Spirited Mama

YOU have got to take in the BAD to experience the GOOD

Tag: Shit I do (Page 1 of 4)

The hours in my day

Hello, in this little Spirited Family, if you have read some of my posts, nothing is uneventful. Sometimes, I wonder if what is actually happening is real or a dream. By golly, I sometimes sit and reflect on our life and literally end up laughing out loud at some of the shit that happens. This family can be funny….but we are a herd and we love each other. That’s all that matters…

The hours

I’ve been MIA because life has been CRAY CRAY… me getting back to work after maternity leave, Troll starting at his daycare, me getting into a routine with the school run for 2 kids. WHOA! Who knew adding 1 little person can rock the boat that much. For most of it, we have fun in the mornings, even when I’m freaking out that we are running late. Some mornings it’s a screaming match. Some mornings we look like the Brady bunch.

But here’s a rundown of the day before I started working again:

The day started off fairly well. Dudie didn’t have too many issues getting up or getting ready for school. Dude sends me a message “Enjoy your last day at home”. I have been taking Troll to his daycare every morning for a week to get used to his new environment too. I generally sit in the office and watch him on the monitors fro an hour of so. Then we leave for home. After the school run, I dash back to Dudie’s school to buy books on his wishlist from the Travelling Bookshop. (I never carry cash so I had to go swipe my card myself – imagine me giving Dudie all that cash – Uhm I think NOT!). Then my Aunt calls to say they are in the city for a few hours, can we have a quick visit? I say sure but I have a few errands and will call when I’m home. Then Troll decides to be miserable and make a monster poop. I quickly calculate and decide we are only 5 km’s from home, let’s go home.

How do the hours in a day go by so quickly?

At home, I change Troll and give him a solid feed. I make myself a warm steaming cup of coffee. One of our dogs seems to think she is a cat. So the cat decided to become Houdini, and jumped the wall or escaped somehow… Troll decides to make an explosive poop AGAIN! I change him, and voila as I pick him up he vomits all over both of us. So I change him and myself… My phone keeps ringing. It’s the neighbour to tell me the dog is casually lying outside in front of their gate…WTF? How did she get there? I rush outside to take her back in. Give her a stern scolding and let it be.

Troll decides to nap and I think, fuck it, let me enjoy this coffee. Then the estate agent calls, she has a potential tenant for us but urgently needs the key to the flat. So I say ok I will bring the key in a bit. By now, it’s 11am and I now need to race all the way to the other end of Pretoria and drop the keys and then race back for Dudie’s pickup. Then I remembered I needed stuff for Troll. I pack up the sleeping baby and stop at Clicks. OMG!!!! This Clicks is becoming notorious for the lack of “efficient” customer service in the checkout queue. I’m not even kidding. They are by far the slowest I have ever seen.  Whether it is busy or not, they will work at the same snail pace as they usually do. Eventually, I am out of there and hitting the road. Why is it that when you are in a hurry seems everyone else is on a “go slow”?

I make it to the estate agent in record time. I didn’t even switch the car off. I just gave her the keys outside the estate. LOKL. Back in the car – thankfully Troll is sleeping through ALL of this. I rush to meet my family. I managed to hug and greet properly and down a Chai Latté in a few minutes. Ticked that off my list, now to rush to pick up Dudie. On route, I decide to pop a chocolate eclair sweet in my mouth. Now, this is NOT a sweet that you can eat very fast. I get to school and damn this sweet is still in my mouth. As I approach the gate, the teacher wants to talk to me and I can’t open my mouth as the damn sweet is now stuck between my top and bottom back molars… As I try to speak I have drool dripping on the side of my mouth. Thankfully, I just raised the baby to my right cheek and avoided a very embarrassing situation. As I collect Dudie, he announces that he needs to go back for his water bottles. I’m thinking of chaining the damn thing to him, as lately he just seems very blasé about its whereabouts…Well until I ask about it.

