Spirited Mama

YOU have got to take in the BAD to experience the GOOD

Tag: matters of the heart (Page 1 of 6)

Motherhood round 2…

Becoming a mom for the second time, albeit 7 years later, was like becoming a mom for the first time.

The adjustment from 1 to 2 children, for me, was and is major. It feels like I have a house full of kids now.

Never ending laundry…how can we have SO much laundry?

Even though Troll sleeps 10 hours straight every night, thank heavens, I don’t. Because I don’t go to bed when he does!

Both kids have the same routine. Our supper time is 18:00 – 19:00. Bath time for both kids is 19:00 and then it’s bedtime at 19:30. For my own sanity, my kids MUST go to bed at 19:30 otherwise Mommy is going to lose her shit. We as parents also need a timeout and when the kids go to bed it’s “Adult Timeout”.

BUT during adult timeout we don’t get a timeout, in fact, we hurriedly try and finish whatever needs to be done. Laundry, kitchen, quick spot cleans here and there, and whatever else needs to be done.

Both my kids were induced. I clearly remember the day when Dudie was born. The nurse asking me to sign the epidural consent forms and all I could think about was how nervous I was to birth my child. I didn’t get that epidural as once the show was on a roll there was no stopping Dudie from making his entrance. That baby was born ALL natural, drug-free weighing a 3.4kgs.

With Troll it was SO different. When the nurse asked me if I wanted an epidural, I declined. She reminded me that it was, in fact, an Induction and that labour could get very intense. I said I know. Been there, done that and got the 7-year-old to show for it. I wasn’t as nervous for the birth as I was the first time. What was freaking me out was what about “the happily ever after” when that little person is forever part of our family. The birth seemed like the easy part. The hard part is raising my kids. Troll was born ALL natural, drug-free weighing 4.04kgs.

My boys are so similar yet so different. Both unique little beings with their own personalities. What I do know is that my boys are happy. Joy beams from their little faces, so surely it is within them. Don’t get me wrong, they can be monstrous at times but thankfully those moments are few and far in between.

Our lives are busy. And we like it that way but sometimes we need to take a step back and just enjoy the moment. I battle with this and I’m running things in my head and sometimes find myself way ahead of where my family actually is. I am trying to make a conscious effort to be present in the moment. I am making small changes.  I try and spend one on one time with each of my sons even if it’s only a few minutes at a time.

Last week, Dudie told me that he knows that we really love him. Also, he reasoned that I love him 50% and Troll 50%. I said nope, I love you both 100%. His response, well then you have 200% love to give. You have got to love this child’s analytical ability, no thanks to his paternal genes 🙂

Thinking back I was very scared of having another child. Purely because I just didn’t want Dudie to share me with anyone else. It is a major adjustment for ALL of us but we are gracefully embracing our new life. We welcomed Troll with so much love that it almost seems like he has been with us forever. He was made for our family. He is the last piece to this puzzle.

Watching the boys together warms my heart. Not only do they share genetics BUT they have an actual bond. A brotherhood. And no one can take that from them. As their parents, we will encourage and strengthen the bond. EVen though Troll is only 6 months old he already searches the room for Dudie.

Motherhood can kick my arse on most days but I am happy knowing that even on those not so great days I am doing the best I can…for my boys.

Motherhood definitely is my best achievement!

Spirited Mama

 

Kids get sick

Kids get sick at the most inopportune times in OUR lives. It will either be in the wee hours of the morning, or at school, or weekends, or on holiday, etc. Isn’t is just incredible how kids make a miraculous recovery whilst you are sitting in the Paediatric waiting area? Please tell me it is NOT just my kids who do this. They are happy and playing when we are at the doctor but limp fish and half dead when you have them at home…

Maz, from Caffeineandfairydust, wrote a post earlier this year that resonated with me.

To The Mom Sending Her Sick Kids To School…And Everyone Else

I know some parents have NO alternative but to send their sick kids to school but dammit it aint fair on the rest who are trying to keep their kids in good health. I empathise with both parents, the parent sending the sick kid to school as well as the parent trying to keep their kid healthy. With Dudie we used to rotate who would stay home so that we don’t exhaust one parent’s leave only. And also not to piss of the employer that one parent is staying out of work all the time.

