Second child syndrome. Hand me downs? Is it fair or OK to pass on things?Do you feel neglected as a second child? I am the eldest of two children. But I am also the only girl. I have a brother who is 9 years younger than me. Dude is the youngest of three children but granted his brother is 8/9 years older than him. In essence, we kinda grew up as “only” children or in different generations to that of our siblings. Dudie and the resident alien will have a 7 year age gap between them. Whilst I am all for sibling bonds I am most certainly NOT cut out to be a mom of two babies/small children. Hence, the age gap between my boys… I do worry that they will not “click” right away but as with anything you cannot predict the future. My wish is that my boys create and find “their own special brotherly bond”.
Is it fair or OK to pass on things?Do you feel neglected as a second child?
The competitiveness…First born vs last born? The resident alien is not even born yet and already I am picking up competitive vibes from Dudie. And No it’s not anything that we have said or done but Dudie had a problem with the name that we I have chosen for his little brother. Yes, imagine that. To quote my 6 soon to be 7 year old, in exactly 8 days he will be 7 – he promptly reminds me daily of how many days are left until his birthday “that name is too powerful for my little brother”. I shit you not. When did this boy get sooo smart? And who in the hell of it old him which names are powerful? Oh my, this is but a sliver of what I can look forward to with my spirited Dudie. This kid is song willed…
Does it create sibling rivalry? Dude and I had this conversation the other day and granted I agree that if the parent makes a fuss about it the second child might feel somewhat neglected or begin to realise that this might not be normal behaviour. Although, I have always given Dudie things to family and charity my Dude had a valid question…”Why is the stuff not good enough for the resident alien? Honestly, I couldn’t think of a valid reason. Perhaps it’s the mommy guilt of wanting to give my boys everything I possibly can. And wanting to give the resident alien his “own” things?
I foresee a journey full of discovery for the Spirited Household. I hope that we all embrace the changes with love, respect and dignity…
Happy bonding.
Spirited Mama
I chose these random images as I didn’t think anyone would want me posting pictures of their kids on my blog…and well the resident alien is still in utero so how do you think I would get a picture of my boys together…
Whoa!!!! this shit just got real…I can’t believe how expensive things are….
I don’t even know who is more shocked…me or my bank balance. 7 years ago I almost died at the sight of the price tags of baby essentials but walking into Baby City a few weeks ago was mind boggling. I left with….nothing. I kid you not I was so shocked that I decided that I needed to regroup and clear my head. I needed a game plan and essential shopping list.
OMG, Thank goodness I still have my babysense sling and sleepy sack that I bought for Dudie when he was born. This child of mine only used his sling until he could peep out and actually see that there is activity beyond that sling so he needs to be sitting upright and checking out his surroundings. And that was the beginning of the end. Thereafter he only ever wanted to be on the floor so I packed away our sling. Here’s hoping that we will put it to good use when the new baby arrives… Now, although this is only my opinion of the essentials one would require for a new baby, in no way am I saying that your offspring will become the next president or world renowned scientist, please remember that we all have different needs and priorities. Of course as parents we only want the best for our offspring but hell man it can break your bank account.
Essential must haves:
Jogger Pram/stroller – sorted as I still have Dudie’s.
Camp cot – sorted as I still have Dudie’s.
infant/newborn car seat – sorted still Dudie’s, but I could get a new more padded version
bath compactum – sorted still Dudie’s.
bath seat and pillow – sorted still Dudie’s.
baby monitor – you guessed it, still Dudie’s.
thermometer – Dudie’s but need to check if it is still in a good working condition.
breast pump – frantically looking for it in the house as OMG it costs a small fortune.
pacifier -Dudie used his for 8weeks and the weaned himself off of it. Will buy some…
bottles- I used Dr Browns and Nuk with Dudie… Will buy new ones as I haven’t even checked what the old one’s look like…maybe I should just leave it at that and buy new ones.
wet wipes you can never have enough wet wipes. Dudie is 6 and at any given time you can walk into our house and you’d be guaranteed to find random packets of wet wipes in the house and even cars.
nappies, nappies, nappies
telement drops
telement gripewater
lansinoh nipple cream – it saved my nipples the last time.
bio oil – I guess its just my genetics but those stretchmarks still make their appearance….but love the bio oil nonetheless.
