Spirited Mama

Living a SPIRITED life filled with wanderlust, emotions and everything in between

Tag: matters of the heart (Page 4 of 7)

Second child syndrome..and hand me downs

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On September 23, 2016

In brothers, Family, New baby, Parenting, siblings, Struggles

 

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Second child syndrome. Hand me downs? Is it fair or OK to pass on things?Do you feel neglected as a second child? I am the eldest of two children. But I am also the only girl. I have a brother who is 9 years younger than me. Dude is the youngest of three children but granted his brother is 8/9 years older than him. In essence, we kinda grew up as “only” children or in different generations to that of our siblings. Dudie and the resident alien will have a 7 year age gap between them. Whilst I am all for sibling bonds I am most certainly NOT cut out to be a mom of two babies/small children. Hence, the age gap between my boys… I do worry that they will not “click” right away but as with anything you cannot predict the future. My wish is that my boys create and find “their own special brotherly bond”.

Is it fair or OK to pass on things?Do you feel neglected as a second child?

The competitiveness…First born vs last born? The resident alien is not even born yet and already I am picking up competitive vibes from Dudie. And No it’s not anything that we have said or done but Dudie had a problem with the name that we I have chosen for his little brother. Yes, imagine that. To quote my 6 soon to be 7 year old, in exactly 8 days he will be 7 – he promptly reminds me daily of how many days are left until his birthday “that name is too powerful for my little brother”. I shit you not. When did this boy get sooo smart? And who in the hell of it old him which names are powerful? Oh my, this is but a sliver of what I can look forward to with my spirited Dudie. This kid is song willed…
Does it create sibling rivalry? Dude and I had this conversation the other day and granted I agree that if the parent makes a fuss about it the second child might feel somewhat neglected or begin to realise that this might not be normal behaviour. Although, I have always given Dudie things to family and charity my Dude had a valid question…”Why is the stuff not good enough for the resident alien? Honestly, I couldn’t think of a valid reason. Perhaps it’s the mommy guilt of wanting to give my boys everything I possibly can. And wanting to give the resident alien his “own” things?

I foresee a journey full of discovery for the Spirited Household. I hope that we all embrace the changes with love, respect and dignity…

Happy bonding.

Spirited Mama

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I chose these random images as I didn’t think anyone would want me posting pictures of their kids on my blog…and well the resident alien is still in utero so how do you think I would get a picture of my boys together…

CANCER WON….Mamma lost

By

On September 8, 2016

In About me, Cancer, Family

CANCER WON (1) – Mamma lost(0)

Sadly on Sunday 28 August 2016 at 04:22 am Mamma breathed her last breath of life over my fingers. It was a bittersweet, surreal, peaceful, quiet, but so very special moment that we shared. One last moment with my Mamma. I will miss you ALWAYS!!!!

Only two weeks after the diagnosis was confirmed Mamma had lost the battle. She was a brave and strong willed woman. If you missed it you can read When Cancer happens

I LOVE YOU ALWAYS. L

My heart is broken. I cannot do not want to imagine my life without you….but it is a bitter reality I must face. My heart breaks for Dudie who cries and cries for you.

It seems like a bad dream but everytime I want to call you up and remind you to pack something for our upcoming holiday at the end of September….I remember that I will never speak to you again. I will never hear your voice again. I will never hear you laugh again. And I will never see you smile again.

We have so many wonderful memories. And those memories I will treasure forever. But what I wouldn’t do just to have one more day with you…

Spirited Mama

P.S. I will  do a proper post dedicated to Mamma soon. Right now my whole being is broken.

Random update on Spiritville

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On August 18, 2016

In About me, Cancer, emotions

We have been sick and STILL are sick. Spiritville is flu and bronchitis breeding grounds right now…I had no choice but to start a course of antibiotics myself, even though I would rather not considering our resident alien aka baby in utero….but rather safe than sorry.

CANCER SUCKS!!!! Mamma is getting weaker by the day…I literally almost burst into tears when I saw a photo that was taken of her this morning… She is NOT the same person I saw 2 weeks ago…She is also not the same person in the photos that were taken last week. How does one even begin to comprehend what is happening to her right now. I am running things through my mind and thinking should I go to Cape Town tomorrow or should I go next week or the next? I just don’t know!

