Spirited Mama

YOU have got to take in the BAD to experience the GOOD

Tag: matters of the heart (Page 1 of 7)

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My kids make me angry or is it just me needing to express my emotions?

Do my kids really make me angry?

My kids have a set routine and we follow their routines quite efficiently. They know what to expect and when to expect it and this in turn sees them as generally “good” kids. The problem is that I feel they make me angry when they don’t do what I want them to do…when I want them to do it.

I don’t think I have the right to be angry BUT in that moment I am angry and I can’t help it! I breathe, I tell myself to calm the fuck down. It’s not the end of the world BUT to me it feels that I have lost control.

So I’ve been toying with this anger for a while and Tuesday was one of those nights… Our electricity went out just after 8pm. For the record, Troll, 1 yr, goes to bed anywhere from 6 – 7 pm. No issues, no fuss. Dudie, 8 years, goes to bed 7:30 PM but now during school holiday we leave him until generally around 9/10 PM.

Back to Tuesday. Electricity goes out just after 8PM. Granted we have a generator but we had done everything that we needed to so there was technically no reason to use the generator other than to be able to power the aircons. It’s freezing at night.

Troll sleeps in his own room and does not co-sleep with us AT ALL. We expereinced a terrible week of co-sleeping whilst on holiday earlier in teh year and I vowed that we would NOT repeat that again. So we decided it would be a good idea for the rest of the family to catch up on some sleep and turn down early.

Around 9PM, one of the neighbours switched on their generator. WTF! Both dude and I were like, “that generator is going to wake Troll” as it sounds as if it is coming from next door, closest to his window…. And BAM! Baby wakes up and is pissed as hell. So I quickly cuddle him in our bed for some warmth and pray that he just goes back to sleep. That must have lasted 20 minutes…

Troll decided he wants to play because why else would he be in our bed… The dilemma we had was that his room was freezing cos NO aircon! Troll is also a bad, all over the bed, sleeper. So in between Dude and I trying to get him to settle, Dude eventually pipes up that Troll is NOT going to sleep and we should just let him be.

 Where the anger stems from?

So many possible solutions here but let me point out a few:

  • If I have settled my kids, then why are they not settled??? I don’t know how to help you.
  • I feel that I have lost control of the situation.
  • What am I doing wrong? Parenting is kicking my ass. If I can’t manage my kids at 8 years and 1 year, what will I do when they are teenagers…
  • I am tired and just want a good night’s sleep.
  • I’m under pressure and stressed at work.
  • This situation is not conducive to my current mood and is quite inconvenient and inconsiderate right now…
  • I expect my kids to be more mature… How I can think this crap is beyond me. Note to self – THEY ARE KIDS!

I really need to get a grip on these negative thoughts!

How I am managing my anger

I know that many parents feel this way too. It’s not intentional BUT these feelings creep up when I least expect it. Some days I manage the anger well and others NOT.

I want to start making notes of when, where and WHY I became angry. Hopefully, this might point out some triggers for similar situations.

More and more I find myself talking to myself, sometimes aloud. This is not as crazy as you might think because sometimes we need to SAY SOMETHING OUT LOUD and hear YOUR OWN VOICE. You might have that much needed ah-ha moment.

I’m trying my hardest to model good behaviour.

I need regular time-outs! Nothing fancy, just a time-out to do me… some times a walk outside the house to look at our roses bushes does wonders…

Parenting and emotions

Parenting is NOT for the faint hearted! Parenting is very very hard sometimes. It’s an emotional roller coaster. As a woman, I already have dozens of emotions and hormones doing all kinds of crazy things to me and on top of that I still have to keep my emotions in check when parenting. That being said, Parenting is also my greatest achievement!

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Spirited Mama quotes

 

I just can’t imagine living without my offspring…

Spirited Mama

x

 

How to get a degree in 3 years, DO NOT attempt this MY way

MONDAY 7 May 2018, was MY day!!!! Monday, I graduated! Three long, hard years of studying and it is finally here on this Monday morning. Graduation day is THE day that you can stand tall, brim with excitement, and breathe that sigh of relief as you pat yourself on the back… You made it to the finish line. This is what you have been aspiring to. I walked across a stage to be handed my “papers” literally and figuratively as I have successfully completed a Bachelors degree.

The gist of this blog post, if you don’t feel like reading is:

First Year – practise making a baby

Second Year – pregnant

Third Year – breastfeeding

My how to get a degree in 3 years or rather how NOT to do it the way that I did it…You decide whichever option suits you best. Read below, you might find something valuable…

This summary was the idea of my dear friend, Laetitia from PoppetPatch. There were some other words used, containing profanity, but for the sake of family viewing she came up with “clean” words. Thank you babe for the laughs and the pats on the back. You are my sunshine!

