Thank you Noleen x. Hugs. Losing someone, no matter the reason, is never easy. I find it incredible as more and more people are diagnosed and pass away because of Cancer. It’s almost a “norm” without sounding offensive…

  3. Tidi Esther

    I am sorry for your loss, may God strengthen and heal you.
    Although I do not know the pain Cancer causes as I am not so familiar with it around our family BUT loosing loved ones is really painful. You are not alone, we carry you in our prayers. Thank you for also teaching someone like me what cancer is like, I am learning everyday.

    • spiritedmama1

      Thank you Tidi. I’m glad that you can get some value out of this. Perhaps, I should do a follow up on this…

  4. My sincere condolences to you and your family.

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