Dudie and I are at war it seems…we are constantly fighting and just not seeing eye to eye. It really tiring and emotionally draining. He challenges everything I say or do. Why is the universe out to get me???

I have deadlines and work etc etc etc…but that is just life in general. Right now with everything going on it just feels TOO much and I really just want to break out into an ugly cry all the time…I worry about the resident alien because all these emotions can’t be good…

Sorry that I have nothing positive today but right now I just want to hide under my desk and have my ugly cries….

Spirited Mama

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Siblings – building solid lasting relationships

By

On August 12, 2016

In brothers, Dudie, emotions, New baby, Parenting, siblings, Uncategorized

The thought of Dudie growing up alone has always haunted me and for a very long long long time I wrestled with the idea of having another child. Well 2016 was apparently the year that we decided was a good year to grow Spiritville. In case you were not aware, yes we have a resident alien aka baby, due in Feb 2017…

The idea of having another little person to take care and be my responsibility until the day that I leave this earth is causing some lots of anxiety. But the idea is growing on me and luckily at a much faster rate than my belly…We are excited and nervous and happy and scared all at the same time. There is no handbook to guide you to raise your perfect little angel. We can only hope and pray that what we are doing and teaching our kid(s) will be sufficient for them to become admirable, strong, focused, resilient young adults someday…

Another pressing thought that has been weighing me down is the age gap between Dudie and the resident alien…they will have a SEVEN year gap. Now, I have always said that I am not cut out for two babies and if I ever had another child I will not have them on top of one another. A seven year gaps does give me some sort of a paralysed feeling because doing the math I realised that we would have a teenager and a toddler in the house. When Dudie starts high school, grade 8, then the resident alien would start grade 1…

This morning I found an article on ALL4WOMEN, fostering a strong relationship between siblings. It resonated with me not only because I have a sibling and although we have a 9 year age gap, I’m the older one, but also because I don’t think my parents actively tried to foster a stronger relationship between us. We, my brother and I, are steadily working on our relationship currently. Perhaps my parents just thought that we were generations apart and that they were unsure of how to salvage the gap in our relationship… I am keeping my anxiety at bay and trying to be proactive to foster a relationship between Dudie and his unborn brother…Oh yes, IT’S A BOY!!!

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I will constantly try my best to ensure that MY TWO boys will know that they are blood brothers and no matter what nothing and no one can take that away from them. What they make of their relationship is up to them but for as long as what I am around I will encourage, love and support their relationship.

Happy Friday!

Spirited Mama

P.S. Mamma had a biopsy but now we wait with baited breath. We will only know what the plan of action/way forward is next week once all the doctors have decided…If you missed it then read the post When CANCER happens…My family fights back

When CANCER happens…MY FAMILY FIGHTS BACK!

By

On August 11, 2016

In Cancer, emotions, Family, Health, Uncategorized

So in my family we have been dealt a low blow this past Sunday.

Here’s a rough breakdown of the lead up to this past Sunday

2014 – My mom’s younger sister, aged 44 at the time, was diagnosed with aggressive breast cancer. Almost immediately had a mastectomy and chemotherapy followed by radiation therapy. In 2015 she was cancer free and we had a huge family celebration in her honour.

2016 – My mom’s youngest sister, also aged 44 at time of diagnosis, is diagnosed with breast cancer. Almost immediately,May 2016, had a double mastectomy. She is cancer free and will not be having chemotherapy nor radiation therapy. Last Sunday, the family had a huge celebration in her honour. Unfortunately, we missed it as we live in Gauteng and had already decided and booked flights to Cape Town for 5 August. I was sad that I missed it but something was knawing at me that we should just stick to our original dates and go to Cape Town as planned on 5 Aug.

So earlier this year I had a mammogram and sonars to check if there is anything to be concerned about… Well there are some minor issues but it’ll be monitored very closely. The doctor suggested that someone in our family should do the genetic test for CANCER. Well let’s just say that if the test results are positive and we have the cancer gene well then it’s a matter of When and not IF you get cancer. Let me just say that medical aids DO NOT cover the test and its about R10 000….So the youngest sister was waiting for confirmation from her medical aid to see if they were willing to assist with any sort of payment for this test… WE WAIT patiently.