What’s another hour in my day…

One more stop. We arrive at swimming school. Dudie has his lesson and I drift off whilst the other moms ooh and aah over Troll in the waiting area. Back in the car, I cover Troll with his warm blanket and tell Dudie to wrap himself with ALL his clothes. I put the aircon on full blast just so that I can stay awake whilst driving home.

I told Dude that if I am passed out by the time he gets home; it’s because I have had 25 days worth of crazy in one day.

Some days I have this all sorted and some days…well it’s all CRAY CRAY.

Spirited Mama

P.S. Dudie tells me, “Mom if you don’t want to smell like the baby’s vomit just wash with soap and water”. Me: Thanks my child, I’ll remember that…

 

Dinner conversations

We are fortunate in the Spirited household that I work half day. Dudie and I get home anywhere between 13:00 – 15:00, depending on the extra mural activities for the day. EXCEPT on Fridays. We do not compromise our FRIDAY! We have no extra murals and all shopping excursions is left for any day of the week EXCEPT Friday!

Granted Dudie and I are home early during the day and generally Dude is home by 16:00 everyday. We get to have to have a family dinner roughly 18:00 -18:30, you know those ones we see on TV and think fcuk how do they eat that early everyday…well half day JOB = early family dinner time

Dinner conversations in our house

Our dinner time conversations are roughly about catching up on each other’s day and reminding one another to look at our “schedules” on the board. I am OCD with schedules and lists…I don’t like MAJOR surprises or curveballs. I like to plan and know what’s happening. On most nights this is how it goes…

(This is how it plays off in Dude’s mind)

Me: blah blah blah…so the other kid at swimming blah

Dudie: (interrupts whilst I am still talking) Daddy can I tell you something? Blah blah Blah

Dude: Stares blankly and says WHOA one at a time.

My Dude basically has a hissy fit because we are talking simultaneously. Well let me just add that Dudie sometimes forget to wait until someone is done speaking before going off on a tangent with his own story. That boy will sometimes ask and answer the very question he has just posed to you.

I want to die everytime I have to repeat myself cos who listens to the mom/wife anyway? Dude is so guilty of this. he will literally look me in the eye and “listen” but 5 minutes later asked me  to repeat what I said cos he didn’t hear me….

Conversations filled with fun and laughter

Our dinner conversations are filled with fun and laughter but sometimes we prefer to have some quiet time too. But the other night the boys were cracking jokes. I moaned  the resident alien is super busy and kicking the daylights out of me. Dudie comes to check and gets a kick on the hand. I said every time the resident alien moves I poke him. Dudie pipes up: So poke him! I snort laughed and sprayed them and the spinach rolls with coffee….which was in my mouth. I did apologise because being pregnant I constantly need to pee and a laugh/sneeze can make me pee my pants #pregnancyjoys Unfortunately for them I sprayed the coffee, fortunately for me I managed to hold my pee.

Oh and NO, there is still NO baby. This boy is making keeping us in suspense. Last week Wednesday, Dr was convinced things are happening, I.e. My cervix is softening and I was 1-2cm dialated. yesterday I walked around at Monte Casino. BUT NOTHING!!!

I will see the Dr later today and we will figure out what is happening with this boy.

Spirited Mama

x

Who wants to be a Millionaire?

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If PROCRASTINATING was a job I would be a millionaire. No kidding. I am AMAZING at it! I am also AMAZING at working under pressure and to strict deadlines. Today, my brain feels bleh, yet I have so many things that I can say or talk about. I am just not finding the right words to express myself.

I am trying to tidy up my office and get my admin on track because soon I will be going on maternity leave and I would really like to let to let the temp start on a clean fresh slate. And hopefully that temp will reciprocate…. when I am due to return to work.

I have loads of personal admin to sort out too. I still have to organise the resident alien’s nursery. I still haven’t packed our hospital bags @ 32 weeks pregnant (hyperventilating here…) I am having more and more Braxton hicks. And by golly some of it is getting intense. Also, we are doing minor revamps and touch ups at home. And just for the fun of it, we still haven’t figure out what we are doing for Christmas.