Now no list would be complete without a few tons of nice to haves….
baby rocker – still need to investigate this but love the concept
activity playmat -I only found the poles of our previous one….no mat but I did find the monkey that hangs from the bars. I could just make my own and connect those pipes to each other and let the resident alien lie on a mat soft mattress…but someone might just report me to the welfare
those pretty babysense burp cloths
babywrap because I love the idea of wearing my offspring. I loved my sling, pity Dudie didn’t want to use it longer.
a baby bag which will double as Mom’s handbag for the next 12 months…We all dream of this glamorous image of a new mom but in reality it is just convenient and much much less time consuming to pop your own essentials into the baby bag.
a new car seat – even though we kind of have this sorted I would like a new one though…just died at the sight of the price tags…
a new baby monitor – we have the very basic one but wow have you seen the fancy monitors these days.
shares in Pampers because you won’t believe how much money you will spend on nappies…I kid you not. Can someone let me know how I can buy shares in Pampers….
A decorator to do the new baby room….we seriously need some inspiration/ideas for a nursery/little boy’s room.
a few breakaways for mom….just me time…a peaceful night’s sleep, uninterrupted, preferably in a high end hotel with amazing room service so that I can just stay in my pjs the whole day.
a new car- ok maybe this is taking it too far but I can dream can’t I?
a Personal trainer to get back my pre preggie body…
A chef/cook, like that little old lady from the fattis and Monis tv ad. The one they used to keep locked away in the broom closet. She would make life so much easier and we could literally just ooh and aahhh over the baby all day long. (found the ad on Youtube)
In essence, you don’t need all those fancy designer clothes as your precious baby grows out it so fast. Sometimes they outgrow clothes they never even wore…don’t get me wrong it’s lovely to dress this new sweet smelling baby but believe me they poop and puke all the same in ordinary clothes just as they will in designer brands…
Currently, I am trying to figure out should I go get that wax at Sorbet or buy the damn PregOmega….Newly waxed vjay jay vs fishy burps daily…Just kidding…I will get the PregOmega vitamins. I used it with Dudie and it definitely made a difference then and now. Just got back from my wax
I am already actively looking for a nursery school even whilst the resident alien is still in utero. It baffles me that I need to pay a deposit to secure his spot for 2017….its days liked these that I feel I should have a money tree in the backyard. Just go pick some money as and when I need it.
As we were getting ready for the school day this morning Dudie comes limping into the kitchen and announces that he will now go and undress (note – he is fully dressed in school attire sans his jersey) as his stomach and legs and just all the bones are aching…I politely (read – I don’t have time for this shot this morning) say NO you most certainly will not. YOU will go to school. Please go and get done in your room and come sit down for breakfast. And don’t even think about moping around… Off he goes and comes back now fully kitted in school attire but being the rebel that he refuses to tie his one shoe lace.
Now I put his cereal and milk on the table for him so he literally just pours the milk into the bowl and has to eat. Dudie stands next to the table stares at the bowl and decided stuff it he is drinking his Airmune aka water medicine as we call it, and then just continues staring at this bowl. I announce aka warn that I am packing the car and we are leaving in 2 minutes, so eat if you want to. He just glares at me.
I come back and say right let’s move. Dudie now wants to pour milk into his bowl. I calmly state the obvious that he has now run out of time and that he will not have cereal this morning. (I have spoilt this child for far to long… Previously I would have sat down and just allowed him to have his cereal. But no more.) I say you can have a yoghurt or an apple on the way. Decide. He chooses the apple and off we go. Our drive to school is only about 5km’s and usually takes about 10 – 15 minutes but given that Dudie can distract himself from reality that time is not enough to eat that small apple… 2 minutes into the drive he pipes up, Mom should I eat the apple first or have my vitamin(I gave him a centrum chew tablet at home and he politely just kept it in his hand). Me – whatever just have it before we get to school.
Dudie is super proud and so are we of the fact that he can read. And I mean read proper words and sentences read. So he spells a few words so that I can help him with the pronunciation.
Me: Dudie if your bones are aching then how will you play soccer tomorrow? Remember you have a soccer match tomorrow.
Dudie: It’s fine. My bones are upgrading. It only takes like 20 hours so it’ll be done tomorrow. My legs, toes , ears and elbows are already done. So its just the other bones that need to upgrade.
I swear there is a reason why we face forward whilst driving with kids….I laugh internally and made a note to LOL later.Then Dudie changes the topic to heros and superheros. He then proceeds to tell me about how Superman dies in Batman VS Superman (note this is NOT my kind of movie and Dude and Dudie have seen it a few times) but somehow I am just not getting it. Mind you am trying to weave through the traffic and to ensure that cross over safely onto the school premises, so excuse me for not focusing 0n Batman or Superman. Dudie now clearly becomes annoyed with me and just says, It’s fine that you don’t get it. It’s complicated!