I remember spending more time than I would have liked at the Emergency Room with Dudie. And thankfully now that he is 7 years old I think we’ve only had two ER visits in a long time.

Troll is in daycare. Fortunately, it’s only half day. But that still makes him susceptible to the germs around him for the few hours that he is there. Thank goodness we have a policy at work in OUR department, Family comes First.

Last month whilst I was on study leave, I dropped Troll at 07:35 only to pick him up again at 10:20. They called to say that he had a fever. With the long weekend coming up, I didn’t want to take any chances and end up at ER for the weekend. I took him to the paed and thankfully it was only a secondary infection but it was enough to warrant an antibiotic…

SO that is how Thursday started. And so we went through our long weekend nursing Troll, who woke hourly every night without fail. This was as exhausting as it was painful. Troll has an excellent night time routine. He cluster feeds from 4pm, then it’s bath time at 7pm and bedtime by 7:30PM. Then he will sleep for 7-9 hours straight. Imagine after such an incredible routine you now suddenly have to wake every hour during the night. Do you see why it was painful? By Sunday Dude and I were walking zombies. We would take turns and just pass Troll from one to the other.

Thankfully Troll got better and by Monday night he was back to his normal routine. I did say “Thank you JESUS” aloud a few times. In fact, I say “Thank you JESUS” every night when I swaddle Troll after his bath, put him in his bed and switch the lights off and just walk out the room. 9 out of 10 times he will be asleep within 2-5 minutes. If not, he normally just needs to be burped again and put down.

Our kids got sick, both Dudie and Troll. Then as luck would have it, when they were fully recovered the parents were sick. For the entire month of June, it is like we were playing musical chairs with someone always being sick. Everyone one got better, except me… I’ve been nursing “something” all this time. It’s not quite enough to get a doctor’s appointment but it is also not going unnoticed… I’m gatvol of feeling like this. Then last week I was better, in fact I was doing great. BUT that something was lying dormant, just waiting for me to let my guard down.

As soon as my exams were done and I could finally just sleep like a “normal” person BAM! I was sick AGAIN! And then Murphy seems to be in my red zone, Troll is sick too… Oh My Lawd…I can’t. I just can’t. For my own sanity, on Saturday I co-slept with Troll. We both got some much needed rest. In fact, we only woke up at 8:51 on Sunday morning.

I do think that Troll will need some meds, so guess where we are this morning. Yep, the paediatrician’s waiting room. I must add that I do love this doctor. He is so gentle with ALL the kids and so very thorough. And just in case Mom isn’t feeling ok, he will happily give mom a quick check and prescription too. It’s a win win situation.

What I would like to know is:

  1. Do you send your sick kid(s) to school?
  2. How do you feel about parents sending sick kid(s) to school?

I have been on both ends of the stick. I was the parent dropping a sick kid and I am now the parent getting pissed off seeing sick kids at school. I know what it feels like to drop a sick child. We live in a different province than our families. So we don’t have the support that most of my family has, who lives within close proximity to the family. We, i.e. Dude and I, have to do everything, be everyone etc…I also know what I feel like walking into Troll’s class and I see snotty faces. I cringe and immediately wipe their faces. Yep, I wipe the other kids’ faces. Whilst cuddling Troll, I quietly tell myself to calm the fuck down because perhaps those parents had NO ALTERNATIVE.

Yes, it’s annoying to have a sick child but then again if need be, I can always take Troll home or to my office. I do think that it builds their immunity to catch a few germs here and there but within reason of course. I am fortunate to work in an environment that is “family” and “kid” friendly. Well just in my department, not in the Institution as a whole.

Not everyone is fortunate enough to have an alternative, whatever it may be. So for now, I smile as Troll looks like he has made a miraculous recovery in the Paediatrician’s room but will most likely be limp by bedtime tonight. Both Troll and I are fine for most of the day but as soon as dusk starts setting in, we become “sick”… what is this sorcery?