So just for today I am taking the day off. I am cutting myself some slack and pretending that I am a millionaire today! I can literally feel myself winding down as it is that time of the year to wind down, reflect on what has been, create some festive memories and start afresh with a renewed outlook on life.

Spirited Mama

What to expect during a “Brain EEG”

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Have you ever had a brain EEG?

No, not a brain egg…but a brain EEG.

An electroencephalogram (EEG) is a test used to detect abnormalities related to electrical activity of the brain. This procedure tracks and records brain wave patterns. Small metal discs with thin wires (electrodes) are placed on the scalp, and then send signals to a computer to record the results. Normal electrical activity in the brain makes a recognizable pattern. Through an EEG, doctors can look for abnormal patterns that indicate seizures and other problems. http://kidshealth.org/en/parents/eeg.html

A few weeks ago I had one. I had the weirdest symptoms, we put it down to being pregnancy related, and my doctor decided to schedule an EEG. This was my first time and I had absolutely no idea what to expect, I didn’t have time to google prior to having the EEG. (I know that I shouldn’t google medical procedures BUT I just can’t help myself. I like to be prepared…Someday I will tell you about other medical procedures I had done – thankfully I only googled it AFTER the surgery otherwise they would have had to put me in a straight jacket to perform that surgery)

Do you remember that scene from the movie Hannibal – where the guy eats his own brain?

Well, that was the only thought I had whilst this EEG was performed. I wondered if the doctor could detect what I was thinking or feeling. Perhaps he did cos he just kept looking at me strangely. I felt as if the doctor was about to serve me a slice of my brain on a side plate. But alas, it is a painless exercise. All I felt was the cold gel in my hair and on my scalp and having dozens of electrodes stuck to my head everywhere.

It is quite fascinating and scary at the same time. What if they detect abnormalities? What if they find that I have lost some of my marbles? BUT I am happy to report that all is well and normal with my brain function. Albeit that it might not always seem that way, I can assure you my brain is functioning normally. Medical technology is so advanced, thankfully. So many conditions can be treated way before they become too serious.

Have you ever had a Brain EEG? What was the weirdest medical procedure you have ever had? If they could detect your thoughts – what would they find?

It’s Friday! Let’s take a moment to breathe and go bonkers ‘cos it’s the WEEKEND BABY!!!! Being 31 weeks pregnant just the thought of sleeping late, or rather lying in bed without getting up for work gets me excited.

Spirited Mama

Work work work work….

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Rihanna’s “Work, work, work, work…” could literally be my meme today…

Work…enough said

It has been a really challenging Monday. From the time I walked into my office at 7:45 right up until I left now. I have barely had time to pee, that’s how intense it has been in my office. I was planning on working a little longer but my NEED for food right now has been so excruciating that I just packed up and left. I have eaten all my snack bires, fruit and cranberries. There is literally nothing left in my drawer😆 (Note to self-replace snacks at work).

I am beyond tired. I really want to catch up on series but also read my book. Never,ind the fact that I have draft blog posts hanging in mid air and another exam on friday.

I am waiting for Dudie to finish his Golf lesson so that we can literally just go veg out at home. The bonus is Dude is home already and busy cooking supper.

It’s going to be an early night for the Spirited household. Let’s hope Tuesday is kinder to me… can the holidays come already…..

Spirited Mama

P.S. I could eat supper now and just go to bed already.

WTStikeez….

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I can’t believe Stikeez are back to haunt me. #Pnp and #Stikeez2 you are killing me… I can’t handle it. I was impressed #Pnp when you brought out your animal sound cards because hell at least it was informative. And Dudie soon forgot about his rubbery Stikeez that I needed to account for daily and ensure that none of the dogs choked on it. Somehow the dogs just loved these damn Stikeez as much as the child.