Seriously, my 6 year old telling me “it’s complicated” really??? Where did this child morph from? This is the product of a Spirited, strong willed, head strong, opinionated household….and we are adding another little person to this dynamic in Spiritville. Fun times lie ahead of us…
Happy Friday. My bones will be upgrading this weekend. Parenting can be hard at times but also SO rewarding and funny. Love this child! He reminds to laugh a little…and not be so serious all the time.
The thought of Dudie growing up alone has always haunted me and for a very long long long time I wrestled with the idea of having another child. Well 2016 was apparently the year that we decided was a good year to grow Spiritville. In case you were not aware, yes we have a resident alien aka baby, due in Feb 2017…
The idea of having another little person to take care and be my responsibility until the day that I leave this earth is causing some lots of anxiety. But the idea is growing on me and luckily at a much faster rate than my belly…We are excited and nervous and happy and scared all at the same time. There is no handbook to guide you to raise your perfect little angel. We can only hope and pray that what we are doing and teaching our kid(s) will be sufficient for them to become admirable, strong, focused, resilient young adults someday…
Another pressing thought that has been weighing me down is the age gap between Dudie and the resident alien…they will have a SEVEN year gap. Now, I have always said that I am not cut out for two babies and if I ever had another child I will not have them on top of one another. A seven year gaps does give me some sort of a paralysed feeling because doing the math I realised that we would have a teenager and a toddler in the house. When Dudie starts high school, grade 8, then the resident alien would start grade 1…
This morning I found an article on ALL4WOMEN, fostering a strong relationship between siblings. It resonated with me not only because I have a sibling and although we have a 9 year age gap, I’m the older one, but also because I don’t think my parents actively tried to foster a stronger relationship between us. We, my brother and I, are steadily working on our relationship currently. Perhaps my parents just thought that we were generations apart and that they were unsure of how to salvage the gap in our relationship… I am keeping my anxiety at bay and trying to be proactive to foster a relationship between Dudie and his unborn brother…Oh yes, IT’S A BOY!!!
I will constantly try my best to ensure that MY TWO boys will know that they are blood brothers and no matter what nothing and no one can take that away from them. What they make of their relationship is up to them but for as long as what I am around I will encourage, love and support their relationship.
Happy Friday!
Spirited Mama
P.S. Mamma had a biopsy but now we wait with baited breath. We will only know what the plan of action/way forward is next week once all the doctors have decided…If you missed it then read the post When CANCER happens…My family fights back
Mommy needs a time-out!!! Mommy is tired and may I add pregnant and somewhat emotional. Mommy’s patience have run out and mommy seems to be losing her shit all the time. Mommy feels overworked, over stressed and exhausted. Did I mention PREGNANT. Oh the ALL DAY morning sickness with the actual expulsion of any food intake or whatever may be left in my tummy or first thing in the morning is just a marvelous way to get a head start to your day. I have been feeling crap and behaving badly and all I want is for my 6 year old to get done in the morning. For fuck sake, what is SO difficult about getting done. He eventually gets out of bed and if I don’t physically police him to get his shit done he will look at random photos in his room, which have been there like forever, perhaps read a book, perhaps just stand on the bed naked and just stare at the fucking wall, etc… I wish this was all in my head but alas it’s our reality. True as shit this boy will be fucking late for school everyday until I lose my shit and then have to drive as if being chased by the devil himself to make that 4km drive to school.
I have decided that I am done. I will NOT be helping with homework. I will not be checking that you have the proper attire for the day. I will NOT be checking everything that I always use to because quite frankly Mommy needs a break and she is damn well taking it. I am not sure if one day will do the trick or perhaps I need a few days but my oh my I feel as if I have to do EVERYTHING!
Being a involved, hands-on parent is extremely hard work. Hats off to all those who parent! Sometimes I need to remember that I too am a person. And I too need a break.
I could so curl up in a warm bed with a good book, some hot chocolate and lots and lots of chocolate….Oh, and someone to wait on me hand and foot and bring me room service whenever I ring my proverbial bell. I think I need a hotel stay!
Spirited Mama
Here are some random images that I had on my hard drive that made me laugh out loud with a few snot bubbles…Enjoy.Sometimes I take things way to seriously….
Omg, the tooth fairy never visited us last night. It was a complete fail on us as the parents as we totally forgot about the tooth fairy….
Now, Dudie is 6 and happily believes in the tooth fairy. And for our own sanity we let him. I mean I was shattered when I found out that the Tooth Fairy, Santa and the Easter Bunny were not real….I will let him believe as long as his imagination will allow.