I’m pretty sure we can debate the topic about whether or not to send sick kids to school until kingdom come…I think we all just need to chill out and cut one another some slack! I see the mom, who is pregnant and battling to hawl her kid from car to classroom all whilst huffing and puffing and looking a little under the weather herself. I see the parent, who is embarrassed to drop the “sick” kid too. I also see the parent who is fuming because someone at school is sick.

Happy Monday! I feel like crap! I need to go nurse my Troll.

Spirited Mama

 

 

To my first born. You ARE a good child!

Where is the time flying to???

You know that moment when you realise your baby isn’t a baby anymore….Dudie is 7 years old. 7!!! He used to call me mommy/mama now it’s just mom. Sometimes he even uses my first name, bless this child. He is so independent but yet still so dependent on mom. Where did the last 7 years go?

One minute I was looking at a 3.4kg chubby face whom I had just birthed and the next he is in Grade 2. Somedays I miss your incessant staring at me and in the same breath I look forward to watching you grow into a handsome young man. A man who will become the object of some woman’s affection yet you will always be the object of my heart and soul.

From the moment I heard your first cry, you literally came screaming into this world, I knew you were destined for great things. Some things will be discovered later but for now, we support you in whatever you want to do. We want to give all the opportunities possible. We want you to explore, to live, to dream. To find your happiness. And wow, you have proven to be an all rounder…and we are SUPER proud of you. In any and everything you give it your best shot.

Your friends look up to you. Somedays I think you are the cool kid but you nonchalantly wave me off and just hang out with your friends. Adults comment on your excellent behaviour. I smile proudly and take the compliment whilst quietly thinking to myself “You aint seen this monkey when he loses his shit”. You are a good child and don’t you ever forget that. Somedays you just fall by the wayside…just as many of us adults do. It’s life, it happens. You know how sometimes you tell me my face has an angry stare but I insist that I am fine. Well, that is mom falling by the wayside. Or when mom doesn’t seem her talkative self, yip that is mom falling by the wayside.

In essence, I want you to know that not everyone is good at everything all the time. So when you do fall by the wayside, cut yourself some slack and don’t be so hard on yourself. At the tender age of 7 years I see how hard you are on yourself. And I know you don’t want to disappoint us. Remember what we always say: “Just try your best. You should be proud of yourself. Your best is good enough for us and should be for you too.”

You are a good child. And I am blessed to call you my son. My love for you is fierce. And it burns like a roaring fire in my soul. I am sorry that it doesn’t always seem that way though.

I love you my child. Be fearless. Discover. Go on adventures. Go live YOUR best life.

Spirited Mama

P.S. Today was a typical day where the wheels fell off the bus. I got you up and going happy bedhead and all. Somewhere in between me calmly, I promise I was calm and there was no shouting, asking you to get done for the millionth time you lost your shit with me. You went off on a tangent and then I got the dreaded “you give Troll more attention than me”. OMG! Really? I will need to rethink this situation as I really don’t think it’s true but I will merit your concerns and address them. I do think we are going through a difficult patch as you are struggling to manage your emotions. And I do think Troll definitely  makes a huge impact on the situation right now. (Adulting and parenting is hard…🙈)

Last night was opening night for your Concert. As always, the moment you take the stage my tears roll. I am so proud of you, how confident you are, how much you pour your heart and sould into everything you do. When I offered you a sandwich, you politely declined because you didn’t want to ruin the makeup 😂😂😂

When you live up to your name…

Do you know what your child’s name means? Did you choose it or did you give someone else the honour of naming your child or children? Did you choose his/her name before they were born? Or are you one of those parents who waited until your child was born, to see what “name” they looked like?

I have 2 sons. Dudie is now 7 years old and the new baby is currently 3 weeks going on 4. I can’t believe how quickly the past three weeks have flown by. Where is time rushing to?