So the other day Duide randomly request that we go to Pnp to get “stuff”. I asked what stuff as we didn’t need anything that I was aware of. Then the truth prevailed…(This child was so excited and even had a twinkle in his eye much like the one I will have if I have financial independence and “free” money) The Stikeez people were at school and gave them some of the “new’ Stikeez and he absolutely cannot live without the others…My response ‘”I am so happy for you but unfortunately I will not be going to Pnp today and I will not be bamboozled into getting those Stikeez.  We head home.

Fast forward to when Dude walks into the house and announces he needs to go to Pnp for some stuff – it was his night to cook (somehow he never cooks what is readily available at home). Dudie (always reluctant to go to the shops) is already waiting at the door to go. So we head out to Pnp and boy oh boy was Dudie ecstatic about his Stikeez. In fact he is already planning to swop a duplicate.

I am at a loss for words. Stikeez2 when will you leave already?

We did have a good dinner though – Creamy prawns cooked on the Cadac Skottel outside cos it was just so lovely to sit outside…It is SO hot in Pretoria right now. At the rate that we using the aircons Eskom will be loadshedding our house soon…Sorry Eskom I just can’t NOT have the aircons on.creamy-prawns

Spirited Mama

Blog content

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I have been asked before how I come up with content for my blog. Because sometimes it is witty/funny/helpful and who would have known informative. Well the answer is simple really….

My content is my real life experiences. No really the very thing that you are laughing at is actual events in my life. Sometimes I read my own posts and think whoa I wish that was fiction but then I think I wouldn’t be a Spirited Mama without my Spirited family in My spirited life.

I started my blog as a cheaper alternative to therapy. And yes it has been liberating but it is also an honest reflection of my life as well as my choices in life.

So stick around if you fancy a laugh because I can guarantee it’ll be cheaper than visiting a therapist. You know they say that we all carry our own cross/burden/load well sometimes hearing what others are facing in life can make your load seem lighter.

Spirited Mama

Pass the toilet paper

We go through a crap load of toilet paper monthly and we are only 2 adults and 1 child + resident alien in utero in the Spirited house. I am flabbergasted at the copious amounts of toilet paper we flush away. You know I can literally hear the “ka-ching” sound when I hear the toilet flush.

Considering how I was constipated for the first 4 months of this pregnancy (thankfully that is no longer an issue), I am starting to wonder  can I really make such a big difference in the usage of toilet paper. I pee ALOT. Like all the time. I only buy BabySoft and believe me I have tried to sneak in other brands BUT my family knows the difference. Have you seen the price tag on Toilet Paper??? It costs a fucking fortune only for you to wipe your ass and flush that fortune down the toilet. Literally!

Alas, I will continue to buy the BabySoft as I do think that there are certain “luxuries” that we deserve. We all have certain luxuries/privileges that we are not willing to forgo just to save a buck. (Do you know that my Dude believes he can only eat Woolworths cheese and that Dudie seems to think that he can only eat Lays chips? A post on luxuries/privileges best left for another day.)

Some days I think if the toilet really made the “ka-ching” sound when you flushed it would sound like a Casino in our house.

On that note let me go use the toilet. Please pass the toilet paper.

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Spirited Mama

P.S It’s FRIDAY!!!!! I just sat through Dudie’s music concert at school – it was cute to watch the little people perform for the audience. Seems my resident alien enjoyed the music too.

How my GUESS watch saved me from a snake…

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Yes, you read it right. This post is about how my GUESS watch saved me from a Mozambiquan Spitting Cobra.

So in 2015, we got lucky when I called a place for a last minute booking over the Easter break. I found it in the Dinokeng reserve. Now I have absolutely no qualms, even after this incident, with nature. I get that I am in the wild and in their territory and rightfully so I respect the wildlife. But fuck lately I am having more goosebumps and hair raising experiences than I would like….