So Dude and I fetch Dudie at school yesterday and Dudie pipes up “Mom, look at my tooth.” Now this very incisor has been loose for a while but not quite ready to be removed sans Dentist. So I said ok that tooth is ready to come out, let Dad take it out. For the record I don’t pull teeth. Never have. Never will. I will nurture and teach you the importance of hygiene and how to take care of those pearly whites but I WILL NoT pull teeth….
So in the school parking lot Dude takes on the mission of “Incisor extraction”. I say guys really there will be blood and we are in the parking can this not wait until we get home? Dude says no cos he wants to go to Pick n Pay Hypermarket and Dudie says Mom, you try pulling my tooth…. I very firmly tell this child that I will not pull that tooth and 1,2,3 Dude pulls the tooth and Dudie yells, “Is there blood? Mom let me borrow your little mirror.” Yes there was blood. Yes I took a very quick look and said well done Dudie another tooth is out and soon another big boy tooth will be there.
We proceeded to go do some random shopping for light bulbs at Pick n Pay Hyper, yes we drove past many smaller shops where we could have found required light bulbs but Dude NEEDED to go to Hyper. Alas we bought a trolley of food and unnecessary things but hey let me not complain about being blessed.
back to the tooth fairy. So Dudie puts the tooth in a little box and under his pillow and goes to bed last night, with high hopes of a visit from the tooth fairy.
This morning low and behold Dudie was a complete monster when we had to get ready for school and work, bear in mind Dude leaves very early so we don’t see him in the morning. So I had a complete WTF moment, we have been having these mornings more often than not and I just had enough. Now, I pray for patience and I thought Lord, is this where I exercise patience? Well, after a altercation with mom and a very stern loud voice, Dudie shedding crocodile tears and feeling sorry for himself shouting I hate you, you the worst mommy I ever knew. I find this child sitting in the bathroom all sad. He says the tooth fairy gave me nothing. Omg, we completely forgot!!!
I jumped at the opportunity and explained, “remember I told you before that the tooth fairy watches your behavior. Maybe she wasn’t happy with your behavior and thought maybe you needed some reminding to behave better?” So let’s get done and get you to school. Perhaps think about your behavior and attitude and try again tonight. Maybe the tooth fairy will come by tonight.
Some days I just feel that parenting is soooooo hard. It tests me, it pushes me, it grills me, it tires me, it challenges my being, emotionally, spiritually and physically. I love my child but whoa sometimes I feel like I have no idea of what I’m doing….
How much does the tooth fairy give per tooth these days? I used to get 20cents and that was a small fortune back then. Sometimes even up to R1/R2 per tooth. Lol….
cheers
Spirited Mama
P.S. So Dudie was late for school. I walked him to his class and told him that he can own up for his actions and explain to his teacher why he is late today. I will not be going into the class as I am not responsible for this action. At least my child knows to man up for his actions.
YES, we are having a baby. It’s happening. This baby will be making an appearance very close to our 10 year wedding anniversary. So what an awesome gift! When I showed Dudie a scan and an early foetal development video he aptly responded….is that the baby? looks like an alien.
Of course everyone is totally beside themselves with JOY and so too am I . I was very reluctant and hesitant but it seems things have a way of working out for the greater good. I am longing and yearning for this baby as much as Dude and Dudie.
It’s going to be an adjustment as it’ll be like starting over. Dudie will be 7 when this baby arrives.
So here’s to us having a super awesome sorted baby routine in no time….Hey don’t judge I can wish can’t I. At this stage I can’t think of sleepless nights, breastfeeding, purity and nappies etc…
Spiritville is growing…
Spirited Mama
P.S. did I mention that I will be in my final year of studies when this baby arrives…OMG we will cross that bridge when we get there.
So last night Dude throws me a HUGE curve ball!!!!!!
He would like another baby! No not a property or a new car BUT a BABY! I’m caught off guard. I still am. I have no reason to NOT have another baby other than I always thought since Dudie came along he would be my only child. I know that Dudie will LOVE the idea of a sibling but I’m just confused.
In fact I would like a cabriolet and I guess we can fit two car seats in the back but this is another person we are talking about. Another life to protect for as long as we both shall live! I like the idea of having another child but I’m just not so sure about the execution.
Dudie is 5 going on 15. And he in himself is 100 in 1 kids to manage. I love him to bits but some days are just exhausting! How will I manage another child who needs to get into a routine and fit into our lifestyle.