When I was pregnant with Dudie, my Dude and I discussed several names. With both pregnancies our kids were planned. We had a few options but none that really resonated and made me feel “aaahhh that’s the name of my child”. Dude is the 4th generation of family names and when Dudie was in utero I decided that we will not continue the tradition. Don’t worry Dude was totally on board with the decision. One day on my commute to work I sought of had an epiphany. Now I am not the very religious type but I do believe in God and I do regard myself as a Christian. Somehow I had a sense of something around me and I knew in that moment that my child’s name was “Joshua”. Nowhere had I ever dreamt or intended for my child/children to have biblical names. But that feeling was so strong and reassuring that I knew he is destined to be “Joshua”.

Some might know and for those who don’t, for a very very very long time I was convinced that Joshua would be my only child. Albeit that I had relatively fuss free pregnancy and what many believe to be an easy birth too. But in 2015, Dude threw me a curveball wanting or rather longing for another baby. I wasn’t quite ready. I wasn’t convinced. And the whole baby thing was left hanging. I spent alot of time considering having another baby. Many people commented that its because I waited so long. The gap is too big. Blah blah blah… I always knew that I was not cut out to have two babies close in age… I couldn’t handle the thought of two nappy bags, bottles, diapers, etc.

Dude is very supertitious. When I told him that our first born’s name is Joshua, he told me that he needed to think about it and thoroughly do his research. He is a firm believer that one lives up to your name. It took him a while to agree that we will name our first son Joshua.

Joshua means “God saves”. Joshua was and still is my happy child. When we looked into the meaning of his name it described my child to the core. We have witnessed how Joshua has transformed our extended families. We have witnessed how Joshua has impacted our families and brought them together. This child is a hellavu kind of special person and I know he is destined to be great, no matter what he does, no matter what he chooses to be one day.

I joked about how if we ever had another child he will be Noah. Never did I imagine that it would be a reality. But in 2017, 2 weeks earlier than anticipated, we welcomed Noah into our little family. From the onset he crept into my heart and I reAlised that indeed I had a sense of longing, just as much as Dude, for Noah. Dudie is as happy as a pig in mud about having a brother. He is super proud and completely “in love” just like us with Noah.

Noah means rest and comfort. Even though he can make his voice as loud and clear as any baby, he is a peaceful child. It is yet to be seen if he lives up to his name but already he has brought comfort into our souls…

Ironically, I named both our boys, and both have Hebrew names. First and middle names but Dude did add the SURNAME😂

Little did I know that this is my destiny. My family feels complete. It’s me and my guy and our boys ❤️

This is my legacy.

This is my BEST life.

 

Spirited Mama

p.s. The sign featured is one that I bought for Dudie to hang in his bedroom.

10 Years ago…

Today, 10 years ago….we became Mr & Mrs ❤️ To be joined together as one.

The one phrase that stuck in my head since 10 years ago is “They are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man put asunder” Matthew 19.6 (Dude seems comfused. As if this is the first time he hears this verse…was he not at our wedding😂)

We have grown so much…it amazes me. We have so much to be grateful for and we are most definitely abundantly blessed. We even gained 2 beautiful sons in our marriage.

Dude is sitting next to me as I write this post this is what he just said…”Our marriage is like our tortoise…slow and steady wins the race”.

Cheers to us. To a lifetime of us. Always and forever❤️

Spirited Mama

P.S. The resident alien arrived on 24 January 2017. So in celebrating our 10 years of marriage, we also celebrate the resident alien being 10 days old today.

 

Learning to value MY own opinion

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I am learning to value and appreciate MY own opinion more and more each day. There was a time where I too was looking for my parents’ recognition BUT I am happy to report that those days are long gone. And guess what Life has been so much better since.

However, I am my worst critic…

I came across this post over at Tyranny of pink. So well said. It was and is what has been lying in my subconscious for a very very long time. Somehow, I just needed to get over myself and tell myself out old that “I AM ENOUGH”!

Spirited Mama

P.S. Tomorrow is #37weekspregnant. Dr will decide tomorrow if the resident alien should come this week or if we can wait until #38weekspregnant. I’m freaking out just a tad as it feels it’s happening too soon…

Goodbye 2016

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I loved you and hated you simultaneously. You pushed me to do things I wasn’t sure that I was capable of. BUT I did it. And I came out stronger, more centered, focused. And somewhat wiser.