Anyway, we were so chuffed to get this last minute booking. Arriving on Good Friday, to a place where you are told warned “Please close the gate after you enter the camp as the Big 5 roam free in the reserve”. Now, a rational person would have said fuck that I am heading back to civilisation, but NOT this Spirited family. No we will find these places. And we will conquer them.

We arrive and unpack. We are impressed for a Bush Camp. Only concern, the bathroom is sort of outside of the bedroom and kitchen. You need to step onto the porch to get to the bathroom door. Now  this doesn’t bother me but it sure bugs the hell out of Dude who is paralyzed at the mere sight of a spider, no matter what size. We decide to explore the camp and take a stroll across the lawn to the pool and recreation centre. This is about 500metres from our porch.

Inside the recreation centre we find a pool(snooker) table, table tennis, a tv area and a long dining room table…so I tell myself do not stick your hand into the pool table as you are out in the wild and need to be weary of snakes and spiders. I discover you can actually exit by the pool table as well.

Dude and I start playing table tennis. Dudie interjects and I say you play with Dad, I want to check that room past the tv. I walk past the front door where we had entered earlier and as I pass a huge gas heater I feel my left hand is wet. As if someone sprayed it with water…I stop and think that I just passed a gas heater, this whole camp is thatched roofs and if gas is leaking and a fire breaks out we are all fucked. So I backtrack…slowly walking backwards to check this gas heater. And right there on the floor next to the gas heater lies a Mozambiquan Spitting Cobra.

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MOTHERBUFFER! With my mind racing and me calculating that if I run around this fucking 12 seater table this snake can surely just slither underneath and stop me on the other side, or if I scream or startle the snake it will have a go at me…very calmly I say ” Dude, take Dudie and go out by the pool table. Dude, huh? I repeat myself but this time a bit louder and with more concern in my voice. As they exit, I calmly walk around this table so that I too exit at the pool table.

Once outside I was freaking out. We ran speed walked to the owner and informed him about the snake. He checked my hand and arm for any scratches or cuts and said Sussie jy is Fokken gelukkig hy hou van jou blink horlosie” (sister you are fucking lucky he likes your bling watch). So off he goes in search of this snake.

We did inform the other visitors who we met along the way not go to the recreation centre as there is a snake. We get there with the owner and already there are some guests who wanted to catch the snake. The owner goes inside and calls me to the door to check if the snake that he caught is in fact the right one. At this stage I am shitting myself thinking what do you mean the right one. I said yip it is without even looking.

He confirmed it was a Mozambiquan Spitting Cobra and guess what they spit from any position. They do not need to stand up or flair up to spray you with venom. Although, it’s more the bite that you need to be careful of. Sadly, he killed the snake as he says the camp is full and the snake has obviously settled there so if he leaves it the snake will most likely just come back. And it might not be a happy ending next time. Can I just say that although relieved I was very sad that they had to kill the snake. Dudie, up til today, is still pissed that the snake was killed. He asked the owner, do you think God is happy with you killing his creatures? There was a veterinary Doctor as well who agreed it was best to kill the snake.

After all that commotion we headed back to our chalet. Slightly more cautious being there. Feeling exposed and vulnerable. Dude goes to the bathroom, and starts cussing…well you guessed it. There was a spider in the bathroom. On the door that he just closed. The very same door that he needs to touch to get out of there. He only saw this spider once he decided to use the lavatory. I was beside myself with laughter. I rescued him, after I laughed and laughed and laughed…

That night we did not sleep much. Me worrying about snakes and Dude worrying about spiders. The next day we were scheduled to go on a game drive. We arrive at the pick up and the owner says “Sussie jy het my so laat skrik, Ek was bekommerd oor jou. Ek is Bly jy is ok” We had a lovely sunset drive but thankfully didn’t see the lions. I think I had enough of the wild for a while…

Last night there. We wake up and Dudie is covered in red spots. Like everywhere. We looked for snake and spider bites but nothing. Then put it down to sand fleas…but we packed our stuff and headed straight to Dischem in Pretoria, about an hours drive from the bush camp. The pharmacist was chilled so naturally we were chilled. Got some meds and went to the comfort of our snake free home.