My 3 year degree program

My degree was set out in such a way that it accomodated the working individual. There were scheduled block weeks for each module, roughly 3-4 days of actual class, per month. The first year is probably the busiest as there are way more modules than any other year. Class attendance is compulsory and is an exam pre-requisite. In the second year, you have less modules but suddenly the workload intensifies. Also, your lectures now expect a certain calibre of work from you. In your third and final year is when you have the least number of modules BUT as in the previous year, standards are significantly higher as lecturers expect you to be on a certain academic range. You are no longer just a student. You should be knowledgeable by now and write up 7-10 page assignments! Do you know how many friggen words that is…a shit lot.

My 3-4 day block weeks is by no mean glamourous. I had to cram a semester’s work into those days. Full time students get almost 4-5 months of proper class attendance…me, I got 3-4 days for 4-5 months worth of work!!!! Exam periods were the worst as this was the time that I would function on minimal sleep and still have to get through the day.

First Year

I distinctly remember walking into my first class, feeling very nervous and anxious. Listening to people introduce themsleves. For a moment the self doubt crept in as I was sitting there, thinking what am I doing here? What am I getting myself into? The lecturer giving the class an overview of the 3 year degree program. What to expect in exams, etc. I sat there, not saying a word, but just listening. Thinking #WTAF am I going to write in a 3 hour exam when each question is worth a 100 marks! What could you possibly write that is worth 100 marks AND on top of that you need to answer 3 questions per module. 3 hours for 300 marks!

The best advice for successfully completing your degree

As I moved through the first year, the lecturers were always helpful and willing to go the extra mile. The best advice was to work on assignments as quickly as possible so that by the time you had another class to attend, you are done with the previous class work. This was everything to me as our classes would overlap with due dates for assignments. This was also NOT always doable and boy did teh wheels fall off the bus when I had to work on multiple tasks in different modules, similtaneously.

Second Year

How did I get to my 2nd year?

So I made it through the first year with some valuable lessons taken from the first year. This year was by far the most challenging as we decided to help my brother-in-law rebuild his life. Dude also had an accident on the way to work on the 1st of May. This was also around the time that I found out I was pregnant! My pregnancy was not as easy as it as was with Dudie.

Pregnant whilst studying

With both pregnancies, I had the lovely all day morning sickness with the actual vomiting too. I remember walking into an exam one morning and the invigilator looked at me with such pity and she said, “my dear, don’t you want to come back for the sick exam? You don’t look well.” I said nope. I am ready for this exam. I know that food and drinks are not allowed but I haven’t eaten proper food in at least a week and I have a protein shake with me. Can I please sip on it whilst I write as I’m afraid I might pass out if I don’t drink it. I also told them that in the event of me running out of the exam venue, please follow me as I’m probably on my way to the bathroom. There might NOT be time to ask if I may go… How fun was my exams. When I had the same invigilators for my other exams, the invigilators actually kept bringing me cold bottled water during my exam, as they knew my situation already.

Pregnancy complications almost halted my studies

I was diagnosed with Pre-Eclampsia. I was hospitalised several times throughout the year. I also ended up missing one exam as I was admitted on the morning I was suppose to write an exam. I was freaking out. I messaged my course coordinator and explained that the doctor and nursing staff won’t let me leave the hospital, even though I said I’d come back straight after the exam. I was pissed and annoyed as I had prepared but now I couldn’t write the exam. I did manage to write the aegrotet exam, almost like a sick exam where your semester marks still count in this case. Did you know that if you write a supplementary exam your semester marks DO NOT count? They only use your exam mark.

So with being pregnant and going through a bit of a rough pregnancy, this was also the year that Mamma died. This threw me completely. Being pregnant and hormonal was rough but now also to deal with the grief at times felt unbearable. There were times where I just wanted to close my books, quit and crawl into my bed. Done. The end. BUT I didn’t. Something inside me was burning.

#spiritedmamaquotes

Third Year

Also known as the final year. The least amount of modules, but the most intense workload ever. It was crazy juggling momlife/worklife and studies. I distinctly remember completing an assignment one night with Troll on my boob. That particular day he just wanted to be on top of me. I wrapped him up and held him close to my chest and carried on working. Next minute, my alarm goes off and it’s morning. How even? I did not sleep yet. And now I have to get ready to tackle the day ahead on NO sleep. But I did submit my assignment on time!

 

So as the famous quote goes… “It always seems impossible until it is done ~ Nelson Mandela”

 

You can get YOUR degree in 3 years

It wasn’t easy. Tough times meant that we, as a family needed to work together, to ensure a streamlined process was followed. Routines were vital not just for me but also Dudie and Troll. There were times where Dude and I were both preparing for exams, boy was that intense. Dude and I follow two total opposite ways of studying. He needs complete silence around him whereas I need “white noise” to help me focus. I can literally study in front of the TV and it won’t bother me at all.