2017 will see me taking some people with a pinch of salt, in small doses and limited quantities. I refuse to let others’ negativity consume me. I WILL be living MY life’s. Possibly my best life. Time to live intentionally but for ME. Cheers to 2016 but here is to welcoming 2017 with open arms.

2017
I will be completing my studies. God knows how fearful I was when I started as a fresh first year student in 2015.
Dudie will be starting Grade 2. This kid amazes us everyday. He is intelligent beyond his years, resilient and tougher than I give him credit for.

Dude wants to start studying again. We may even start brewing some life changing plans for our little family.

We will be welcoming our resident alien to our Spirited family. Less than 6 weeks to go now. #34weekspregnant

So cheers for now. Be safe wherever you may find yourselves tonight as we welcome 2017. We will be welcoming 2017 from the comfort of our home.

Enjoy the last day of 2016. Here’s to HEALTH, SUCCESS & HOPE! 

See you in 2017.

Spirited Mama

P.S. I don’t do New Years Resolutions as I think people are too pressured into making resolutions that may quite possibly not even be their own goals. I never conformed to the norms….so I like to do my own thing.

2016 the year that has been…

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(image sourced from google)

As I picked up my proverbial pen to start blogging again, I had a renewed sense of “me”. It was my calm. It was and is my outlet. It is my CANVAS.

This year has at times been trying. It’s been rough. It’s been busy. It’s been great too.

We have lost loved ones…and in turn gained new family members too. It is also the year that we found out that the Spirited family is growing.

As we prepare to create memories of the festivities for 2016, we also prepare for the imminent arrival of a New Year. A new CANVAS. A new baby. A renewed sense of “us”. 2016 is the last year that we are a family of three. We said goodbye to a stalwart in my family “MAMMA”. We have had way too many CANCER diagnoses amongst family and friends. I have gone back to working my half day JOB and frankly I think if I didn’t may have lost my sanity…

Slowly but surely I am accepting “me” for me. I am enough for me. I can only do so much. I too am only human. I found that I have sort of strayed away from God, not intentionally, but I just don’t think I purposely made a great effort to affirm my faith. I am working on restoring my faith. I am taking stock of life and counting my blessings, as we have been abundantly blessed. We have helped some family through trying times but I also think that it’s time to cut myself some slack and let it go. God will take care of it now as I cannot make them do what they need to do.

We had some great holidays and even managed a trip to Hong Kong this year. We are super proud of Dudie for completing Grade 1 this year. For all his achievements in academia and sports – this kid really did work hard.

So cheers to 2016 – the year that has been. You are etched in my soul. Looking forward to 2017! To less worrying and more time for making and creating memories…

Spirited Mama

This Christmas…

christmas

It’s starting to look alot like CHRISTMAS in the Spirited Household. Albeit, we were 12 days late with putting up our tree…I am just happy that it is finally up. We are counting down the days to Christmas, only 11 more sleeps…For the past 7 years we have been home for Christmas. It all started when Dudie was baptised on Christmas Eve during the midnight mass, 24 December 2009. Granted he was too young to remember any of it but from that Christmas eve we have been attending midnight mass every year since. It is our very own tradition. And this year will be no different. Every alternate year we have family with us and this year was supposed to be “the family” Christmas.

Well, things changed during 2016 and even though we will share Christmas with two family members, it just won’t be the same because Mamma won’t be at our table… Mamma loved McDonalds and upon returning home from midnight mass Dude always used to buy McDonalds meals for everyone. We would open our gifts and eat McDonalds until 2am sometimes 3am. Even Dudie would be wide awake by the time we get home from mass.