Back to the past weekend, my Gran aka MAMMA (I literally feel as though she is my “real” mother. Dude says that I am like her 7th child) has been on/off sick with flu then apparently gall stones. On Saturday we see my Gran and we were shocked to see that she did not look well. She had lost weight and she was just not looking like her old self. She laughed and joked with us for a few hours and eventually we left. On Sunday, we get the call that she is not well and will be taken to Casualties. So most of the family treks to the hospital to go see Mamma. (Bear in mind that we have a very very  very big family. Security was taken aback that we ALL came to see the same person). We arrive to find her smiling smiling and all happy and bubbly in casualties. They do some tests and inform us that her liver is enlarged and is pushing against her lungs, which is causing difficulty breathing. Later, they discover a huge mass in her left breast and now suspect breast cancer. They run some more tests and think that it may have spread to the lungs… They have been doing tests ALL the time. We wait to hear the final results and what the way forward would be.

On Monday we visited Mamma in hospital and spend as much time as possible with her, given that we only had limited time and were  only allowed in one at a time. I got a brief period to tell her that I love her. The hardest part was saying goodbye as we had to come back to Pretoria on Monday evening. I told her that once we have more clarity on this  situation I will fly back to come see her.

Mamma is our go to person. She is the MATRIARCH of this family! She is So incredibly strong for all of us. She is happy and bubbly but I worry that none of us are there after visiting hours. None of us really sees what she is enduring. None of us knows what she is going through for as long as what I have been on this earth Mamma has always been smiling. (Hou altyd die blink kant bo – roughly translated into always keeping a brave and happy face) never letting it show if anything gets to her or gets her down.

I have been crying ALOT and as I sit here now I just can’t help myself… I have prayed and given this situation to GOD. As much as I want Mamma to make a full recovery, I don’t want her to go through any unnecessary trauma of surgeries etc…My biggest fear is her quality of life after surgery(ies)… I have seen what CANCER can do and it’s not what I want for Mamma. Mamma is the type of person who will be here the one day and gone the next. And everyone that knows her will know that that is how she wants to be remembered. All I want is for HER to make her OWN decision as to what she wants to do. This past weekend I saw that my family might not accept Mamma’s decision…and I worry that they will bully her into something that she did not want. It’s the hardest decision to just let go and let GOD be because we all want more time with a loved one but like I said it kills me to think of what quality of life she might have afterwards… Nothing has been finalised and no decisions have been made as yet.

I pray for my MAMMA…

Spirited Mama

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This was a random image I found on Pinterest…

Mommy needs a time-out!!!!

By

On August 2, 2016

In emotions, Parenting

Mommy needs a time-out!!! Mommy is tired and may I add pregnant and somewhat emotional. Mommy’s patience have run out and mommy seems to be losing her shit all the time. Mommy feels overworked, over stressed and exhausted. Did I mention PREGNANT. Oh the ALL DAY morning sickness with the actual expulsion of any food intake or whatever may be left in my tummy or first thing in the morning is just a marvelous way to get a head start to your day. I have been feeling crap and behaving badly and all I want is for my 6 year old to get done in the morning. For fuck sake, what is SO difficult about getting done. He eventually gets out of bed and if I don’t physically police him to get his shit done he will look at random photos in his room, which have been there like forever, perhaps read a book, perhaps just stand on the bed naked and just stare at the fucking wall, etc… I wish this was all in my head but alas it’s our reality. True as shit this boy will be fucking late for school everyday until I lose my shit and then have to drive as if being chased by the devil himself to make that 4km drive to school.

I have decided that I am done. I will NOT be helping with homework. I will not be checking that you have the proper attire for the day. I will NOT be checking everything that I always use to because quite frankly Mommy needs a break and she is damn well taking it. I am not sure if one day will do the trick or perhaps I need a few days but my oh my I feel as if I have to do EVERYTHING!

Being a involved, hands-on parent is extremely hard work. Hats off to all those who parent! Sometimes I need to remember that I too am a person. And I too need a break.