During these double exam periods, we would either each take a turn to get to our studies earlier. Meaning one of us would “parent” alone whilst the other would study. Our alternative was we parent together and get the kids to bed so that we both get to our studies.

#spiritedmamaquotes

Dudie, currently 8 years old, was on board most times and helped out where and when he could. He would offer to just sit with me whilst I studied. Love this child! So thoughtful. Troll, currently 1 year old, was way to young to comprehend what was happening. He was happy as long as he was fed. I did try and establish a routine with Troll as soon as possible. This was vital for my own sanity.

Amidst all the studying and class attendance, Dudie’s schooling/projects/extra murals/ sports/ etc and me making Troll home-made baby purees..Life has to go on. Life didn’t stop because I was studying. I have fallen asleep in the car, NOT whilst driving thankfully, but after the school run. I have cried in the car because I was just THAT exhausted. I have fed my kids flings and cheese toast on many occasions when I just did not have the energy to cook a meal. But I knew what needed to be done and I knew what sacrifices were needed.

Surely I have free time now after completing my degree

What free time? Life still has to happen. The only difference now is that I can also go to bed at a decent hour like everyone else. I didn’t magically have more than 24 hours in my day whilst I was studying. I studied after dark. Some nights I had to pull all nighters. Terrible for my body but it had to be done, so that I could succeed. I was still a wife/mom/employee and student. Right now I am taking a break from studying. I just needed to catch my breath and read books, other than prescibed reading material – which by the way was killing off my creativity.

The past three years have been incredibly challenging. Many sacrifices were made but in the end I kept my eyes on the goal. I stood tall and I waited for my name to be called. It is such a proud moment. I’ve cried a few times already as I have reflected on what this journey has been like, where this journey has taken me, and how this journey has changed me. This is not just my journey but also my little spirited family’s journey. They made sacrifices too so that I could reach my goal!

My proudest moment was seeing Dudie’s face as he watched his Mama walk across that stage. He shared my moment and rightfully so as he was was a critical part of my journey and my success just like Dude and Troll!

What have you done for yourself recently?

Are you a student mom or student parent?

How did you/do you cope?

Spirited Mama

x

 

Lucy At Home

52 lessons for 52 weeks: Week 4 – Treasure people NOT possessions

If you are following my series, I thank you. If you are new to my series find the previous posts below:

Week 1  – Living with intent

Week 2 – Be an example

Week 3 – Be YOU

Week 4 – Treasure people NOT possessions

This week’s lesson is as old as time but how many of us actually live by it? I was raised in the same house as my brother but we are in fact almost a decade apart, and definitely raised differently and in different times/worlds. Growing up we always had what we needed and/or wanted. We were blessed and fortunate. BUT where we lack is that emphasis was placed on possessions rather than people. Many would describe us as “being well off” but I didn’t see or think of it that way. As an adult, I see where these perceptions stem from. Now that I am a parent, my husband, aka Dude, and I have very different parenting styles to that of our parents. We are trying to place the emphasis on PEOPLE rather than possessions. And I sincerely hope that my boys, aka Dudie and Troll, will learn that valuable lesson.

People vs Possessions

People come and go in our lives. It’s is the circle of life. Possessions on the other hand is merely a bunch of materialistic goods that you have acquired in your life, whether you have worked for it,  earned it or perhaps inherited it. How do you place so much value on material things that exist in a temporary world? Your focus should be on the people in your life. Those people who share your life’s journey. Those very same people who encourage you to be the best version of you. Most of us have encountered a saying “some people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime”. #truth Some people teach us for an entire lifetime, some teach us for a short while and others…well some we need to let go of… My wish is that we find the reason or purpose and enjoy the person who is part of YOUR life. This is easier said than done but at least enjoy the friendship no matter what the lifespan may be.

Choose the “right” people for you

Not all people in your life is on your side, or in your corner. You will encounter people that are out to get you, that don’t wish anything good for you, and some are just plain mean and jealous of you. Don’t let that cramp your style. Move on and move forward. Some people are only there for a short period but can have the most profound effect on your life. Appreciate the people. Appreciate the lesson you gain from dealing with people. You may not always know why certain people cross your path but in due time all will be revealed.