We were toying with the idea of just dining out this year BUT for us Christmas is about the joy, the laughter, the togethernesss, all of us cramming into our little kitchen to cook amazing dishes to be served on Christmas day. We will spend ALL day cooking on the 24th of December, only to take an afternoon siesta so that we can be fresh and bright eyed for midnight mass. We generally only wake when the sun is high up in the sky and the room gets too hot to sleep in. We always skip out on breakfast as we just had McDonalds at 2am. Normally, we are ready to eat our festive feast by lunch time, which could range anywhere from 12pm onwards. Even our dogs sleep late on Christmas morning.

This Christmas will be different. But this Christmas we will remember the good times and encourage new traditions and memories and remember those whom once shared that table with us.

What are your Christmas traditions?

Spirited Mama

Memories

cherries

Some days I find myself sitting quietly and reflecting and savouring my happy childhood memories. It wasn’t all moonshine and roses but I chose to remember the good old days…

I remember that fresh baked bread smell and warm biscuits smell coming from Mamma’s kitchen. Stealing half the cookie dough that was left to “rest” when Mamma wasn’t looking.

Some of my best memories were created during school holidays when we went to visit Ma, Mamma’s mom, on the farm in the Cederberg. There is nothing quite like running out in the wild, diving into God made rock pools and picking your fruit straight from the tree and collecting your veg from the garden. There is also that other side, the one that freaks me out a little, about having to slaughter your own meat. I never ate freshly slaughtered meat. Just couldn’t stomach that meat. Don’t get me started on seeing a headless chicken running around the tree – it’s great fun at the time but then they expect you to eat it. No can do.  Up until today I still don’t like freshly slaughtered meat, fresh milk and fresh eggs – it is just too rich. Nothing quite like picking those cherries from the tree – I love cherries – and I used to eat it to my heart’s content. These days they just don’t taste the same…Picking Almonds from the tree. My pockets were always filled with cherries and almonds and you would generally find me sitting on a big rock watching the pigs paly in the mud. We used to love feeding the lambs and billy goats their milk bottles.

I remember Ma making me rooibos tea, not a teabag from the shop. This was pure rooibos from the tea field complete in her home made little bag and all. And of course those “harde koekies” she used to bake. It wasn’t ginger but I’m also not entirely sure what they were.  I distinctly remember her last batch she made for me, she was in her 80’s and it was just before I moved to Gauteng. She came to visit Mamma and as we stood in the kitchen waiting for her to unpack her basket she said to me “ooh jchent “meaning kind or child” maak tog vir jou moer koffie want daai koekies is so hard en moet gedoop word. And believe me it was moer hard. I ate them with the same conviction as what I always ate those cookies. I didn’t want her to be disappointed…but fuck knows why that batch was SO hard.

Ma also had a puffadder, yes a real live snake, living in the big tree in front of the house. like right by the gate -you need to pass the tree to get to the front door. She called him Oupa. He used to slither on the stoep to wherever he went during the day and come back at night. And this was whilst Ma and the dog would sit on the stoep. They never bothered each other. They had a mutual living arrangement. I shat myself thinking we used to sleep on that stoep, in summer under the beautiful starry skies. Where was Oupa all that time… Probably sleeping on the bed next to us…

After I moved to Gauteng I used to have weekly Sunday afternoon calls with Ma. I just wanted to check in on her so to say as she lived by herself. I could hear the excitement in her voice every single time as this was as important for her as it was for me. She always said that I must come visit her cos she will NEVER get into an airplane. And she never did. If there was a storm MA would end our conversation so quickly because we cannot possibly use the phone during a storm. She would close all the mirrors and the tv with a blanket because of the lightning. Before they got “Telkom lines” they had an operator system. How each resident knew whose call it was, was beyond me but apparently everyone had a different ring tone/number of rings. But let me tell you those old people were naughty – they used to listen in on each other’s conversations all the time. Sometimes we had a few calls during the week too.

Ma passed away in 2010, just before her 94th birthday. Someday we will take him back to the Cedarberg again, as he was only 5 months old when we went to the funeral. I miss those good old days. I miss her cookies and I miss her rooibos tea. I miss her cuckoo clock – this thing was the most fascinating clock ever. I even miss those rogue geese and ram that used to chase us ALL the time.

I miss Ma.

Spirited Mama

 

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