I could so curl up in a warm bed with a good book, some hot chocolate and lots and lots of chocolate….Oh, and someone to wait on me hand and foot and bring me room service whenever I ring my proverbial bell. I think I need a hotel stay!

Spirited Mama

Here are some random images that I had on my hard drive that made me laugh out loud with a few snot bubbles…Enjoy.Sometimes I take things way to seriously….

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Hello world…..I am still here

By

On July 15, 2016

In About me, Family

Hello…..

I am not even sure where to start but I am truly amazed that I can still remember my password to log in to “my precious” blog.

Apologies for being MIA but I have been a bit busy. Things have been crazy, sometimes normal, sometimes odd and emotional and sometimes just chaotic. We have had holidays, changed school grades and I started working full time again.

I have checked on my blog from time to time but somehow I just did not have the energy or perhaps the courage to blog. I have missed it though. It was a part of me that needs to be nurtured again. As I am growing wiser(well older) I sometimes feel sort of beside myself. Like I am having an out of body experience. I am standing on the outside looking in on my life. I feel “left out” of my life sometimes.

So I am slowly but surely finding my way to getting myself back on track, if there even is a track… I am not unhappy on the contrary I am in a happy place. I just feel that I have so much more to offer myself and my family that I am willing to search for “that key” to unlock that potential.

At least it’s FRIDAY!

Spirited Mama

P.S. A recent conversation with Dudie:

Dudie: Mom, if Daddy dies you need to marry a new husband.

Me: Why? I don;’t need a husband to raise my offspring.

Dudie: You must cos who will be my Daddy then?

Me: But you have a Daddy and if he dies you will have a Daddy in heaven. But wait what if I die, can Daddy get a new wife?

Dudie: NO! You are my Mommy and I don’t want a new Mommy.

Needless to say Dude was not very impressed with Dudie’s reasoning. LOL. But Dudie assured him that he is the bestest Daddy in the whole world and he says thank you to GOD for his Daddy.

You want what??????

By

On January 8, 2015

In About me, Dude's Ideas, Parenting

So last night Dude throws me a HUGE curve ball!!!!!!

He would like another baby! No not a property or a new car BUT a BABY! I’m caught off guard.  I still am.  I have no reason to NOT have another baby other than I always thought since Dudie came along he would be my only child. I know that Dudie will LOVE the idea of a sibling but I’m just confused.

In fact I would like a cabriolet and I guess we can fit two car seats in the back but this is another person we are talking about. Another life to protect for as long as we both shall live! I like the idea of having another child but I’m just not so sure about the execution.

Dudie is 5 going on 15. And he in himself is 100 in 1 kids to manage.  I love him to bits but some days are just exhausting! How will I manage another child who needs to get into a routine and fit into our lifestyle.

My biggest fear is sharing myself between 2 kids….And juggling work and being in Spiritville and being a wife, a lover, a friend, a mom, a person…. Not sure how to juggle ALL those balls with a new baby in the mix.

The more I think about it, the more confused I become! It’s like a huge ape sitting on my shoulder pestering me to make a decision and quite frankly I don’t know which one to make.

This is how we currently sleep…Dudie starts off well in his own bed but 4 out of 7 night she sneaks into our bed….and well every so often I go and have my back re-aligned…professionally.

Where would a baby lie?

dudieSometimes Dude complains of his nightmares…it’s generally about falling off the bed but it is in fact no nightmare…it is real…Dudie will push me towards Dude’s side of the bed and so I push Dude to the edge. LOL

Decisions decisions decisions…

Cheers

Spirited Mama

P.S this was a random image that I found on my hard drive so I have no idea where it originated.  The persons in the picture couldn’t care less about credits they just NEED sleep. So let them.

P.P.S Did I mention that I’m now getting back into shape and Dudie wants me to grow a person..again!

What THIS Mother wants for Mother’s Day!

By

On May 7, 2013

In Family, Mother's Day

Cotton pyjamas would be nice – off white or any colour as the white only looks white until the first wash! What is it with the water in Gauteng?