What do you treasure? People vs Possessions? Be honest with yourself…

Spirited Mama

52 lessons for 52 weeks: Week 3 – Be YOU

Hopefully by now you are aware of my series, 52 lessons for 52 weeks. If not, for Week 1 click here and Week 2 click here

Week 3: Thursday 18 January

Today as we celebrated the fact that we were blessed to open our eyes to a beautiful day, we also celebrated the Dudie starting Gr 3. How even did we get to this point in our lives SO quickly. It feels like yesterday that I looked a pregnancy test with two pink lines on it! We stood at line up watching the excitement, anxiety, joy, laughter and some tears being shared. I suspect the tears were all from newbie scholars. Then my eye caught Dudie, who happily walked right up to the front of the line and patiently waited for his name to be called. The lesson for week 3: Be YOU! The confidence Dudie exuded was beyond me. From the first day at school, he has always just been himself and found “his” space. This is a character trait that I would like to think he gets from his Mom 🙂 *pats myself on the back*

Be YOU

This week lesson is not only for myself but also for my kids. Be YOU! you can only be YOU. Don’t try to be like others. Don’t compromise yourself or your happiness. Once you know how to be you, you will in turn be good to others. If you are happy, you will spread your happy.

All around us we see too many people wanting to be like others. Compromising their lives, livelihood and happiness. Here’s a quote to live by:

You were born to STAND OUT!

I get that there are times where sacrifices are made for the greater good. Let’s not be stubborn or hard arsed. But believe me when I say, trust your gut. If you truly feel unhappy, unsure of something make sure YOU are happy with YOUR decision first. You will never please everyone, neither will you ever keep everyone happy. Ensure that YOU live your life. YOU make YOUR decisions. And be happy with YOUR decisions. Remember that every decision will have a consequence and sometimes repercussions. Make sure that YOU are happy with it!

Now let us get on our merry way and go sprinkle some happy!

Follow my journey in my 52 lessons for 52 weeks and discover with me, uncover with me, and grow with me. I’m petrified as to what I am opening myself up to BUT how else will I learn and grow if I don’t challenge myself to do greater things.

Are you YOU?

Spirited Mama

52 lessons for 52 weeks: Week 2 – Be an example…

This post is a little late but I’ve been having some technical difficulties and we were away from home for a few days. We squeezed in a quick trip to Cape Town just before Dudie starts school again. More about that in another post on another day.

Week 2: Be an Example

You may know about my journey of 52 lessons for 52 weeks. If not click here for week 1, which is also my introductory post. Week 2: Be an example focused on what example I am setting for my boys. The type of person I am, my character traits. The way I react to situations. The way I handle a melt down. As a parent it is not easy to ALWAYS keep your “cool” BUT you know those little eyes and ears are watching and listening to your every move. Parenting my boys is way more intense than any pressured job I’ve ever done! Be an example…how many times have you heard that? We all know it but do we really live it? I certainly don’t. I try but I falter an fall along the way side often. Here’s an example, Dudie is 8 years old and knows NOT to swear or cuss. As his parents we swear/cuss but we try not to especially in front of the kids. Dudie knows which words NOT to repeat. *High five to us* Now steps in Troll, aka the baby, who will be 1 year old in less than 10 days! Troll is at the mimicking and copying stage and we’ve noticed that he hangs on every word we say, and watches every move we make. He wants to copy us. Now we have picked up that Troll is mouthing the “F” sound…yes that’s right the “F” sound. Not to repeat words like “food, fruit, fun, face, etc” BUT the word he wants to copy is FUCK! Holy moly, we need to watch ourselves!!! We tend to let loose when Dudie is not around but forget we have a baby who is watching and listening.

Learning lessons the hard way

For me to teach myself some lessons, I’m digging into emotions buried way below my inner core…It’s hard, it’s scary but I know I need to do it to better myself. I’m doing it so that my boys will grow up to be brave enough to face their emotions instead of burying things and moving on and rather face whatever situation head on and deal with it right then and there. Case in point, my parents. We don’t get along. We are civil but we don’t get along. We are just way to different. We can be in the same company and not speak for the entire time and I would be fine with that. I don’t know how they feel about it but they are certainly not doing anything about it. I have moved on. Some hard decisions were made for me to be able to live my life. Yes they are the boys’ grandparents and we visit with them when we are in Cape Town but I’m sure as hell not going to break my neck trying to just fit them in to our lives. Some people just don’t work for you, so what would make your parents any different? I know I am raising kids and they might turn around and tell me that I don’t work for them but that is the chance I’m willing to take. A chance to give my boys an unconditional love, a life filled with family – because hey we have lots of other family who loves us and wants to spend time with us. A sincere upbringing to see what love actually is – it’s a feeling, an emotion that overpowers all other emotions!

Putting my lessons out in the universe for 2018

Some might say it’s karma or murphy’s law but since I put out my 52 lessons for 52 weeks I’m really being tested on these lessons. These lessons are not unique to me, I’m sure of it! Neither are they “NEW” lessons. I’m sure most people will find some, most or maybe all lessons something they can relate to. This series is suppose to be a learning experiment for me and hopefully I can find some humor in them and not always be so serious…I find that being an example is huge. I’m raising kids who I hope will someday grow into beautiful, respectful, humble young men. Men who will know how to treat others but not let others take advantage of them. I see them watching their Dad, aka Dude, all the time. I see them watching how he treats me and by golly if they take with them only a quarter of what their Dad is indirectly teaching them, they WILL know how to treat a woman like a queen!