My biggest fear is sharing myself between 2 kids….And juggling work and being in Spiritville and being a wife, a lover, a friend, a mom, a person…. Not sure how to juggle ALL those balls with a new baby in the mix.
The more I think about it, the more confused I become! It’s like a huge ape sitting on my shoulder pestering me to make a decision and quite frankly I don’t know which one to make.
This is how we currently sleep…Dudie starts off well in his own bed but 4 out of 7 night she sneaks into our bed….and well every so often I go and have my back re-aligned…professionally.
Where would a baby lie?
Sometimes Dude complains of his nightmares…it’s generally about falling off the bed but it is in fact no nightmare…it is real…Dudie will push me towards Dude’s side of the bed and so I push Dude to the edge. LOL
Decisions decisions decisions…
Cheers
Spirited Mama
P.S this was a random image that I found on my hard drive so I have no idea where it originated. The persons in the picture couldn’t care less about credits they just NEED sleep. So let them.
P.P.S Did I mention that I’m now getting back into shape and Dudie wants me to grow a person..again!
I grew up watching Free Willy. And I’m almost certain that I’ve seen most of it. After Free Willy 2 I was not particularly interested in seeing how/why they need to save this whale again. Now, I am an animal lover but really why could they NOT just leave Willy alone? So many whales yet they always after Willy. Maybe Willy needs to move…. just saying…
But the reason for this post is that I cried for Willy. My brother cried for Willy. And Yesterday MY son, Dudie, cried for Willy. It was nothing like the soft cries of the actors in the movie. It was more the snot and trane kinda cry. I’m at the soft cry stage now. Think I got over this Free Willy business. Point is, my brother was very young when Willy was featured. He cried and was extrememly emotional. So much so that we couldn’t even make out what he was trying to say whilst sobbing…
Yesterday, Dudie and I watched Free Willy. Thanks to DSTV for making us pay a small fortune to watch reruns of films we can get free of charge at our local Video store when you rent the latest blockbusters…
Then Dudie got extremely emotional at the exact same spot as my brother… He cried and said that he wants his whale family. HUh? Yes, we reassured him that Willy was safe and that he’s with his family and that WE are his family AND we’re here for him and with him…. But alas, he kept crying. Is there something that we’re missing in Willy?
Then we watched Free Willy 2. DSTV – Back to Back Free Willy movies…. Bleh!> This went down somewhat better… Minimal signs of distress but no crying. He actually laughed during the movie. Then it was bedtime… .And he was sad for his whale family. Yes, he still wants his whale family too. He eventually asked me to please get him a whale family too.
As much as I enjoyed watching Free Willy, it’s time to move on. Hopefully, I haven’t scarred Dudie for life.
So Dudie has started Grade 000. Great! All is going swimmingly BUT!!!!! This is a huge BUT! We love his school and his teachers. But this might be the last year that he is there. They have a Private Primary School but it is not on our route. It’s actually way out of our way….Although, on the plus side they give preference to the kids in their Nursery School.
Dudie has been accepted by a very sought after Montessori Nursery school for 2014. Yay! But, I’m not sure that I want to move him there because we don’t want to move him there and then move him again when he has to start Grade 1…. So I really think that I should let the school know that we will not be taking that spot….sigh….
We have been doing the research and we have found a few independent schools, that we really like but it will curb our spontaneous getaways(sob sob)…..
Can you recommend private schools in Pretoria? I’d really appreciate personal experiences….
We do however have a DARK Cloud looming…What do you do about holiday times? I don’t have a nanny/domestic that I can rope in over the holiday. Our family lives in Cape Town. So we basically fend for ourselves in GP. Currently, his school only closes for December but we do take frequent breaks during the year, in case anyone thinks that my child is at school 340 days in the year 🙂
Are there any holiday programmes available in Pretoria? Holiday Schools? We will take leave as and when possible but I would really like to know what other working parents do????
For the record I’m not comfortable leaving Dudie home with a caregiver even if it is family because of:
a) our swimming pool (yes, he does take swimming lessons but he is no olympian)
b) our beloved dogs (we do not leave Dudie unattended with our breed)
c) I don’t want him catching up with soapies during the holiday time ( I would prefer that he be stimulated with age-appropriate activities)
So this is my dilemma… Please let me know how you manage to survive work/parenting/life…
Spirited Mama
P.S. I’m looking for new employment closer to Pretoria as I commute daily. I am more than willing to take a back office, sit quietly and just not be seen but still get MY salary every month…. SO if anyone is hiring, please shout!!!!!