An abundance of Lindt chocolate…

A morning of sleeping in… even if just until 9am – as much as I like waking up to Dudie’s soft voice stating “it’s wake up time guys at 6 sometimes 5 even 4am!!!! (thankfully this happens more than the shrieking noisy wake up call/sometimes a cry – I think he has bad dreams…/poking at my eyes/ears/nose/moth/tummy/etc)

A warm breakfast. Uninterupted, without having to feed anyone.

Sweet treats. Cake and Pringles for breakfast and maybe an ice-cold coca cola for BREAKFAST without having to feel like I need to set an example for Dudie. I want a fck coke for breakfast! And chocolate cake! Ice-cream! Pringles – the Original flavour! I DON’T want to share MY Pringles!!!!! MINE mine mine!

A shopping spree would be great. Pity my bank manager won’t allow it. sigh… I so need a new wardrobe..

Oh and a new kitchen would be nice and whilst they making dust we may as well extend the house too.

And some bubblegum steri stumpies would be awesome!

I really can’t complain ‘cos my boys spoil me ALL the time. Fortunately, I do not have to wait for Mother’s Day. What is is with making people feel guilty and telling them YOU have to spoil/appreciate YOUR Mother on Mother’s Day??? You should be thankful EVERYDAY! You should Appreciate YOUR Mother everyday.

Now, some of you might know that I don’t exactly have a blissful Mother/Daughter relationships… ours is more like ‘wtf? were you thinking? doing? going to do? it’s like a business transaction. It’s not filled with hugs and emotions. It’s kinda of emotionless… Let’s not even go into my Mother in law, whom I haven’t spoken to in a few months. Let’s just leave it at that.

But that being said, I have a Gran whom I love to bits and who loves my family to bits. I have Aunts – my mom’s sisters – who treat me like I am their daughter and I love them for it! So let’s not wait for Mother’s Day to show appreciation to whomever it may be that is close to your heart. Let’s appreciate them NOW.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the Moms on Sunday 12 May 2013. Hope you are appreciated, even if just on Mother’s Day.

Spirited Mama

P.S. I defend Mother’s Day the same way my Dude defends “16 Days of Activism for NO violence against Women and Children. <This is only my and his opinion. In no way am I condoning any violence against any human form or even animals>In short he says it just fcked up ‘cos technically what they saying is for 16 days lets ‘Love” each other but what about the rest of the year? Is it ok to fck each other up then?  Guys let’s appreciate. And let’s give credit where it’s due.

Free Willy

By

On April 22, 2013

In emotions, Parenting

I grew up watching Free Willy. And I’m almost certain that I’ve seen most of it. After Free Willy 2 I was not particularly interested in seeing how/why they need to save this whale again. Now, I am an animal lover but really why could they NOT just leave Willy alone? So many whales yet they always after Willy. Maybe Willy needs to move…. just saying…

But the reason for this post is that I cried for Willy. My brother cried for Willy. And Yesterday MY son, Dudie, cried for Willy. It was nothing like the soft cries of the actors in the movie. It was more the snot and trane kinda cry. I’m at the soft cry stage now. Think  I got over this Free Willy business. Point is, my brother was very young when Willy was featured. He cried and was extrememly emotional. So much so that we couldn’t even make out what he was trying to say whilst sobbing…

Yesterday, Dudie and I watched Free Willy. Thanks to DSTV for making us pay a small fortune to watch reruns of films we can get free of charge at our local Video store when you rent the latest blockbusters…

Then Dudie got extremely emotional at the exact same spot as my brother… He cried and said that he wants his whale family. HUh? Yes, we reassured him that Willy was safe and that he’s with his family and that WE are his family AND we’re here for him and with him…. But alas, he kept crying. Is there something that we’re missing in Willy?

Then we watched Free Willy 2. DSTV – Back to Back Free Willy movies…. Bleh!> This went down somewhat better… Minimal signs of distress but no crying. He actually laughed during the movie. Then it was bedtime… .And he was sad for his whale family. Yes, he still wants his whale family too. He eventually asked me to please get him a whale family too.

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As much as I enjoyed watching Free Willy, it’s time to move on. Hopefully, I haven’t scarred Dudie for life.

<Mommy fail>

Spirited Mama

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