I am not a confrontational person but I have been facing confrontation so often I feel like it may very well be part of my routine. So I’m pulling up my socks and showing my boys how to handle confrontation. Stand your ground. Don’t be a dumb ass. Listen and decipher the information but ultimately deal with the situation right then and there!

Let me continue to Be an example….we are having a pj day 🙂

Spirited Mama

52 lessons

52 lessons for 52 weeks

So we made it to the year 2018! Aren’t we blessed to see it? A new year, new opportunities, to new beginnings and to taking with us all the good/positives from 2017.

There are NO resolutions here

I am not one for new years resolutions. I know not to bull shit myself. I would much rather spend my time and energy on doing something positive for myself and my family without having to fret about a promise I made at the beginning of the year, which I know might only last for the month of January, if even that long. Kudos to those people out there who can stick to their respective resolutions BUT it just doesn’t work for me. I have tried it and failed dismally. Maybe the resolutions I made were not of purest intent. Maybe it wasn’t “MY” resolutions to begin with. Maybe I was jumping on a bandwagon of what I thought would be great resolutions to have…Whatever it was, it just wasn’t working for me.

2018 Intentions

Personally, I prefer to see myself living with “intent” this year. Not that I haven’t been doing it before but I want to be mindful of my choices and be consciously aware of what I am doing/what I am about to do, weighing up the “pros and cons”. I am challenging myself to get out of my comfort zone and dig deep into emotions buried so deep that it makes me breath a little faster just thinking about what I am about to do. Life is never “easy” but when we work at it we are nurturing our souls and strengthening relationships, creating lasting bonds and giving ourselves and others the “best” we can be. I am no easy feat when it comes to showing emotions. I struggle with this. ALOT. Starting of this new year had me thinking… we hear about “living your best life” or live each day like it’s your last” but what am I doing about it to live my best life. What if I wasn’t here tomorrow? God help me, as I long to see my boys grow up and find that special person to share their lives with, perhaps even have a few kids of their own. I decided to challenge myself with 52 lessons for 52 weeks for 2018.

Why 52 lessons for 52 weeks

Well, each and every week for the rest of this year I will challenge myself head on to deal with an emotion/problem that has hindered me in the past. I am not going to delve into my past but I will need to make some tough choices as I hold onto 2018 to live my best life. The weekly post may be filled with raw emotions, snot and ugly cries or perhaps some unicorns and rainbows. I know that it is necessary and I know that I need to voice it. I know that this may be the only way to be better.

Week 1 – Thursday 4 January 2018

None of that new year, new me bullshit. Week 1 – I am focusing on living with intent. I am not perfect but I am trying to be the best that I can be. This week I am focusing my energy on really living and by living I mean trying to find something good/positive in every moment, albeit hard the challenge is to find a positive to create a good memory. It is way too easy to just get pissed/upset if things don’t work out the way we want it to. The challenge is to analyse what is about to/or has happened and choose how to react to it. Choosing a positive reaction that is. Learning a lesson, so to speak!

I cringe every time I hear someone say “new year, clean slate”. I am still me and you have still done xyz to offend me etc etc, so what it’s a new year and we must now just all move on and start afresh? Not in Spiritville. I’m not holding grudges but I do think that it is way too easy for people to just get away with things that may have hurt/offended someone. SO instead of me trying to “fix” what others did, I am starting with me. Fixing MY wrongs, living with intent, consciously being aware of how my actions and reactions may affect ME, and those around me.

Join me in my 52 lessons for 52 weeks and discover with me, uncover with me, and grow with me. I’m petrified as to what I am opening myself up to BUT how else will I learn and grow if I don’t challenge myself to do greater things.

 

 

I would love to hear some of your lessons, if you have any to share. If you don’t want to comment below, feel free to drop me an email spiritedmamablog@gmail.com

 

Spirited Mama

 

It’s been 1 year…

Can I just rewind for 1 year?

This photo was taken the day after Mamma passed on. Credit goes out to my Dude for capturing the grey skies, which is exactly what we felt in our hearts…an uncertainty of how to move on from here….

It’s been 1 year since I said goodbye to Mamma. I whole year without her yet it only feels like it was yesterday…the heartache is still there but it’s not as raw as it used to be. I can look at her photo without feeling an emotional storm brewing inside of me.

This morning I was extremely restless, granted we only got home at 1am from ER but that is a post for another day….I only went to bed after 2am and by then I was too exhausted to sleep. Do you also experience this? I get to a point where I’ve missed my cues to sleep.