The next day Dudie looked even worse. We headed to Pretoria East Hospital and the trauma Doctor on duty said it was some sort of virus that Dudie had. Gave stronger meds and sent us home. It took a few days to clear but thankfully he was good as new in no time.

Suddenly I remember why we haven’t been in the bushveld for a while.

Did you know that the Mozambiquan Spitting Cobra is considered the most dangerous after the Black Mamba?

I am so grateful for my bling GUESS watch because this snake thought it was my eyes and had a go at it. I am the person wearing a blinging GUESS watch in the bush. I also always wear my sunglasses…

Spirited Mama

Tooth fairy never visited us last night….

Omg, the tooth fairy never visited us last night. It was a complete fail on us as the parents as we totally forgot about the tooth fairy….

Now, Dudie is 6 and happily believes in the tooth fairy. And for our own sanity we let him. I mean I was shattered when I found out that the Tooth Fairy, Santa and the Easter Bunny were not real….I will let him believe as long as his imagination will allow.

So Dude and I fetch Dudie at school yesterday and Dudie pipes up “Mom, look at my tooth.” Now this very incisor has been loose for a while but not quite ready to be removed sans Dentist. So I said ok that tooth is ready to come out, let Dad take it out. For the record I don’t pull teeth. Never have. Never will. I will nurture and teach you the importance of hygiene and how to take care of those pearly whites but I WILL NoT pull teeth….

So in the school parking lot Dude takes on the mission of “Incisor extraction”. I say guys really there will be blood and we are in the parking can this not wait until we get home? Dude says  no cos he wants to go to Pick n Pay Hypermarket and Dudie says Mom, you try pulling my tooth…. I very firmly tell this child that I will not pull that tooth and 1,2,3 Dude pulls the tooth and Dudie yells, “Is there blood? Mom let me borrow your little mirror.” Yes there was blood. Yes I took a very quick look and said well done Dudie another tooth is out and soon another big boy tooth will be there.

We proceeded to go do some random shopping for light bulbs at Pick n Pay Hyper, yes we drove past many smaller shops where we could have found required light bulbs but Dude NEEDED to go to Hyper. Alas we bought a trolley of food and unnecessary things but hey let me not complain about being blessed.

back to the tooth fairy. So Dudie puts the tooth in a little box and under his pillow and goes to bed last night, with high hopes of a visit from the tooth fairy.

This morning low and behold Dudie was a complete monster when we had to get ready for school and work, bear in mind Dude leaves very early so we don’t see him in the morning. So I had a complete WTF moment, we have been having these mornings more often than not and I just had enough. Now, I pray for patience and I thought Lord, is this where I exercise patience? Well, after a altercation with mom and a very stern loud voice, Dudie shedding crocodile tears and feeling sorry for himself shouting I hate you, you the worst mommy I ever knew. I find this child sitting in the bathroom all sad. He says the tooth fairy gave me nothing. Omg, we completely forgot!!!

I jumped at the opportunity and explained, “remember I told you before that the tooth fairy watches your behavior. Maybe she wasn’t happy with your behavior and thought maybe you needed some reminding to behave better?” So let’s get done and get you to school. Perhaps think about your behavior and attitude and try again tonight. Maybe the tooth fairy will come by tonight.

Some days I just feel that parenting is soooooo hard. It tests me, it pushes me, it grills me, it tires me, it challenges my being, emotionally, spiritually and physically. I love my child but whoa sometimes I feel like I have no idea of what I’m doing….

How much does the tooth fairy give per tooth these days? I used to get 20cents and that was a small fortune back then. Sometimes even up to R1/R2 per tooth. Lol….

cheers

Spirited Mama

P.S. So Dudie was late for school. I walked him to his class and told him that he can own up for his actions and explain to his teacher why he is late today. I will not be going into the class as I am not responsible for this action. At least my child knows to man up for his actions.

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