I woke up just after 4am, and realised last year this time was my “calm” period. I felt something, it was in fact euphoria. And in that moment I realised it was in fact my last time with Mamma. On 28 August 2016 @ 04:22 (I know the exact time as I just checked my phone and used the torch app to look at Mamma) , she breathed her last breath out over my hand. It was bittersweet but I am extremely grateful and honored that I got to share her last moments with her. If you missed my list you can read it here Cancer Won…

When I got out of my bed I stepped on something. There was nothing before when I walked the same space just an hour ago. I grabbed my torch, my Troll was sleeping in his bed and I didn’t want to wake him, I found a rubber fish on the mat. That fish was on my keys. How on earth did it get there when my keys were hanging inside? I knew, Mamma was there.

Life after death

Perhaps she came to say hi/goodbye. Perhaps she just came to check in. I am not superstitious but I do believe in signs and life after death. I forgot to check a specific orchid plant that Mamma bought Dude a few years ago. Last year that orchid had the most beautiful flowers. It also lasted the longest. I have checked it last week and there were many buds already. Now we just wait for the buds to open.

Moving forward

Although, I felt emotional this morning that very emotional state has now become a happy emotional state. Remembering the fond memories I have of her, the time we spent together, even the arguments we had. We loved each other fiercely. I miss her so. She was a beautiful person, but very straight forward. If she didn’t like something she would tell you in no uncertain terms, and there’d NO sugar coating. Some may have taken offense but that is just who she was. She was a happy person, always saying if you are feeling down/sad/depressed/angry/etc just go work off that energy in the garden. Mamma passed away  on a Sunday, we came home for a quick check on things the Monday evening. Tuesday And Wednesday I was broken. I remembered her words and got my pregnant, I was pregnant with Troll at the time, self out of the house and raked up leaves…I spent the entire morning in the garden, working and crying and after that I had a renewed sense of being.

Grief

Grief is difficult but even more so when we see how our kid(s) grieve. Dudie was extremely emotional and even now still misses Mamma terribly. But we allowed  him to grieve her. We even just sat and cried with him at times. We allowed him as much time and space to deal with his emotions. It has definitely become easier to talk about her and see photos of her. For ALL of us.

Spirited Mama

P.S. I still need to plan that Namibian boat cruise that we wanted to do together…I wish Mamma was still around as I can only imagine the excitement as we would have planned this trip…

Motherhood round 2…

Round 2

Becoming a mom for the second time, albeit 7 years later, was like becoming a mom for the first time. The adjustment from 1 to 2 children, for me, was and is major. It feels like I have a house full of kids now.

Never ending laundry…how can we have SO much laundry? Even though Troll sleeps 10 hours straight every night, thank heavens, I don’t. Because I don’t go to bed when he does!

Bring on the routine

Both kids have the same routine. Our supper time is 18:00 – 19:00. Bath time for both kids is 19:00 and then it’s bedtime at 19:30. For my own sanity, my kids MUST go to bed at 19:30 otherwise Mommy is going to lose her shit. We as parents also need a timeout and when the kids go to bed it’s “Adult Timeout”.

BUT during adult timeout we don’t get a timeout, in fact, we hurriedly try and finish whatever needs to be done. Laundry, kitchen, quick spot cleans here and there, and whatever else needs to be done.

Round 2 I thought I had this

Both my kids were induced. I clearly remember the day when Dudie was born. The nurse asking me to sign the epidural consent forms and all I could think about was how nervous I was to birth my child. I didn’t get that epidural as once the show was on a roll there was no stopping Dudie from making his entrance. That baby was born ALL natural, drug-free weighing a 3.4kgs.

With Troll it was SO different. When the nurse asked me if I wanted an epidural, I declined. She reminded me that it was, in fact, an Induction and that labour could get very intense. I said I know. Been there, done that and got the 7-year-old to show for it. I wasn’t as nervous for the birth as I was the first time. What was freaking me out was what about “the happily ever after” when that little person is forever part of our family. The birth seemed like the easy part. The hard part is raising my kids. Troll was born ALL natural, drug-free weighing 4.04kgs.

Same same, yet different

My boys are so similar yet so different. Both unique little beings with their own personalities. What I do know is that my boys are happy. Joy beams from their little faces, so surely it is within them. Don’t get me wrong, they can be monstrous at times but thankfully those moments are few and far in between.

Our lives are busy. And we like it that way but sometimes we need to take a step back and just enjoy the moment. I battle with this and I’m running things in my head and sometimes find myself way ahead of where my family actually is. I am trying to make a conscious effort to be present in the moment. I am making small changes.  I try and spend one on one time with each of my sons even if it’s only a few minutes at a time.

Last week, Dudie told me that he knows that we really love him. Also, he reasoned that I love him 50% and Troll 50%. I said nope, I love you both 100%. His response, well then you have 200% love to give. You have got to love this child’s analytical ability, no thanks to his paternal genes 🙂

Round 2 concludes…

Thinking back I was very scared of having another child. Purely because I just didn’t want Dudie to share me with anyone else. It is a major adjustment for ALL of us but we are gracefully embracing our new life. We welcomed Troll with so much love that it almost seems like he has been with us forever. He was made for our family. He is the last piece to this puzzle.

Watching the boys together warms my heart. Not only do they share genetics BUT they have an actual bond. A brotherhood. And no one can take that from them. As their parents, we will encourage and strengthen the bond. EVen though Troll is only 6 months old he already searches the room for Dudie.

Motherhood can kick my arse on most days but I am happy knowing that even on those not so great days I am doing the best I can…for my boys.

Motherhood definitely is my best achievement!

Spirited Mama

 

Kids get sick

Kids get sick when in doesn’t suit your schedule

Kids get sick at the most inopportune times in OUR lives. It will either be in the wee hours of the morning, or at school, or weekends, or on holiday, etc. Isn’t is just incredible how kids make a miraculous recovery whilst you are sitting in the Paediatric waiting area? Please tell me it is NOT just my kids who do this. They are happy and playing when we are at the doctor but limp fish and half dead when you have them at home…

Maz, from Caffeineandfairydust, wrote a post earlier this year that resonated with me.

To The Mom Sending Her Sick Kids To School…And Everyone Else

When kids get sick, what are your alternatives?

I know some parents have NO alternative but to send their sick kids to school but dammit it aint fair on the rest who are trying to keep their kids in good health. I empathise with both parents, the parent sending the sick kid to school as well as the parent trying to keep their kid healthy. With Dudie we used to rotate who would stay home so that we don’t exhaust one parent’s leave only. And also not to piss of the employer that one parent is staying out of work all the time.

I remember spending more time than I would have liked at the Emergency Room with Dudie. And thankfully now that he is 7 years old I think we’ve only had two ER visits in a long time.

Troll is in daycare. Fortunately, it’s only half day. But that still makes him susceptible to the germs around him for the few hours that he is there. Thank goodness we have a policy at work in OUR department, Family comes First.

Last month whilst I was on study leave, I dropped Troll at 07:35 only to pick him up again at 10:20. They called to say that he had a fever. With the long weekend coming up, I didn’t want to take any chances and end up at ER for the weekend. I took him to the paed and thankfully it was only a secondary infection but it was enough to warrant an antibiotic…

SO that is how Thursday started. And so we went through our long weekend nursing Troll, who woke hourly every night without fail. This was as exhausting as it was painful. Troll has an excellent night time routine. He cluster feeds from 4pm, then it’s bath time at 7pm and bedtime by 7:30PM. Then he will sleep for 7-9 hours straight. Imagine after such an incredible routine you now suddenly have to wake every hour during the night. Do you see why it was painful? By Sunday Dude and I were walking zombies. We would take turns and just pass Troll from one to the other.

Thankfully Troll got better and by Monday night he was back to his normal routine. I did say “Thank you JESUS” aloud a few times. In fact, I say “Thank you JESUS” every night when I swaddle Troll after his bath, put him in his bed and switch the lights off and just walk out the room. 9 out of 10 times he will be asleep within 2-5 minutes. If not, he normally just needs to be burped again and put down.

Do you get sick after your kids were sick?

Our kids got sick, both Dudie and Troll. Then as luck would have it, when they were fully recovered the parents were sick. For the entire month of June, it is like we were playing musical chairs with someone always being sick. Everyone one got better, except me… I’ve been nursing “something” all this time. It’s not quite enough to get a doctor’s appointment but it is also not going unnoticed… I’m gatvol of feeling like this. Then last week I was better, in fact I was doing great. BUT that something was lying dormant, just waiting for me to let my guard down.

As soon as my exams were done and I could finally just sleep like a “normal” person BAM! I was sick AGAIN! And then Murphy seems to be in my red zone, Troll is sick too… Oh My Lawd…I can’t. I just can’t. For my own sanity, on Saturday I co-slept with Troll. We both got some much needed rest. In fact, we only woke up at 8:51 on Sunday morning.

I do think that Troll will need some meds, so guess where we are this morning. Yep, the paediatrician’s waiting room. I must add that I do love this doctor. He is so gentle with ALL the kids and so very thorough. And just in case Mom isn’t feeling ok, he will happily give mom a quick check and prescription too. It’s a win win situation.

What I would like to know is:

  1. Do you send your sick kid(s) to school?
  2. How do you feel about parents sending sick kid(s) to school?

What do you do when your kid(s) are sick? Do you send them to school/daycare?

I have been on both ends of the stick. I was the parent dropping a sick kid and I am now the parent getting pissed off seeing sick kids at school. I know what it feels like to drop a sick child. We live in a different province than our families. So we don’t have the support that most of my family has, who lives within close proximity to the family. We, i.e. Dude and I, have to do everything, be everyone etc…I also know what I feel like walking into Troll’s class and I see snotty faces. I cringe and immediately wipe their faces. Yep, I wipe the other kids’ faces. Whilst cuddling Troll, I quietly tell myself to calm the fuck down because perhaps those parents had NO ALTERNATIVE.

Yes, it’s annoying to have a sick child but then again if need be, I can always take Troll home or to my office. I do think that it builds their immunity to catch a few germs here and there but within reason of course. I am fortunate to work in an environment that is “family” and “kid” friendly. Well just in my department, not in the Institution as a whole.

Not everyone is fortunate enough to have an alternative, whatever it may be. So for now, I smile as Troll looks like he has made a miraculous recovery in the Paediatrician’s room but will most likely be limp by bedtime tonight. Both Troll and I are fine for most of the day but as soon as dusk starts setting in, we become “sick”… what is this sorcery?

I “see” you when you have no alternative with your sick kids

I’m pretty sure we can debate the topic about whether or not to send sick kids to school until kingdom come…I think we all just need to chill out and cut one another some slack! I see the mom, who is pregnant and battling to hawl her kid from car to classroom all whilst huffing and puffing and looking a little under the weather herself. I see the parent, who is embarrassed to drop the “sick” kid too. I also see the parent who is fuming because someone at school is sick.

Happy Monday! I feel like crap! I need to go nurse my Troll.

Spirited Mama

x

 

To my first born. You ARE a good child!

My first born… 7 years old already

Where is the time flying to???

You know that moment when you realise your baby isn’t a baby anymore….Dudie is 7 years old. 7!!! He used to call me mommy/mama now it’s just mom. Sometimes he even uses my first name, bless this child. He is so independent but yet still so dependent on mom. Where did the last 7 years go?

One minute I was looking at a 3.4kg chubby face whom I had just birthed and the next he is in Grade 2. Somedays I miss your incessant staring at me and in the same breath I look forward to watching you grow into a handsome young man. A man who will become the object of some woman’s affection yet you will always be the object of my heart and soul.

Your first cry made me cry

From the moment I heard your first cry, you literally came screaming into this world, I knew you were destined for great things. Your first cry made me cry. Of all the emotions I was experiencing, being hormonal and high on adrenaline as I just birthed my child drug free, I was ecstatic. Some things will be discovered later but for now, we support you in whatever you want to do. We want to give all the opportunities possible. We want you to explore, to live, to dream. To find your happiness. And wow, you have proven to be an all rounder…and we are SUPER proud of you. In any and everything you give it your best shot.

Your good shines through

Your friends look up to you. Some days I think you are the cool kid but you nonchalantly wave me off and just hang out with your friends. Adults comment on your excellent behaviour. I smile proudly and take the compliment whilst quietly thinking to myself “You aint seen this monkey when he loses his shit”. You are a good child and don’t you ever forget that. Some days you just fall by the wayside…just as many of us adults do. It’s life, it happens. You know how sometimes you tell me my face has an angry stare but I insist that I am fine. Well, that is mom falling by the wayside. Or when mom doesn’t seem her talkative self, yip that is mom falling by the wayside.

You are a good child

In essence, I want you to know that not everyone is good at everything all the time. So when you do fall by the wayside, cut yourself some slack and don’t be so hard on yourself. At the tender age of 7 years I see how hard you are on yourself. And I know you don’t want to disappoint us. Remember what we always say:

“Just try your best. You should be proud of yourself. Your best is good enough for us and should be for you too.” Spirited Mama

You are a good child. And I am blessed to call you my son. My love for you is fierce. And it burns like a roaring fire in my soul. I am sorry that it doesn’t always seem that way though.

I love you my child. Be fearless. Discover. Go on adventures. Go live YOUR best life.

Spirited Mama

x

P.S. Today was a typical day where the wheels fell off the bus. I got you up and going happy bedhead and all. Somewhere in between me calmly, I promise I was calm and there was no shouting, asking you to get done for the millionth time you lost your shit with me. You went off on a tangent and then I got the dreaded “you give Troll more attention than me”. OMG! Really? I will need to rethink this situation as I really don’t think it’s true but I will merit your concerns and address them. I do think we are going through a difficult patch as you are struggling to manage your emotions. And I do think Troll definitely  makes a huge impact on the situation right now. (Adulting and parenting is hard…🙈)

Last night was opening night for your Concert. As always, the moment you take the stage my tears roll. I am so proud of you, how confident you are, how much you pour your heart and sould into everything you do. When I offered you a sandwich, you politely declined because you didn’t want to ruin the makeup 😂😂😂

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